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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mom kicked me out - Do i still allow her to see her grandkids?!

105 replies

MommaBee97 · 12/02/2019 21:32

I lost my home a few months ago and had to move out, my mom insisted I moved in with her (eventhough I didn't want to I had to think of the kids!) I have a 4 year old and a 7 month old. Anyway, my Mom made my life hell being there! I was getting blamed for everything, being told I was lazy because I had no where to store our clothes so we were living out of suitcases. And we got into a massive argument! The argument wasn't really THAT bad. But she told me I had to leave. I had no where to go, I had to stay in a hotel, until I could find somewhere temporary. She never asked me whether I had anywhere to go, she never asked if the girls were okay. She hasn't even spoken to me besides telling me to get the rest of my things. Today my younger sister messaged to ask if my mom can have my girls over night this week, and to be honest, I don't want her to. She kicked me out with two young children and I had no where to go! AIBU if I don't allow her to see them for a few weeks? It's still raw, I'm still hurt/ angry. My children are just settling being at my partners parents and I think sending them to my Moms for the night is going to confuse them.

OP posts:
Original poster
MommaBee97 · 12/02/2019 22:15

It was a very petty argument, regarding me taking her to work in my car because hers had broken down. I didn't refuse to take her but my partner needs the car to get to work. I had the car the evening before we argued so I could take her to work in the morning and she basically got up early and walked to work regardless. Then slagged me off on facebook saying she had to walk in the rain. And that was how the argument started!

OP posts:
Notcontent · 12/02/2019 22:18

Was your partner staying with your mum too? Just trying to work out if there is more to this, because I can’t believe a mother would do that to her daughter and grandchildren.

cashmerebat · 12/02/2019 22:19

Don’t do it. She sounds like the sort of nutter to refuse to give you your D.C. back and claim you haven’t got a stable home for them.

That and the fact she can’t even ask you herself.

The mind boggles

Original poster
MommaBee97 · 12/02/2019 22:20

If i was in the wrong i would of apologised straight away. But since I've been there I have had nothing but being put down and made to be a bad person. I've put weight on since having my newest baby, and my mom finds it funny grabbing my back fat or saying different remarks over different things that makes me very conscious. She also told me my partner wasn't able to stay around because we never offered her a KFC at 10:30 of an evening (even though she cant eat chicken). Basically since being there I've not been made to feel like a daughter but a burden on her life...

OP posts:
Original poster
MommaBee97 · 12/02/2019 22:24

During the time of me staying there she decided to split from her husband who she has wanted to split with for over 2 years. And then the family decided to start blaming me for everything, saying it shouldn't be my step-father leaving but it should be me. When I hadn't done anything wrong. I would clean for my mom during the day, I would fetch her whatever she needed, colour her hair, cook for her and my sister. I mean yeah some days I was a little more lazy but that's due to my anxiety and depression. If I could explain everything on here I really would but it is such a long story!

OP posts:
WinterWife · 12/02/2019 22:24

Tell her to swivel 🤬 she wouldn't be seeing me or my children ever again.

Toseland · 12/02/2019 22:28

So she threw the three of you out and you haven’t had contact since? Now she wants the children overnight? But can’t ask for herself? Isn’t that extreme? Why not take them out for an afternoon? Are you with your children at your partners parents? Flowers sorry, so many questions!

Mum2jenny · 12/02/2019 22:29

Simple answer is NO!

Xenadog · 12/02/2019 22:30

Tell her to FOAD and then don’t contact her again. She kicked you and 2 young children out onto the street. Unforgivable.

Original poster
MommaBee97 · 12/02/2019 22:31

Yes we're currently staying at my partners parents house! The girls are okay, a little confused but they are fine! We are waiting for a flat to be ready for us to move into so its not all that bad, I just feel sorry for my 4 year old as she is so confused as to what is happening.

