To be horrified at the amount of vile and insensitive responses

[Rowyourboat1234]

I’ve come back after not being on mumsnet for a long time and I’m horrified at some of the vile and insensitive responses on some threads. Why?! What is the point of that? If you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything. How about that for Feb challenge?

If you can't hack a bit of nastiness on here though it's the wrong place for you
It doesn't need to be nasty though. It can be firm, assertive, direct etc. without being rude or nasty, and equally without needing to be fluffy and akin to gently petting a unicorn. If the only way people can communicate is by being nasty then there's something pretty wrong with them isn't there? Sure temperatures can get heated on topics that you're passionate about, but even that doesn't have to be (and shouldn't need to be) rude.

I'd be interested to know what people class as vile? I rarely see anything I think is really terrible and if I do I report it.

There is a lot of blunt straight talking, but I think that's a good thing.

I have some pearls the OP can clutch.

I've had a few rough responses to things I've posted, but I'm a member of several FB groups and people are just as blunt on there. I don't think it's necessarily the anonymity on here that prompts some responses.

Some people just aren't very nice.

I could have been upset by some recent responses to one of my posts which cast into doubt my integrity (I dared to ask a question on behalf of my and my GF, I'm a (gasp) man!)

But then I thought, there are a lot of brexiteers on here anyway who'd like it to be 1957.

To tell people they are unreasonable does not equal calling them names or getting personal

Well said

There seems no point in being offensive since once someone does that they've often lost the argument anyway, but sadly it still happens

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3506215-to-think-that-people-here-have-too-many-opinions

I have some pearls the OP can clutch.
Here's an example of a pointless personal comment from Disrespectful - the polite response would have been something along the lines of 'I disagree, I think people are generally quite reasonable'. But instead the poster decides to go with bitchy instead. Why? Do you actually get a kick from posting this Disrespectful? Serious question, I'm interested as to why you would post like this.

Yeah my eyes rolled at the pearl comment Friar Tuck.

On a thread a poster was questioning every comment I made, I replied to her very politely. The third time I replied she accused me of stalking her.

There are some lovely, kind, helpful, intelligent people on here, but there some absolute vile cunts too.

I have been on message forums since around 1999 though, from ivillage, to big brother forums, money saving expert, loose women forum, digital spy, reddit, and a number of 'fan' forums of my fave actors and singers and bands. There have been some vile trolls on there, and some really lovely folk.

Upshot is though, I am hardened to it, I NEVER give my real name, or location, and I change lots of details. And I never, EVER let anyone nasty get to me. Coz at the end of the day, they are nothing to me.

I would also never start a new thread unless I name-changed, and I would probably start it on 30 days only or 90 days only, so if it went bad and people were being super vile, I would hide the thread and it would drop off within a few weeks.

But yeah YANBU. Some people on here are horrible. Makes you pity them really, coz their lives must be sh shit, if they feel the need to make other people feel so lousy.

Unfortunately some people need constant attention and one way to get that is to post unhelpful and mean comments on a forum, guaranteeing a response which feeds their need for attention etc etc

I do wonder if some of these are men or journos. at times just looking to stir things up. That at least would make sense. For women to attack their own ilk is somehow much worse.

Hey, I only signed up here a few weeks ago and I've found some really nice mums with really helpful advice/points of view. I've also found some so awful it's shocking. Some are blunt and straight talking but there's nothing wrong with that. Its great hearing different view points but I totally ignore nasty comments, I take no notice if they're aimed at me because for every bad you'll find a few good IMO. There ARE nice people here and I'm one of them.

But how nice a post is is so subjective.

I thought the pearls comment was unremarkable although mildly suggesting that the OP was being oversensitive, but a couple of posters objected to it.

But I thought the Brexiteers comment was unnecessarily unpleasant and out of context. There's nothing wrong with being a Remainer, and nothing wrong with disagreeing with Leavers on a relevant thread, but unreasonable to bring a disparaging remark about people with a different view onto this thread. And no one else commented on that.

But then I thought, there are a lot of brexiteers on here anyway who'd like it to be 1957.

No there aren't - there are about two people on the whole forum who voted leave and they are in hiding. Full marks for introducing Brexit BTW.

Oh goody!!

Another 'you're all bitches thread'

If you think posts go beyond the pale, report them

If you want to censor predominantly female community, because you think women must be nice and ladylike then perhaps you will never feel quite at home on MN. (Probably true for OP, who has already left once).

Maybe Aibu is not for you OP. Good luck in nm.

Totally agree OP. It's quite possible to be opinionated (which I definitely am) without being nasty. Some people don't seem able to distinguish between the two.

I suspect it's the same people piling in most of the time though, rather than everyone being bitchy.

Yes totally agreed. I think people have actually forgotten how to speak to each other. In real life they hopefully would not start a sentence with FFS! I see people on here go on about emotional abuse and then in the next thread they are swearing at someone for using the wrong tense or having a different viewpoint!

What I particularly dislike is those posters who just put YABU without explaining why, it's very lazy IMO. I prefer the forthright posts explaining why an OP is BU, even if I don't agree with what they're saying at all.

But I thought the Brexiteers comment was unnecessarily unpleasant and out of context. There's nothing wrong with being a Remainer, and nothing wrong with disagreeing with Leavers on a relevant thread, but unreasonable to bring a disparaging remark about people with a different view onto this thread. And no one else commented on that.
I've given up commenting on unpleasant Brexit-related comments because there's always abuse hurled back!
It's just that some people (probably not many) feel the need to get an unnecessary dig in just for the sake of it. I'd hope that they wouldn't dare in real life so why do it on here?

People can be particularly unpleasant yes. My favourite is the person who said I'm not looking after my kids properly because I rent.

I think anyone who is going to be oversensitive about responses should really get off social media. Internet forums are not a good place for the anxious, mentally weak and easy offended.

Or perhaps bullies should vacate to different social media sites so that women and men who are already feeling sensitive dont have to suffer further abuse?