To have had a good time?

[blindsighted]

Third trimester of a really difficult (much wanted) pregnancy. Myself and DP have been going through a rough time, mainly because he still expects me to be the same person I was prior to the pregnancy despite having HG, anemia and SPD. I haven't been particularly moody or anything, just tired and struggling - I haven't been able to do anything (still cleaning and cooking just too tired and sore to be going out a lot) and basically the only person I've seen the entire pregnancy is him (hard to go out when either puking or in pain to walk). He has NO interest in spending time with me and sends me upstairs each evening so he can play his games on the tele. So I am incredibly lonely to be honest. I have lovely family and friends but tbh I'm embarrassed to invite them over because he will just sit in the front room with us and play his games, it's really awkward.

Recently, I've been signed off work with anxiety and SPD and my friend who lives in another city called to say she's coming to see me because she can tell I'm struggling. Absolutely lovely of her, right?

So i told DP about it, he wasn't happy. I explained we were going to go to the pub for a cheap pub dinner and that the purpose of her coming was to get me out of my rut (that he's been moaning at me for being in - but unwilling to help me). Anyway, I got really upset because I said I couldn't see what his issue was, he's always moaning at me for wanting his company so why wasn't he happy about this. And eventually he said to go and have fun, but not to be too long(weird?).

I went, and had a lovely meal and the most lovely time talking everything out and just remembering that I'm a human being myself not just someone who is sick a lot lol, and after about 3 hours I came home, really happy. I walked in the house and specifically remember saying "hi babe" with a smile on my face. He went APE. I was so taken aback, I thought he'd be happy to see me so calm and happy.

Told me he thinks it's really selfish of me that I had a good time with my friend and that I'm spiteful for giving her the good side of me whilst he gets the "miserable bitch who does nothing but nag".

He went on with his rant and admitted he hoped I wouldn't have a good time. This was a few days ago, but I can't get it out of my head. Surely that's the cruelest thing? I have TRIED so hard to spend time with him, tried to get into his tv programmes, tried to get into his game, even bought tickets to events he likes - I had no appreciation and more importantly was just told to stop being annoying and go to bed. So now I'm actually doing my own thing, as I was told to, and it's still wrong???? I feel like this is a bit of a control issue, does he want me to just sit in bed and not speak to anyone?

I've recently started counselling as he's convinced I've got depression, but she actually thinks I'm quite healthy minded despite my anxiety and has suggested that perhaps he could do with coming along.

I'm really worried that he's being a bit abusive.... or is he right? Am I just needy???

It's almost funny that all he can think of by way of abuse is to tell you to fuck off when you've already well and truly fucked off.

I hope you're keeping all this texts as evidence if necessary.

Take photos of meter reading etc. It's quicker and gives you proof.
Ring all suppliers and say you've left as of ... date. Give ex name as tenant.

Please leave, my husband , who was very loving before I got pregnant, became abusive both physically and mentally. He pushed and kicked me when I was 4 months pregnant, I remember crying and thinking about how could it happen to us, we were a young and outwardly go getting popular couple, our own house etc from good families? I despaired as to what to do, I loved him dearly, but felt ashamed of his actions, and had normalized his behaviour, now, I find it laughable that I was ashamed, I hadn't done anything. I didn't leave and had another child with him so years later, I dont regret having another sibling, but I deeply regret bringing my children up in such an unstable environment, where life wasn't happy very much, where i was abused verbally in front of my children on a regular basis. Apparently there is a 'syndrome' where some men change when their wives become pregnant, the males are jealous of the child and become abusive?, I believe if we didn't have children my husband would have more than happy to go through life being doted on by me, not having to share me?The day he left after divorce was so unbearably sad, but the relief for us all was palable, we could laugh, raise our voices, eat what we wanted and when we wanted, without issue, shouting and name calling, it was bliss. As a single parent it has been hard at times, I felt shame at leaving an outwardly happy marriage, but my friends were gutted that I felt too ashamed to tell them what was going on and to seek their help, you know this needs to happen, go now, don't leave it over a decade like I did, you can't undo what he has done, it will only get worse, he destroyed my self esteem and personality, it's taken me years to get back to my old self and life is good now

You won't even believe this. My parents have announced they are thinking of splitting up.

Oh my days...you are kidding!
If they do actually split up, could you flat share with your mum?

Oh no, maybe they were hoping to do it quietly but can't if you're moving home.
Tlc all round

oh god @blindsighted where are you staying just now?

Holy fuckballs

Hi blindsighted. I know things have moved on a bit since you first posted but I just had to reply because honestly, I read your posts wondering if you were with my ex. So many similarities it’s scary.

• he always picked fights with me when I came home from seeing friends, saying that I always came home extra gobby and annoying (when in fact I think I just came home happy!)

• he would get all sad and wistful when I got dolled up to go out because ‘you never make any effort for me’ (maybe if he’d wanted to do anything other than sit and play computer games for 12 hours straight I might have had something to get dolled up for!)

• he convinced me that I was ‘mental’ and needed to go to the doctor for my ‘depression’ (which I did, and got put on antidepressants for a bit, but they didn’t do anything for me and I think I knew deep down that I wasn’t depressed at all, just suffering in a very unhappy relationship)

• he constantly told me that none of my friends or family cared about me and I was lucky he ‘put up with me’ because no one else would (yet as soon as we broke up I had dozens of incredible friends and relatives rallying around me, offering my places to sleep and driving hundreds of miles to help me move - hardly the actions of people who hated me and didn’t care about me!)

• he stomped around the flat, punching stuff and breaking things if he got angry at me.

I could go on as honestly so much is so familiar, but you get the idea. I just thought it was normal and what I deserved. I am now finally in an actual healthy relationship and oh my goodness, it is like being able to breathe after being under water for ten years! It is seriously night and day. I’m so happy you’re making your escape but if you ever feel yourself wavering (which I’m sure you will, it’s only natural) please remember that this is totally NOT what a happy relationship looks like and it is NOT you. You are most definitely NOT the problem!

I’m so sorry about your parents (...been there too!) but please don’t go back to him just because it’s easier. You need to let your parents know exactly what he has been putting you through and exactly why you’re leaving. Please don’t downplay it. I know they will have a lot of their own crap going on but if they know what you’re going through there’s no way they will want you going back to him, no matter what else is happening in their lives.

Thinking of you

I read your posts wondering if you were with my ex. So many similarities it’s scary.

That's why it's called "The Script", because they all say and do the same things, it's like they're following a script. The advantage to us with that, is that we can predict what they'll do and say.

OP, sorry to hear your parents are splitting up, but I agree with Lisa, don't downplay what's been happening because of it. As a mum of an adult daughter, no matter what I was going through, I'd want to do everything I could to help her.

@blindsighted how are you doing? Have you managed to talk to your mum properly yet?