Did I over react over my slapped arse!

[Cheeeeislifenow]

I thought this girl was totally innapropriate but another friend of mine said I over reacted. So I am putting it to the court of aibu.
My friend has a new friend who came out with us on a night out. New friend is a bit younger than us but comes off as slightly immature.
The day after we were feeling worse for wear, I was going face down on the bed and new friend came over and slapped me so hard in the arse, I kid you not , it left an actual hand print and I was wearing jeans.
I was shocked and shouted "what the fuck are you doing". She was very apologetic but I cannot understand why she did this. She said it's a term of endearment.

Friend thinks I shouldn't have been so harsh.
But WTF! Is it normally to slap people on the arse, especially people you Barry know.
This is fairly light-hearted btw.

It is not a joke.

I can guarantee it was intended as one.

Using words like 'assault' on a thread like this belittles ACTUAL assault. You are well within your rights to tell her to 'fuck off and not do it again' (and if she does, then it's an issue) but there was obviously no ill intent.

Intent or not - touching a person without their consent IS NOT OKAY. And hitting them hard enough to make that kind of noise (and a mark?), is actually assault. It's not minimising other assaults, it falls under the same umbrella.

Don't minimise this and add to an entitled culture where people touch other people regardless of if the other person likes it or not.

YANBU and it can be pretty painful too. What was she thinking?!

We spend all our time telling dc about bodily autonomy these days and that no one is allowed to touch them without their consent and that they shouldn’t touch others without theirs. I imagine everyone here who is ok with this ‘jokey’ behavior would be equally ok if their dc came home and said one of their classmates had playfully slapped them on the bum hard enough to leave a mark. No? Why not? What’s the difference?

And I agree the responses would have been very different if a man had done this to the OP. It’s not ok, it’s never ok. Belittling actual assault is wrong? Yes, so why are we minimizing unsolicited physical contact (aka assault) that hurts and leaves a mark no matter what the intent behind it?

Damntheman I agree.

OP, you weren't too harsh. Any slap that leaves a mark for days, is totally out of order. The slap to do that would have been very hard.

People touching my bum is a massive, massive flash-point, straight to berserker level anger/stress button.

How fucking dare she.

And no I don't think you're overreacting. I tell my daughters that any touching in the 'swimming costume zone' is inappropriate, as does the school. Maybe this fuckwit should learn the same thing. Hitting someone hard is assault too. Why the hell is anyone even suggesting that this is OK?

Whether it was meant as a joke or not, she slapped you hard enough to leave a mark! Way too much pressure. So yes you're reaction was right!

Your reaction was exactly right.

Why the fuck would hitting someone so hard it leaves a mark be fine? Shouting WTF was exactly appropriate.

Given the circumstances not going on about it in future and leaving it at shouting at her immediately is also appropriate.

If she ever does it again though I'd take an incredibly dim view and make it very clear that you're not interested in socialising with her again under any circumstances.

She was lucky you didn't punch her in the face. Seriously. If she tried that on someone in the street, they would probably take a swing at her.

I hate the way so many threads on this page go down the "just because you're a woman..." route. It actually has nothing to do with this thread. A girl slapped another girl on the arse (more than likely in ill judged jest). Receiver of the slap didn't appreciate it and should there fore have turned round to the slapper (who she has already claimed to be older and more mature than ) and said don't do that, I find it really inappropriate and it fucking hurt. Oh wait a minute you did tell her and she DID apologise ergo Job done move on !

Amongst my friends (especially the gym crowd both male and female) its fairly normal, as is the pushing if someone is in a lunge or a squatting. I certainly wouldn't do it to an unknown. But maybe she had such a great night out she thought you were on that level.

She was lucky you didn't punch her in the face. Seriously. If she tried that on someone in the street, they would probably take a swing at her.

And so should they. There's a massive difference between a random stranger smacking you on the bum and someone you had just shared a (presumably) amicable drunken night out with doing it 'in jest'.

