To think that my teen shouldn't be waking up all night

[BlitheringIdiots]

DS13 has always been a good sleeper. Head hitting pillow and going straight through until I wake him for school. However in the past 3-6 months he's been going to sleep as usual and then waking up an hour later complaining he can't sleep

Take tonight as an example. Lights out 9pm. Asleep almost straight away. Then 10.15pm the tell tale creak of the stairs and he's at the lounge door. Back upstairs and a cuddle and a pep talk and I thought all good. Just about to get in bed myself at 11.15 and here he is again complaining of a headache and saying been awake for the past hour. Sent back to bed again with me sitting on bed quietly talking to find out what's wrong. Turns out nothing and headache goes.

We can then have this for a few nights before maybe a week of good sleeping again

IS this normal teen sleep issues? He can't go to sleep any later than 9pm because he's yawning as it is

Screens off by 8pm and then he reads for about 45 minutes before he calls me to say goodnight.

At wits end here and don't know how to help him. Anyone?

I got this about a year ago... it's stress and then you wig yourself out and produce more cortisol and can't sleep.
I take antihistamines and chamomile tea.

Yes much of my overthinking at that age was also about big things @FluffyMunchkin death, rape, house fires etc

Slightly left field but is his mattress in good condition?
My brother had issues sleeping and turned out to be the mattress was knackered - although he wasn't conscious of it, he was not comfortable at all. Only discovered when a Christmas get together necessitated in me sleeping in there and I started moaning about the springs!

Wow, some of you guys are harsh. He's 13, not 16. Can't you understand that some teenagers mature later than others.
My son is 13 later this year and he also gets sent to bed to read at 8 and then I tuck him in at 9pm. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that and I know plenty of other parents that do similar.
However I would be concerned about the waking up.
Good luck op and hope you find a solution.

I don’t want to watch re runs of friends or boring baking programmes. We love punchy Scandi thrillers usually subtitled, or psychological dramas. I can’t waste hours/years of my life (that I will never get back) watching re runs of fawlty towers or someone making a cake. Nothing we watch would be appropriate, dc don’t need to be exposed to violence or fear at 13.

Even if my dc could stay awake for long enough, I find my husband and I need time together. We have just one hour in the evening to relax and talk, it is just as important to prioritise time on our own, as well as time for the children. I am not sure I would be helping them by letting our marriage slide to the bottom of the list.

9pm is more than late enough in my view, and benefits everyone.

At puberty, your circadian rhythm changes so they you naturally can't/ don't want to sleep till later, but want to sleep on in the morning. I'd explain to him that it is normal for his body clock not to get him to sleep until later and discuss things he can do instead rather than lying there thinking about not sleeping.
A really good book to read on this and many other sleep related issues is this one

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0141983760/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid&sr

@Springwalk what an odd response.

I was using GBBO and Friends as examples - you said there's nothing appropriate for 13yo's after 9pm which is quite clearly bollocks. Just because they're shows you don't personally like doesn't mean they're unsuitable.

Of course you need time as a couple at 13 your child is growing up and has different needs to when they were younger. You can't just banish them to bed and expect them to sleep because you want couple time every night! There are plenty of shows out there that are suitable for 13yo's and aren't re-runs or "watching someone bake a cake"

Some of my best memories were watching things like NCIS or CSI with my mum, or Fawlty Towers with my dad. We ended up having loads of really interesting conversations that we'd never have had otherwise. It certainly made us a lot closer anyway, but maybe that's just me.

Springwalk, 9 p.m. is already early for a 13 year old; what are you going to do about your couple time next year and the year after, when the chances of making your child go to bed at 9 will, frankly, disappear? If you can't make your marriage work without banishing your children to bed you've got really quite big problems anyway.

@springwalk

Small children grow into teenagers and you have to change and adapt your family to suit that

The poster that spoke about sleep cycles is right on the mark.

A teenager's brain needs to go to sleep later, wake up earlier, it's just biology.

I explain this to my 13 year old and it helps him understand more than just the obvs puberty stuff.

We watch programmes together (No little screens for either of us after 8) and go to bed about 10. I have to sleep by then, at the weekend he stays up longer but sleeps in later. It's just how the teenage brain works worth regards to sleep cycle.

