(Not so) newborn has no cards or gifts because MIL has them all and won’t send

[monkeymobile]

DS was born seven weeks ago. I had an emergency section and MIL and FIL came down to visit (other end of the country) just for one night as they had not booked time off work, understandable.

While she was here MIL said as they had nothing for the baby she would go and get something before visiting (hospital) on the Sunday. She went with DH but because the tills werent open (browsing only in the shop for half an hour before tills opened as it was a Sunday) she put her gift down and walked out. Her choice.

When she went back home, all the relatives (live in same town) bought gifts for the baby and as MIL said she was coming down again to visit, she told them to give them to her and she would bring them, save postage. That was six weeks ago and she still has everything and won’t postanything. She has no plans to come again anytime soon.

I don’t want to be grabby but it’s unfair, I’d just like the cards. We have nothing from that side of the family at all and as I only have a sister, we have one card.

We have had to tell people thanks if you sent a gift but we haven’t got them yet. Embarrassing but I always send thank you cards and can’t do felt bad.

MIL has even said that the newborn clothes won’t even fit by the time she comes down (she must have opened the presents I suppose). I don’t know why she said that, just to be horrid?

DH thinks she didn’t want anyone else to give presents until she had and as she got annoyed and walked out of the shop when she was here, she’s now making sure nothing gets to us.

[username79999]

I'd be fuming if I'd passed a card and gift onto mil on the say so she was visiting and then wasn't .
What has your dh said to her ?
Hasn't he said why did you except gifts if you have no plans to visit anytime soon ? What is your /his response to her .
If she had opened anything that is totally out of order too .

[Tisahardlife]

Wow! Holding the baby's cards and gifts hostage, i wonder if it's to force a visit from you all...If it is then could your DH go alone and get them back?

[QueenArseClangers]

There was a poster a while ago who had a similar issue. Their MIL had kept her DC’s gifts hostage and they included a personalised cross stitch picture!

[Originallymeonly]

If I lived anywhere near your MIL I'd happily go knock on the door and explain I was there to collect the stranded gifts to forward on.

[GabsAlot]

no wonder u live so far away

what a nutter has she always been like this

congrats on ds btw

[Fink]

I wouldn't bother sending money for postage or sending a courier. You'd be spending your money with no guarantee that she would play ball. She could easily still hold on to the presents and the money, and send the courier away empty handed.

IMO, the best thing would be for DH to drive up (when you can spare him), collect everything, and come back down. Stopping in services rather than at her house! That would make it clear that you won't be bullied into visiting and bringing the baby on a huge trek.

Once you do get the presents and send actual thank you cards, I would make these absolutely unequivocal about what happened and that any future presents or cards should not be allowed into MIL's clutches!

[Fink]

Also, as a pp said, if I'm within 50 miles of your MIL I'm more than happy to go and collect the presents and post them on to you. I'm in London.

[Makegoodchoices]

The thing is, you don’t need the gifts or cards. The only way you ‘win’ here is to ignore this nonsense and enjoy your baby.

Let her sit alone with the hostage gifts - doing that won’t bring her any joy, and certainly isn’t as lovely as snuggling a newborn!

If anyone asks, tell them “oh no, we didn’t receive anything via MIL”.

[Sleepyhead11]

Same as fink - in Edinburgh

[Aprilshowersarecomingsoon]

County Durham here op - available to collect +post on.....

[rosablue]

I would ring up the people you know have given stuff to mil to give to you - rather than a text - and apologise, thendiscuss it with them and ask for their advice and also know if they have contact details for others that they know of that have sent gifts...

I reckon you'll have much more impact talking to them rather than just leaving a message and you don't know what mil is saying. Plus if mil is saying things like you're refusing to visit, you can honestly say that she is crazy because she knows that the doctor hasn't given you permission to travel yet, and so on.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

She’s playing a nasty game. Sending her money is poshness into her hands unfortunately. She’s going to love this. You need to disengage from the game so that it stops working. I really think you either need to write off the gifts or your dh goes and collects them. I understand your saying you can’t spare him so perhaps your sister and a friend could come over and help.

[FabulouslyFab]

Cumbria here - we could have a mumsnet chain to get them to you!! xx

[ivykaty44]

Oh MIL it’s putting me in a difficult position if I don’t send thank you cards- people will believe in rude not acknowledgeding the presents I’ve sent. So I’m sending the money for you to post the presents, there’s extra for the wrapping. If it’s any more just let me know. It’s jyst not fair on people if presents go to waste and I’d feel terrible after they’ve been so kind.

I’d send that and if it’s any more and she lets you know tell her she shouldn’t have told people she’d sort it and then not bother...

[Snowmaggedon]

Amazing how funny some people get over postage!!

Send her the money and huge box...do you do internet banking you could ask for cost whist she's in post office and immediately transfer money to her ..bitch!!

[SpanielEars070]

Can you get a family WhatsApp group started? You can call it by the baby's name.... or something jokey like the "Baby X appreciation society".

It's a great way of sharing your baby photos and news with distant family, and you can then also say...... "sorry if we've not sent any of you a thank you but we're still waiting for gifts to be sent on from MIL etc" and show her up for what she is.

[C0untDucku1a]

She isnt going to post them.

[SpinneyHill]

FB Thanks for all the gifts MIL tells us they are lovely

[jackstini]

Where is MIL?
Another one here that would love to knock on her door and say 'I'm here to collect baby Monkeymobile's presents thank you!'

[Jackyjill6]

OP Just enjoy your baby, that is what truly matters.

[AWishForWingsThatWork]

She's not going to post them, so don't bother sending her money.

Let your DH deal with her. She's being an utter cow. He needs to tell her she's jeopardising her relationship with all of you, possibly permanently by her petty, selfish behaviour. He also needs to tell all relatives to never give gifts to her for imaginary delivery, because she keeps them.

[RomanyQueen1]

Your dh needs to sort her out and I'd not be going out of my way to take baby to visit or having her to stay.
What a horrible thing to do.
Congratulations on the birth of your Ds, Can't send a card but have some

[Poppylizzyrose]

Awww I am so angry on your behalf, pm address I’d send you newborn bits and a card

that’s so mean!

Let it be known you need to let people know and post out thank you notes so if she doesn’t post you’ll have to inform those who have gifted you. Also ask if she got presents when her babies were born, ask if anyone withheld them?! Fucking bitch

[Poppylizzyrose]

P.s there’s mumnetters all over the U.K., post her address and one of us should go collect your gifts, pretend we’re old friends.

I’m in the midlands, id swing by if she’s near me!

[GemmeFatale]

Another volunteer to collect and arrange postage. I’m Gloucestershire/Cotswolds type way