I'm not saying your reaction was unreasonable. If it hurt you had every right to tell her to fuck off (which by all reports you did and she was very apologetic). To put it in the same bracket as assault by a stranger is nonsense.

@allyouarereallysaying

Spot on.

I have fibromyalgia and chronic pain. It must have hurt a lot. Your friend shouldn’t be belittling it. My dd cannot even rest her head on my shoulder for longer than a couple of minutes for example without causing issues and maybe needing treatment. I went to see my dd at a show a couple of weeks ago and my mother wouldn’t give me enough space to leave my arms resting on one part of the arm rest while she could have taken another. Just that touch gave me pain for the next 48 hours. Arrogant woman.

@Mummyoflittledragon

The OP said I actually have fibromyalgia and she did not now that. (I guess it's not the height of typical conversation on a girls night out).

No idea how Barry crept in there
He gets everywhere.

This is where lines get blurred - some people see it as just a joke, others as an assault. I'm sure this is where the Roxanne Pallett thing started off - he saw it as just a joke, unfortunately, he joked with the wrong person and she escalated it into something massive that got totally out of control and backfired on her spectacularly. No-one knows if it hurt her, only her - you don't know when you slap or punch someone in jest whether they have fybo, or if you are hitting a weak spot, somewhere they have been hurt before and it would actually hurt them when you did not expect it to. Some people do not know their own strength, that's why its best not to play punch/slap someone else in the first place, especially when you hardly know them.

areyoureallysaying so that’s the norm in your crowd but it sounds to me more like you’re a bunch of immature twats. We used to play a game at school where it was ‘hilarious’ for someone to punch another in the arm hard enough to ‘deadarm’ them or give ‘Indian burns’. You were ‘soft’ if you complained, or worse, cried. Wasn’t hilarious then, isn’t fucking hilarious now. Keep your fucking jokey slaps and punches and towel flicks to your fucking self.

Trying to frame this as assault belittles assualt victims and what they go through.

You're being ridiculous OP and anyone else who tried to say it was as such. Pathetic tbh. Even if it was a bloke who had done it in the same situation, all it is was a poorly judged playful arse slap FFS.

WarpedGalaxy
A little harsh to label us as immature twats (at 40+ I'll take all the immature youre willing to dish out) when you've never met us and are judging our "messing around" on your own obviously negative experience but each to their own.
My bunch of twats are the most supportive group of friends I've ever had and I've shared some of my best memories with them. The physical side of things has certainly never caused me to cry !
And lastly to us it is FUCKING hilarious and we will certainly be sure not to flick our towels your way

@FiveRedBricks

Whilst I agree with your sentiment, in fairness to the OP, she never used the word 'assault' or suggested as such.

I would be annoyed but she did apologise. You said yourself that she's immature - this is the kind of thing that immature people think is funny. I know it's not much consolation to your sore arse but at least you've taught her a valuable lesson now - I doubt she'll do this to anyone again!

Hang on a sec.... I never said assault at all. I also started that I knew the girl meant no deliberate harm.

And yes she is younger than me by about five years but it an adult with three primary aged children. So not exactly a immature 16 year old!

FiveRedBricks - I'm the one who used assault.

It doesn't belittle "genuine" assault victims in any way. It isn't a race to the bottom. There are different types of assault and different levels of violence.

If someone deliberately hurts someone and it causes pain, and it was completely unwanted, it's assault.

HTH.

@StopMakingAFoolOutofMe

If someone deliberately hurts someone

OP: "I also started that I knew the girl meant no deliberate harm.

PBo83
The new friend didn’t know she has fibro. Fair enough. Her longer standing friend does, I imagine. Yet she is the one, who decided op overreacted. The new friend apologised for whacking op and can be excused for not knowing about a medical condition. But should not have done it all the same and as others have said, I’d assume she was still a bit drunk. My comment was about how easily pain from fibro can be triggered.