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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mom kicked me out - Do i still allow her to see her grandkids?!

105 replies

MommaBee97 · 12/02/2019 21:32

I lost my home a few months ago and had to move out, my mom insisted I moved in with her (eventhough I didn't want to I had to think of the kids!) I have a 4 year old and a 7 month old. Anyway, my Mom made my life hell being there! I was getting blamed for everything, being told I was lazy because I had no where to store our clothes so we were living out of suitcases. And we got into a massive argument! The argument wasn't really THAT bad. But she told me I had to leave. I had no where to go, I had to stay in a hotel, until I could find somewhere temporary. She never asked me whether I had anywhere to go, she never asked if the girls were okay. She hasn't even spoken to me besides telling me to get the rest of my things. Today my younger sister messaged to ask if my mom can have my girls over night this week, and to be honest, I don't want her to. She kicked me out with two young children and I had no where to go! AIBU if I don't allow her to see them for a few weeks? It's still raw, I'm still hurt/ angry. My children are just settling being at my partners parents and I think sending them to my Moms for the night is going to confuse them.

OP posts:
TheNoodlesIncident · 12/02/2019 23:22

She sounds somewhat crazy volatile and not the kind of person you would want around your kids. She threw you out with nowhere to go? SHE THREW YOUR KIDS OUT?

Not a chance she would be seeing them again ever if it was me.

GoShittyItsYourBday · 13/02/2019 00:13

Im so sorry you're going through this OP.
Have you found somewhere to live? Will council not help you with emergency housing? They should be able to do something as you have kids.

Your mum sounds incredibly vile. No doubt she will make a song and dance about how she took you in when you were kicked out of your home...she sounds like a narc. Theres great advice on relationships board for dealing with narc DMs, id have a looksie there when you get the chance.

In the meantime id probably block and ignore her for a bit. Especially given the fact that she couldn't even ask her yourself. Dont get sucked in. Focus on you and the kids.x

KC225 · 13/02/2019 00:26

What a horrible thing to happen - and with young children too. I agree with the other posters she has treated you and your family poorly. It may have been tense at times but there was no need for her to be so mean.

Do not let her see your children just yet and especially NOT accompanied. Can you really trust your mother not to bad mouth you to your already confused four year old. Tell your sister, you both need some time out and away from each other at the moment. Maybe revisit the situation when you have moved into your new place and you are more settled.

AwakeNow · 13/02/2019 05:39

Well she is not entitled to your children, and certainly does not deserve to see them.

starshollow1 · 13/02/2019 05:40

That would be a no contact from me too.

I hate to say it OP but she sounds like an awful 'D'M and a shocking 'D'GM.

How could you let someone who sent your children onto the streets near them ever again?!

Quite frankly the rest of your family don't sound any better. A little bit of distance from them all with no contact would probably do you some good.

Rockmysocks · 13/02/2019 05:46

Fuck her right off. No way would I give that turd of a titwitch unsupervised time with your children. Maybe no time ever. She kicked them out same time as you.

cauliflowersqueeze · 13/02/2019 05:55

Don’t give your mum the luxury of an answer. If your sister asks just say you’re not discussing it and that’s it. That will annoy her far more than you saying “Err NO”. Your mum is too proud and selfish to contact you directly so just leave her to bubble away in her own juices.

cauliflowersqueeze · 13/02/2019 05:56

Never put yourself in the position of living with her again. Ever.

interLibrary · 13/02/2019 05:58

You're using them as a weapon or a punishment.

She doesn't have a right to see them, of course, but you don't have a right to move in to her house.

Sounds like you're immature and you get it from her.

cauliflowersqueeze · 13/02/2019 06:07

Hardly a weapon. She was thrown out onto the street by her with two kids under 5.

Hardly the kind of person you’d entrust them to.

hardyloveit · 13/02/2019 06:08

Interlibrary how is the op using her children as a punishment? The mum chucked the girls out as well .... her own grandchildren!!!!

No contact from me too!

