Marriage and surnames after divorce

[TheresaJay]

Why would you keep your married name if you were divorced and had grown up kids? My sister is doing this just to wind up her ex husband and I think she’s being a bit childish. AIBU?

I don’t understand keeping the name of someone you don’t like anymore either

Ah, I still like my ex. So I’m ok then

if she is going it to deliberately wind him up, that's more sad for her than it is for him.

But I dont think it's weird at all. Many women feel their married name is more of their identity than their maiden name, for example if they married young, married for a long time, built up a business or a network of friends with that name, or simply if they prefer it to their maiden name - I know plenty of people that couldnt wait to be rid of their indesirable maiden name.

You can change your name to whatever you want. I could go and change my surname to Beckham/Hardy/Clooney if I wanted to. Doesn't mean I am married to him.

Seems like you're wasting quite a bit of energy on this OP.

I'm in this dilemma right now - split up from Ex of 20 years nearly 4 years ago, divorce came through 2.5 years ago. 3 children all now over 18. I've kept my married name so its the same as theirs and there wasn't an issue. Until last weekend when Ex told me he is engaged and will be getting married within a year. Now what do I do? I really want to have the same surname as my children and although I now use Ms rather than Mrs, I couldn't deal with the new wife being Mrs X whilst I'm 'only' Ms X! (NB I DON'T want the ex back with the name!!! Never in eleventy trillion years!!!!).. I have no intention of EVER getting married again or even living with someone and fortunately my lovely boyfriend feels the same .

Would be interested to hear what other people do in these cases

@Blobby10

You don't need to do anything just because your ex is getting married.

My ex's remarriage had no impact or effect on my name. In terms of "title" - I'm still Mrs on my driving licence and some other documents simply because I didn't bother changing my name and I think "courtesy titles" are a bit of nonsense anyway, especially for women. If I have to complete a form which forces me to choose a title I usually opt for Mr anyway. M&S has me as Lord!

It's your name - end of.

My Mum and Dad divorced 20 years ago and she remarried over a decade ago. The best part is that she still carries my Dad's surname, and I can't work out if it's to rile her new DH up or just that she's too lazy to give a shit and change it.

I know that initially she didn't want to change it because of her work (she was a barrister) but she's retrained as a psychotherapist now so there's no reason not to switch. Who knows the reason why people do the things they do.

@seeingadistance thank you - to be honest I'm still smarting that he's moved on quite so quickly after our 20+ year marriage ended! But the name thing is bugging me and I'm cross with myself for letting it! Just need to let it work its way out of my system

YABVU and quite frankly rather silly.

I took DH’s name upon marriage, and by doing so, it became my name too. If DH and I were to ever divorce, I would keep my name precisely because it is my name.

Yes blobby10 it doesn't matter, if it's like most names there will be hundreds or thousands of Mrs/Ms X out there. The name could have come from anywhere or nowhere.

I suspect she has her good reasons and can't be bothered explaining herself so is giving you a flippant one.

I'd do the same TBH. My reasons are too complicated for an every day conversation, plus I don't want to justify myself to other people as it's none of their business.

I am 3 years separated from ex-husband and currently divorcing.
I am more than happy to keep his surname as I love it (it is exotic!) , also for the reason being the same surname as DC.
No way I am changing back to my maiden unpronounceable surname.
If I get remarried I might just add new husband's surname at the end (so exH surname becomes a middle name of sort - I don't have a middle name so kind of enjoying the idea).