To be horrified at the amount of vile and insensitive responses

[Rowyourboat1234]

I’ve come back after not being on mumsnet for a long time and I’m horrified at some of the vile and insensitive responses on some threads. Why?! What is the point of that? If you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything. How about that for Feb challenge?

I agree to a certain extent.

I think there is very much a place for robust disagreement, because just offering platitudes isn't necessarily the most helpful course of action. Sometimes those disagreements throw up issues that haven't been covered, or shed new light on a problem.

However, there are always going to be unpleasant people who can't help but be snide/sarcastic/bitchy/plain rude and there are always going to be sheep who bleat happily along with them. These people aren't the ones offering helpful or constructive criticism, or reading the OP with good comprehension skills. They are the ones who have their own axes to grind and offer nothing valuable to any discussion.

But that's life really. All you can do is weigh in where appropriate, roll your eyes at the twats, and thank God you don't have to have them in your life.

I thought in my naivety that mumsnet was created for mums/parents to support each other. I’m definitely not asking for advice on here anymore, why would I risk getting vile responses?

Honestly, I can see how spending too much time on here can lead to mental illness.

I’m definitely closing my account and go polish my floors/tiles like someone suggested. It’s far healthier.

Here we go again...

at 'mental illness' because of spending too much time on MN. Really?

I do like a polished floor though.

Who had snowflakes at 2 pages in? hahaha

come on over to style and beauty - way fewer dickheads there.

Only joined Mn recently find AIBU to be offensive sometimes but half of the time I'm thinking YABU. I think if people ask the question they need to take the good and bad comments and stop complaining when they receive comments they don't like.

I can see how spending too much time on here can lead to mental illness.

I'm doomed, then.

I'd say that MN has kept me sane. Much better than many inane conversations IRL.

Just walk out from the nasty threads, or hide yours if they do turn nasty.

Im only here for the bunfights

Get ready to receive some vile responses @Rowyourboat1234

Totally agree with you!

I don't like a lot of the nasty posters either, but amongst them there are decent people who offer genuine advice/support ... you are obviously one of them, so stay and help others and ignore the idiots

She had a very young baby and someone wrote you are 11 months too late and shouldn't have had a baby with him. What is the point of that?

Because it might make another person in an abusive relationship stop and think before they bring a child into it. Maybe that poster is weary of reading the frequent posts where this continually happens.

And MN isn't compulsory. Why would you be a forum that upsets you?

I thought in my naivety that mumsnet was created for mums/parents to support each other.

So people who are not parents or are not yet parents are not welcome? Is that fair?

If you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything

Do you always speak in meaningless cliches?

Anyway...you know this is a site for adults used by adults, right? Bearing this in mind, on what basis have you concluded that it’s up to you to bossily tell other adults how to converse?

I much prefer “vile” (which seems to be the word of the month for the unoriginal) responses to pompous and high-handed crap from thread police like you.

Some people are verbally challenged, you have to make allowances for that

That "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything" is a really bizarre phrase, isn't it? The more I think about it, the more strange it seems. A whole world, a whole history of humankind, all the stories that have ever been told, all the speeches that have ever been delivered, reduced to platitudes and verbal stroking, only saying what people want to hear, like a huge useless echo chamber...

Interesting article from 2013 over 4 million users. It does not seem that busy to me I may be looking in the wrong place though.

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/gadgets-and-tech/features/why-has-mumsnet-developed-such-an-awkward-reputation-8607914.html

If you think Mumsnet is vile and insensitive, stay away from other forums. I can think of at least one place, where being called a cunt is almost an endearment, compared to some of the other insults hurled at posters.

AIBU has never been a sparkly, fluffy place full of glittery unicorns prancing about, dispensing cupcakes and Prosecco. I wish it was, I could do with a drink.

I've been on MN with various name changes over the years and have personally had loads of valuable support at really hard times, mostly in the Litter Tray and Alcohol Support topics. I've been so grateful to some posters that have helped me get through some RL shit I was really struggling with.

But then I don't post in AIBU about serious things. The bun fights are mostly contained in AIBU.

If you think someone is genuinely being downright horrible then report it and MN will remove it.

But I must admit I lose my patience when someone posts in AIBU, lots of posters disagree with them fairly bluntly, and the OP does a massive flounce and calls everyone abusive for disagreeing with them. If you want fluffy hugs and for everyone to agree with you when you're clearly wrong then go to netmums.

YANBU. MN is losing its authority and reputation, what there was of it to start.

The massive appeal of this place used to be the fact that it was populated by straight-talking no nonsense women who could furiously disagree on one thread, and agree on another. You know, like grown ups who don't need the teachers "patrolling" the threads.
But now it's populated by some individuals who take delight in being grade A bitches for fun. And that sort of behaviour is basically bullying. Yes you can report posts but a decently-maintained site would be on the look out for repeat offenders. I've reported posts that are akin to bullying and they get left up. We're not talking about the odd disagreement and differences of opinion, we're talking about people who go onto multiple threads to *k with the OP's head or to be personally abusive to other posters just because they can. It's pathetic that people do this but I guess it's the same sort of people who post abuse on FB etc. and who enjoy a bit of online bullying of vulnerable people in their spare time. Not sure why anyone would defend that to be honest...

Love a good 'debate' - not so keen on the name calling - no need for that!

Back in 2009.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1231263/I-hate-mumsnet-Why-mum-thinks-parenting-website-smug-patronising-vicious.html

There is a way of saying things without the need to be nasty. It's all about how it's said, kind of like if you had to tell someone they smell, I'm sure most people would try and say it in the nicest possible way instead of "Laura you stink of fish, get a shower"
Which is what one of my neighbours said to another neighbour. It was horrible. She isn't known for being tactful but that was just cruel.

If you can't hack a bit of nastiness on here though it's the wrong place for you. MN is never going to be fluffy and sparkly and softly softly. That's what NM is for.

The Economist has an opinion too.

www.economist.com/britain/2017/09/16/foul-mouthed-mothers-are-causing-problems-for-mumsnet