Worth reading up on, here's a basic explanation

www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/articles/emotions/teenagers/sleep.shtml

And I find it really sad to banish a 13 year old out of the room to watch programmes without them on a regular basis. Find things you'll all get into, I even watched breaking bad with my older son at 15. They're resilient little things, they can learn a lot from us!

DS1 is 13 (nearly 14) and goes to bed about 10.30pm...and I still go and say goodnight to him every night.

He comes home from school and plays on his phone for a bit, then goes to football training or on his exercise bike (or runs in the summer) after we've eaten. He'll then play on his xbox or talk to his friends and do his homework if he has any before coming down to watch TV and chat with me (usually after his 8 year old brother goes to bed at 8.30pm).

I love my evenings with him (my DH works aways so it's often just me and the boys) and I can't imagine banishing him to his room with no screens after 8pm...I don't even do that with my 8 year old!

I'd stop the laptop in his bedroom, have it downstairs in the family area. My teenager (not much older than your son) goes up about 9.30/10pm - his choice - and we spend the evening together; he plays Fortnite for part of it and then we watch TV together.
I don't tuck him in but I always go up and say goodnight to him before I come back downstairs to work.

For the record, again, there is no banishing. He wants to do his hobby

Had a chat with a RL friend who is going through the Same with her DD13 (and did with her now grown up children). Also chatted to a colleague who is only 10 years older than DS and he says he couldn't wait to be able to spend time on his own hobby and didn't want to always be with his parents.

Had a chat with DS. He said he doesn't want to watch tv all the time but prefers to play laptop games with mates. I said he can stay down stairs anytime and watch tv with us or play on the switch etc. He is going to try going to sleep an hour later. He is also going to have a snack at some point before sleep time. He says nothing is worrying him at all. Says very happy with our family life. Hes doing well at school and has lots of mates there. Not in trouble apart from usual young teen silliness chatting etc.

I personally couldn't think of anything worse as a teen than being forced to stay downstairs when I just wanted to go upstairs and listen to music etc.

I don't think there is a normal way after reading all your comments. Seems we are all different beings with different preferences.

Going to get eyes tested, adjust sleep time (his decision) and get him to eat more to fill up his stomach so when he does wake during night he's not hungry.

And no we won't be watching breaking bad, TWD, Game of Thrones, You, Osark, Fortitude with a just 13 year old quite yet. Hunted, GBBO, etc yes but personally, again it's personal take on things, there's plenty of time for gritty violent dramas.

Thanks for the words of advice even though some of it was a bit left field.

I think you're trying to send him to bed too early - you're stopping his access to his hobbies at 8pm - what do you want him to do between 8pm and bedtime if a lot of your TV shows are inappropriate? That's not meant to sound rude, btw, I'm just curious.

If his bedtime is going to be 10pm, are you willing to let him have his laptop and phone until later in the evening so he has something to do?

Nope. He has laptop til 8,30pm. Then reading listening to music whatever he wants until he wants to go to sleep. Should be a break between screens and sleep. Known fact.

He's upstairs now on laptop. We've had dinner and watched something together. He said he's going upstairs and We said ok no worries.

Happy child :-)

Don't need phones and laptops to have something to do. That's the problem with kids these days - they don't learn to be bored and find something to do. He's getting a life skill ;-)

Could he be anaemic? It could be caused by his diet and it would explain the sleeplessness. It’s easy to rule it out with a blood test.

You could try a magnesium supplement, or general vitamin/mineral supplement if he doesn't take one already. Magnesium deficiency leads to disrupted sleep and B vitamins are good for supporting hormonal function.

All quiet tonight ..... off to bed and hopefully he will stay asleep tonight. After two hours after school activity he should be shattered. So long as nothing wakes him .....

I think your suggestions are fine OP, my DS13 goes upstairs at 10pm, but I make sure he gets off the play station at 9 at latest on a school night. He also gets up for a wander around after being asleep for an hour sometimes.

How did last night go?

Mine are 14 and 13. They are gaming/music/downstairs till about 9/9.30 ish then one may have a bath or shower etc they sort this themselves. They take themselves to bed.. I say night when I go up. They are usually still awake at 11 but don't ever hassle me.

Just a question OP, do you see what he is doing on the laptop?

Could he have been looking at something that he shouldn't and that is waking him up, whilst you think he is gaming?

At 13 he's still growing - could he be lacking in vitamins and minerals? Lots of people are lacking magnesium for example and B vitamins, both essential for good sleep. Does he say he is restless? Restless legs?