Did I over react over my slapped arse!

[Cheeeeislifenow]

I thought this girl was totally innapropriate but another friend of mine said I over reacted. So I am putting it to the court of aibu.
My friend has a new friend who came out with us on a night out. New friend is a bit younger than us but comes off as slightly immature.
The day after we were feeling worse for wear, I was going face down on the bed and new friend came over and slapped me so hard in the arse, I kid you not , it left an actual hand print and I was wearing jeans.
I was shocked and shouted "what the fuck are you doing". She was very apologetic but I cannot understand why she did this. She said it's a term of endearment.

Friend thinks I shouldn't have been so harsh.
But WTF! Is it normally to slap people on the arse, especially people you Barry know.
This is fairly light-hearted btw.

Reminds me of the barbeque I went to I. the summer when my friend's friend punch me in the arm as a "joke" because she asked me if I was still with my DP and I said yes. It really hurt.

She shouldn't have done it but it sounds like one of those things that people, especially if they're young and immature, think will be funny and then afterwards probably think why the hell did I do that?!

My friend in work slapped my bum when I bent over. However we have known each other for 10 years and we know each other's limits and what we can and can't get away with. I probably wouldn't be that bothered if this girl had slapped my bum. Maybe she felt that you had this bond from you're night out. I might have said something if it hurt. But if you feel offended by it then that is your right.

What Ladybunker said.

It's so.depressing that there are still people on mn who think women should accept any behaviour from anyone and shrug it off a 'fun', 'banter', ' just a tap' 'it was only to get you to move' yadda yadda.

Wtf goes up to someone you hardly know and hits them hard enough to leave a mark and its ok?

I would have burst into tears as i react that way to shocks especially painful ones. I would have been furious to.have been put in that position by someone i hardly know.

It's not ok just because it wasnt some 6' 17stone man.

You underreacted. Someone's arse is a private area which you just don't touch without consent. Even if you've known them for years! Slapping someone's arse is inappropriate at the least, slapping it that hard is assault. SO not okay!

Among some friendship groups, a smack on the arse is a friendly/jokey gesture; to some people it's a shocking assault. This girl's mistake was in a)assuming that everyone sees a smacked arse as a bit of playful fun and b) almost certainly being still drunk and hitting harder than she meant to.
You yelled, she apologized and that ought to be the end of it - and hopefully she will think again before slapping anyone else's arse if she doesn't know the person well enough to be sure it will be taken in the spirit it was intended.

She was wrong to do that but probably meant no harm. She hasn't been taught good manners! She'll do it to someone else and might get in more trouble, not a nice girl. Very immature.

What willow2017 said, and then some.

But yeah, you’re a woman, so put up and shut up. A bloke would have punched his “friends” lights out.

Fuck, she would have had a total mouthful of me. As a pp said, if it were a hardly known bloke, there'd be uproar. Why is it difference because a woman did it? She hit her hard enough to leave a mark. Isn't that the definition of ABH? Definitely assault. Common assault is an arrestable offence and does not require a mark to be left.

You underreacted, imo.

But yeah, you’re a woman, so put up and shut up. A bloke would have punched his “friends” lights out.

Bloke here. I wouldn't 'punch someone's lights out' if it the intention was just messing around. I've got a couple of really good 'old' friends that might do this sort of thing. I'd probably find it a bit odd if I'd just met someone but, in drunken context, it's not the end of the world.

Who’s Barry and what did he have to do with it?

Oh come on. She misjudged you and the level of your friendship. She shouldn’t have done it (or that hard) but I bet she was showing that she was feeling comfortable with her new friend. She must be mortified.

My family (and friends) always smack each other’s bums when bent over. Not hard enough to leave a mark, though!

If DP slapped my arse that hard I would shout and swear. No different to the way you reacted to this friend of a friend. I would leave it there though.

Everyone has different boundaries. I have close friends I would muck about and do this with in a playful way and not hard. But if someone I didn't know well did it I think I'd be angry too. It was obviously not meant in any other way than jest so next time she'll know you don't appreciate it.

Haha, in our house leaning over with your head near the ground is an invitation for someone else to try and push you over - I imagine if I was drunk and a friend lent over to tie their shoe lace on the walk home they may find themselves getting a 'friendly' shove in to a bush.... admittedly some people might not find this funny but I would find it pretty hilarious.

Your reaction was fine, the carry on afterwards and giving it so much thought is taking it too far in my opinion. She misjudged the moment and took it too far, you told her off, she apologise, the end unless she does it again.

Only on mn is walking up behind someone you hardly know and hitting them so hard you leave a handprint through jeans Ok!

And being hungover is no excuse for hitting someone.

Shoving someone face first into a bush is hilarious? Wtaf do.you do to people you don't like?

If the slap wasn't really hard I'd have no problem with it. But yeah I would be pretty pissed off with her actually hurting me and leaving a mark.

I friend who was pissed did this at a concert I was at with her last year. The first time she did it, it was actually just fucking painful.

I turned around ready to have a massive fucking scrap with some unknown and saw it was her. I said fucking hell that really hurt! I went back to dancing around. She did it again, in the same place and I was fucking raging. I said to her don't do that again or I'll take your head clean off your shoulders.

She was a bit abashed but I was really sore and completely bruised the next day. It was yellow for ages.

So no, don't touch anyone like that, unless you want to be knocked out.

Stupid bitch.

Okay I am glad that others see my pov and not to put in a huge drip feed, I didn't want to put it into the op as it might colour responses. I actually have fibromyalgia and she did not now that. But that literally hurt for days on end.
And yes it did bring tears to my eyes if I am honest because It was a bit of shock as I was resting on the bed.
The point about if it was a man is very true as well, hadn't thought about that.
I know the girls meant no harm to me at all, another friend said I was rude for shouting at her.

No idea how Barry crept in there !!

it was a bad judgement call on her part. but the people talking of assault and being so furious as to never be in her presence again are over reacting somewhat. she was very apologetic, so clearly knew she did the wrong thing. she probably was still a bit pissed and being drunk affects judgement and coordination. chances are she meant it as a bit of a lighthearted tap and just got it horribly wrong in the moment. I would have reacted much like you did, especially hung over and getting a shock as you weren't expecting it. I don't think you were rude because you aren't in control of your gut reaction really.

i hope you're ok OP i have fibro too and know how the knock on effect can be for you.

Violence is never acceptable beit man or woman.

@willow, I would not shove someone face first - that would be dangerous and likely take an eye out, sideways is the key.

As to people I don't like, well I just stay away from them so they are pretty safe.

Also like to add that I have often been on the receiving end and it is funny as long as no one is hurt, it is only a gentle shove and as we all expect it, it usually results in barely a wobble, if you are lucky you get a full tumble on to the ground but that is rare.... lighten up, we all do it and we all find it funny, we don't go round shoving strangers in to bushes.... only friends

Yeah man not good

@StoppinBy

Damn you and your rational, humorous approach to things!

It's depressing that some people think this is a joke.

It is not a joke.