Did I over react over my slapped arse!

[Cheeeeislifenow]

I thought this girl was totally innapropriate but another friend of mine said I over reacted. So I am putting it to the court of aibu.
My friend has a new friend who came out with us on a night out. New friend is a bit younger than us but comes off as slightly immature.
The day after we were feeling worse for wear, I was going face down on the bed and new friend came over and slapped me so hard in the arse, I kid you not , it left an actual hand print and I was wearing jeans.
I was shocked and shouted "what the fuck are you doing". She was very apologetic but I cannot understand why she did this. She said it's a term of endearment.

Friend thinks I shouldn't have been so harsh.
But WTF! Is it normally to slap people on the arse, especially people you Barry know.
This is fairly light-hearted btw.

I understood what you meant @mumnyoflittledragon.

Thank you.

@Mummyoflittledragon

In that case, I apologise as I misunderstood.

sideways is the key.

I think you overreacted; but I can see why you’re annoyed if you have a condition that means it had more of an impact and as she is a recent acquaintance.

I suppose it depends on how old you are perhaps if you think this is out of the ordinary. I’m early 20s and it’s normal for friendships groups from my generation to openly compliment each other, speak about sex or whatever ‘taboo’ topics, dance in front of each other etc without it being seen as sexual or dreadfully inappropriate. If one of my friends slapped my arse, I wouldn’t find it shocking, perverted or consider it assault. Especially as having a nice bum is desirable right now. But if I told them not to do it, I would expect them to stop and respect my wishes.

@hastinng

I did not say assault or perverted or any of those things.... It just really really hurt and left a mark on my behind.
I am only early thirties myself and I have all kinds of conversation with friends about sex and even yes, shocker, taboo subjects!
But I wouldn't ever physically injure someone for fun

hastingsmua1 what on earth has slapping someone on the arse got to do with giving compliments and not having taboo topics of conversation?

blueskiesovertheforest

I think what hastingsmua1 is referring to is when someone slaps your backside and comments on it looking good
Which may or may not be acceptable in your friendship group or indeed may make you an immature twat !!

I've been on a million girls' nights out, countless hen parties and I can honestly say I've never felt the urge to playfully or otherwise slap, punch, lunge at or shove any of my friends and I can't recall any of them doing it to me or others either.

It's not about perversion or calling the cops or even if you've got some hidden condition ffs, just don't hit people whether in 'fun' or not unless it's some consensual horse/sex play. There is never any need to hit people, even if it doesn't hurt, it's annoying and childish. Just keep your handsy instincts under control. Jesus, we can teach small kids not to do it so why is it so difficult for adults to grasp?

You did not overreact OP, she needed telling in no uncertain terms and if there's a repeat she needs binning.

I think what disturbs me is people making out this sort of act is fine within a group of friends as it’s a joke. Where are your boundaries?

But she DID tell her and she DID apologise so that should be the end of the matter.
What you do or don't find the urge to do has little relevance. The poor girl who did the slapping was probably mortified after and if she understands how this is a no go for the OP then all well and good.

Personally, my "boundaries" (I hate that word) are in different places depending on the group of people or situation I'm in.

areyoureallysaying ah okay. I think it's a false analogy though. I have female friends with whom I can talk about topics which might not even have crossed an early 20s person's radar, but I wouldn't touch their arses

@areyoureallysaying

I have stated already I know she meant no harm, I don't think it was evil or malicious and yes I have let it go. But mutual friend brought it up and said MY reaction was unreasonable..that is my aibu.

I often enjoy getting my arse smacked, but would have reacted in exactly the same way as you OP. She had no right or reason to do it, she violated your bodily autonomy without your consent, I'd have been fuming!

Nor would I hit them...

"Playful" hitting/ pushing/ shoving/ flicking is something that would really put me off anybody. I'm not sure it's remotely linked to squeemishness, taboo topics of conversation or ability to give compliments though.

The people who "playfully" hit/ shove are usually the types totally terrified of and therefore incapable of talking about anything serious in my experience...

It wouldn't be ok for anyone to slap someone that hard on any other part of their body, why is it ok when it's an arse, and why is it different because it's a woman. If my dp slapped me on the arse so hard be left a hand print or, if I slapped my child playfully on the arse so hard it left a hand print, the response wpuld be completely different.
She was probably just trying to have a laugh but I font know why people think it's funny to hit people that hard.

I wpuld do it back to her next time your out OP. Remember and do it in a playful manner though.

It would depend on whether I wanted her to do It again!

I would not shove someone face first - that would be dangerous and likely take an eye out, sideways is the key.

Yup and just as funny

If a DP had done this it would be a unanimous LTB.

Luckily she didn't do it to me...my reduced would have meant I swung round and slapped her back...possibly across the face. Just like I did once with my then boss, when he did the same but not so violently. He had the sense to realise he'd been inappropriate and apologised.

I think your response was wholly appropriate OP

With the size of my arse it would probably have swallowed her hand up to the elbow if she had slapped mine.

reduced = reaction

I would have involuntarily kicked her or at least very loud expletives. I have slapped someone before who came up behind me to give me a fright, it was a reflex action.

Joke or not, male or female it's not ok and not very funny. This kind of thing gets me disproportionately annoyed.

@blueskies, I have very deep conversations with both my friends and partner and communication is a very important part of my life, the fact that I can also joke and have fun with my family and friends is no reflection on my ability to take things seriously.

Everyone needs to laugh and enjoy life, just because your way is different to someone else's doesn't make theirs wrong, they just walk a different path.

See how deep I can be..... pulled that one out of my vege garden when I got shoved in by my hubby while I was trying to pick a pumpkin...... right before I hose the shite out of that CF lol.

I'd have fucking punched her.