OP posts:
Floralhousecoat · 12/02/2019 22:32

She sounds like a narcissist op. Don't let her have your kids. It will become the norm and she will try to alienate them from you. It's about control.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 12/02/2019 22:34

Yeah...no. It would take a long time of talking and apologising and sorting things out before I'd let my kids spend the night with her. Definitely not with a third person message after completely ignoring me and them.

Oliversmumsarmy · 12/02/2019 22:34

Don’t do it. She sounds like the sort of nutter to refuse to give you your D.C. back and claim you haven’t got a stable home for them

This was my first thought

AdoraBell · 12/02/2019 22:36

She made your children to move from her house to your PD’s parent’s house. And as she didn’t ask about them and where they would be sleeping. That means didn’t care about them. So a big fat NO is the right answer.

NotStayingIn · 12/02/2019 22:38

I'm a little bit more on the fence here. If she literally kicked you out for no reason, then yes, she's a cow.

But she did take you in and let you stay quite a while if you lost your home several months ago? I do wonder why you lost your home and weren't able to find another one. Did you have no notice before you lost it? Were you looking whilst living with her. Did she intend you to stay only for a little bit whilst you got yourself sorted, and did you stay longer than originally agreed? If you were in financial difficulties and couldn't afford anywhere did you make that clear?

No need to answer any of these questions. It's more to clarify why I'm unsure: she might be a cold bitch or you might have taken the piss slightly. None of us here can really know that.

NotStayingIn · 12/02/2019 22:40

Oh sorry my message took so long you've since provided way more details. IGNORE ME! She sounds crazy!

TakeMe2Insanity · 12/02/2019 22:41

No way! How do you know she would even give them back? Bery easy for her to say you don’t have a home/ somewhere secure to live so they are better off with her.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/02/2019 22:42

No way I wouldn’t hand my kids over. She sounds horrible. The more distance you can put between you the better.

RedFeltHeart · 12/02/2019 22:45

Was your partner staying with your mum too? Just trying to work out if there is more to this, because I can’t believe a mother would do that to her daughter and grandchildren.

Not going to derail the OP's thread with my own story, but you'd be surprised what some mothers/grandmothers are capable of.

Exhsuatedmuch · 12/02/2019 22:47

It's a nope from me too. Been there done that. Vile letters and nonsense from parents and sister trying to broker deals for them to see my kids. I don't think so. I would never put my kids back with people who treated their mother as mine did and luckily my kids thanked me for it once they got older. Go with your gut. Biology doesn't give anyone a right to anything.

HolesinTheSoles · 12/02/2019 22:53

Usually I say suck it up for the kids but she obviously doesn't have your DC's interests at heart if she'd throw you all out.

Either there was something more to the argument than suitcases and clothes or she's mad and you should not have yourself or your kids around her.

DamonSalvatoresDinner · 12/02/2019 22:57

She kicked your children out onto the streets. Your children!

Why would she get to see them again?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 12/02/2019 22:58

Cut contact.

She wants them to make herself look good, not because she cares. She will also drip poison about you into their little ears, and probably try to buy their affection. They are too young to be savvy to her ploys.

Don't give her a chance to corrupt your relationship with them.

StressedToTheMaxx · 12/02/2019 22:59

I had my first child really young. The older I got my mum and I started to clash as we both had veiws if how to raise my dd.
We spoke and knew it was time for me and dd to leave. She helped me plan/view houses and came with me. She was wonderful and guided me through the process and never rushed us. We knew this was best for our relationship and we are still very close.

Your mum threw you and you children out without any thought of where you would go.
It is not the way a parent should treat their child and dgc who have fallen on hard times.

It would be a total no from me.
I hope your home is ready soon and that your temporary home is doable for now. Best wishes Flowers

Singlenotsingle · 12/02/2019 23:22

If that was me, I'd be worrying all weekend about them. Is she feeding them? Is she going to phone in the middle of the night and ask for someone to pick them up? Is she going to keep them? It's not worth the aggravation, OP.