I've been in a similar position op. I rent my house from my mum (she doesn't live here) and she was an alcoholic at the time (over a year sober now) but she threatened to Chuck us out several times and I said to my husband is she goes through with it I will never see or have contact again as she would have made my daughters homeless!

It's one thing chucking you out without anywhere to go but doing it to your children (her grandchildren) is on a whole other level!!!

I'd cut ALL contact

jarhead123 · 13/02/2019 06:10

I'd probably feel the same but is there any chance she is doing this as a kick up the bum for you?

We've only heard your side of events (obviously) but perhaps your Mum was desperate for you to help yourself and thought this was the only way?

interLibrary · 13/02/2019 06:12

@cauliflowersqueeze

The OP went to a hotel.

"AIBU if I don't allow her to see them for a few weeks?"

The OP isn't talking about her children's safety or whatever else. She's talking about a few weeks - clearly to punish her Mum.

Honestly, I don't really care. This kind of drama and 'cut contact' seems to only happen on soaps and MN.

Santaclarita · 13/02/2019 06:12

Just ignore the text. If you see your sister in person after that and she asks why you never answered, just reply that you will talk to your mum once she apologises for being a twat, but not through other people. Keep ignoring until she apologises in person. She won't though.

Singlenotsingle · 13/02/2019 06:15

Thatsa bit drastic though, isn't it Jarhead? A kick up the bum's one thing, but chucking your family out on the street's a whole different ballgame! They could have ended up on the street but for the kind and caring MIL.

JenniferJareau · 13/02/2019 06:56

AIBU if I don't allow her to see them for a few weeks?

You shouldn't use your kids as a weapon against you Mum.

If she is as bad as you say, then go NC once and for all. If there are things you've not revealed on MN that contributed to her throwing you out and there is another side to the story, then they should see their grandmother and you should resolve the issues you have with her and vice versa directly.

Thecreosotekid · 13/02/2019 06:57

Bloody he’ll YANBU. I have two DGDs virtually the same age as your DDs and there is no way on this earth I’d have kicked them all out under any circumstances. And I’m in a one bed flat. I just can’t imagine doing that to her or the girls. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. Even if there is more to this than arguments about suitcases etc, you just don’t do that. It’s shit and you deserve so much better. I hope things start to get sorted for you soon Flowers

NorthernBirdAtHeart · 13/02/2019 06:59

No!

She needs reminding that she kicked her GC’s out (never mind her DD!) with no home to go to.

She can’t have it both ways.

mytittifersungtheirsong · 13/02/2019 07:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mytittifersungtheirsong · 13/02/2019 07:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CosmicCanary · 13/02/2019 07:18

Sorry but something feels a bit off.

People who behave the way the OP said her mum has dont just suddenly behave that way.
Was she this mean of a person before you moved in with her?
If so why did you agree to live with her?
If not what reasons are there that your once nice mum would kick out her daughter and very young gc over a petty argument?

As PP said you are not talking about going NC which would be understandable given her actions, you are wanting to punish your mum for a few weeks...

I think there are 2 very different sides to this story.

Karigan195 · 13/02/2019 07:21

No chance. She showed how much she cared about them when she threw you out.

eggsandwich · 13/02/2019 07:35

I suspect that now your staying at your partners parents house it doesn’t look good on her particularly as she kicked you out in your hour of need so is now trying to look the doting grandmother.

Its particularly tell that she got your sister to ask you if your mum could have the children overnight and not her, I think that she knows she was wrong but I would relay back to your sister a big fat NO considering she didn’t care about make her grandchildren homeless.

user1471590586 · 13/02/2019 10:05

I think that until you and your mum resolve your differences then I dont think it is appropriate for her to have your children. Surely she can't expect to play happy families with the grandchildren after throwing you all out. You would have to take the kids to her (or her pick them up) which would be difficult if you aren't communicating and your kids would pick up on the tension. Has there been any contact between you and her since you were made to leave?

Limensoda · 13/02/2019 10:20

Sorry but something feels a bit off,I think there are 2 very different sides to this story

I agree. From the info given it sounds really bad and yes, if as told then I can see why people think OP should cut contact but I doubt we have the full story.