(Not so) newborn has no cards or gifts because MIL has them all and won’t send

[monkeymobile]

DS was born seven weeks ago. I had an emergency section and MIL and FIL came down to visit (other end of the country) just for one night as they had not booked time off work, understandable.

While she was here MIL said as they had nothing for the baby she would go and get something before visiting (hospital) on the Sunday. She went with DH but because the tills werent open (browsing only in the shop for half an hour before tills opened as it was a Sunday) she put her gift down and walked out. Her choice.

When she went back home, all the relatives (live in same town) bought gifts for the baby and as MIL said she was coming down again to visit, she told them to give them to her and she would bring them, save postage. That was six weeks ago and she still has everything and won’t postanything. She has no plans to come again anytime soon.

I don’t want to be grabby but it’s unfair, I’d just like the cards. We have nothing from that side of the family at all and as I only have a sister, we have one card.

We have had to tell people thanks if you sent a gift but we haven’t got them yet. Embarrassing but I always send thank you cards and can’t do felt bad.

MIL has even said that the newborn clothes won’t even fit by the time she comes down (she must have opened the presents I suppose). I don’t know why she said that, just to be horrid?

DH thinks she didn’t want anyone else to give presents until she had and as she got annoyed and walked out of the shop when she was here, she’s now making sure nothing gets to us.

That's bonkers - if people have given small baby gifts then your dc will outgrow them before they arrive! No advise apart from send the postage and tell her to post them. I guess if one of the gifts is from someone who could be an ally then ask them to post them for her. "We don't have your gift yet... wonder if you'd mind popping it in the post... along with the others".

What a dick!

Hopefully the gifts are in bigger sizes. I’ve just had a baby and the majority of gifts given have been 0-3 months or 3-6 months. Very few people have bought us newborn size.

We don’t know all the gifters, just the ones MIL mentioned (such as the newborn clothes from her sister that won’t fit soon apparently) and the couple of people who emailed did you get the gift, I think because we sent pics but didn’t mention it.

DH is writing to people along the lines of Veterinari’s post. It’s embarrassing.

DerRicuer yes she is toxic. I’m not putting up with it any more though.

I think LionsHeart has it - you won’t get the gifts until you visit. She sounds like a nightmare, thank your lucky stars she doesn’t live round the corner!
I found shops were very accommodating in exchanging baby clothes even without a receipt. If you find some of the clothes are too small when you receive them you might be able to exchange for a larger size.

What a wierd thing to do.

If you think she’s doing it as a control thing, don’t play the game. Never mention them ever again.

LionsHeart yes quite possibly. She’s already said a few times we should go up but I can’t travel anywhere until my dr says so, healing scar and it’s a long way to sit in the car.

Yes, I think that might be it.

I would definitely make sure people know she has done this. Are you on fab with any of these people? A public message to everyone apologising for the lack of thank you cards but explaining that as mil has the gifts and won’t let you have them, there is nothing you can do, you don’t know what the gifts are.
What a cow though, you can do without that kind of crap right now.

I'd make a post on every social media I have asking people who gave gifts to her (tag her as well) to comment so that you know because she's lost or stolen them. Let everyone you and she knows see how horrible she is to a newborn.

DS was tiny so I’m hoping clothes will still fit but it’s good to know shops will exchange.

I can’t help feeling she’s been through them all. Though I might be doing her a disservice because they might not be wrapped or people might have told her what they had got.

Another thinking how lucky she lives so far away!

I agree with a PP, make sure you say thank you to all the people who sent gifts, explain the situation briefly and gracefully. Then never mention it to MIL again. She is using it to control you so I wouldn't even go up there till a) you are ready and healthy and b) she provides you with a sincere apology and explanation.

In the words of Michelle Obama, "when they go low, we go high!"

Wow what a cow.

Glad your dh is getting in touch with the grifters to put them in the picture.

I’d also arrange for a courier to collect and deliver the parcels to you.

You do realise she will also hoard all the birthday presents she can every year. And any presents from her will probably be taken back to her home because they are only for when your DC visits gran
I actually know a very rich and very posh grandma who gifts presents to be enjoyed by DGC just at her house

Definitely let everyone know that she is holding the gifts hostage. I also exchanged lots of clothes when my baby was born (rather large baby and the small stuff didn't fit!), and didn't need receipts

Maryann1975 A friend suggested that but we don’t have Facebook or know if they do apart from SIL.

I have an Instagram account from ages ago but never post on it but I don’t think that works in the same way anyway and I’m certainly not followed by any family members.

If anyone gets a message from DH and hasn’t sent a present it will just be awful. I hate that she’s put us in this position.

I would give MIL one last chance, and then tell her you have to inform every single relative the truth, as they have a right to know.
I would never ever include that woman in any future plans ever again. Truly despicable to deprive your baby of clothes and gifts, and keep sakes.

In the meantime go out and buy some flowers and gifts for your house. Celebrate your own baby. If you have a crap family, then you need to get used to making up the shortfall every Christmas

Birthday and celebration. Stop relying on them to be decent from this moment on. Lesson learned, how can you avoid being hurt again...

Holding gifts for a newborn to ransom?

What a cow. She sounds touched.

I reckon if you did visit, she'd hold court & grab the baby, showing them off to all & sundry. It would be miserable.

Couriers are so easy to arrange these days, there's no excuse.

PM me your address op, I’ll send you a card and pressie

Looking into a courier but they seem to want to know how big the package is and we have no idea!

7yo7yo That’s so kind but no need, but thank you so much. 💜

Can FiL help? Or for example could you ask relatives to contact your FiL about their presents to ensure that they are sent down ASAP?

It's unthinkable that she's holding on to them, but I'd agree with others that it's to get you to visit.

I think you need to be really firm that they aren't hers to keep or store, and you're arranging a courier to collect them on X date.