To think that my teen shouldn't be waking up all night

[BlitheringIdiots]

DS13 has always been a good sleeper. Head hitting pillow and going straight through until I wake him for school. However in the past 3-6 months he's been going to sleep as usual and then waking up an hour later complaining he can't sleep

Take tonight as an example. Lights out 9pm. Asleep almost straight away. Then 10.15pm the tell tale creak of the stairs and he's at the lounge door. Back upstairs and a cuddle and a pep talk and I thought all good. Just about to get in bed myself at 11.15 and here he is again complaining of a headache and saying been awake for the past hour. Sent back to bed again with me sitting on bed quietly talking to find out what's wrong. Turns out nothing and headache goes.

We can then have this for a few nights before maybe a week of good sleeping again

IS this normal teen sleep issues? He can't go to sleep any later than 9pm because he's yawning as it is

Screens off by 8pm and then he reads for about 45 minutes before he calls me to say goodnight.

At wits end here and don't know how to help him. Anyone?

What do they do if they go to bed later? Screens off 8pm. So reading for two hours? Not sure I could do that myself.

Any number of things - hobbies, after school activities, puzzles, board games, watching TV. They could even have screens for an extra half hour.

Thanks will have a think about things he can find to amuse himself before sleep. He can't stay down with us else we wouldn't be able to watch any TV ourselves and I thought screens weren't good late. Maybe will push the screen to 8.30 and then find other stuff to do

Off to creep upstairs to see if he's asleep at last so I can go to
Sleep as I'm up at 5.30!

Is he drinking a lot or lost any weight?

Before my DS was diagnosed diabetic he had headaches/tummy aches and difficulty sleeping.

No doesn't drink much nor lost weight. Healthy and happy which makes it odd

Maybe it's just hormones changing his sleep balance. He's ripe for puberty now so shall assume it's that

Hes fast asleep deep breathing. My turn!

He's 13, loosen the apron strings

I find it a bit sad that he can't stay downstairs after 9 because you can't watch tv - surely at 13 there are things you can watch together ?

Maybe just relax the rules so he isn't feeling pressure to go to sleep ?

Cbt for anxiety. And gp to talk about.

Is he having a coke /Redbull in the afternoon? Even if he says he doesn't, he could have it at school? Redbull especially is full of caffeine.

But there are so many hormonal changes at the start of teen years... often you will find that they need to stay up later and need to sleep til later; I think, knowing that is a fact, that it's not fair on teens to have such an early school start time. Has your ds hit puberty? If so, it's perhaps half the reason. The other half seems to be separation anxiety (People may think that's a very early life thing, but it's not solely!), if he's only calling out for you when you're there and is ok when you're out then it's more like reliance, perhaps. Relying on you to comfort him, that might not last for much longer; maybe embrace him still wanting you to tuck him in and give him hugs?! You'll be sorry once he doesn't any more! A bit more leniency on when he has to go to bed (realising the natural changes in a teens body), might help. The separation anxiety/ reliance, you might just have to ride that out!

Definitely a later bed time. 9pm for a 13 year old seems very very early.

MirriVan I don't think being tucked in will cause him to be bullied. We all have different times to mature and different times to stop needing reassurance. Being tucked in at 13 is perfectly fine. He is still a child and just wants a hug from his mum.

So my 14 year old goes to bed st 8.30pm her choice, and I almost always pop in and kiss her good night, she wakes up early (6.15am) plays sports, and needs her sleep. I wouldn’t advocate moving the bedtime 9.30pm is late enough. We go to bed at 10pm!

When my children get phantom stomach aches with no root cause, it is always nerves and stress and something going on at school. You need to prise open the problem. Esp if the headaches magically disappear. If he is very worried he will be waking up in the night with worry.

I would also take the laptop away with the gadgets, if he is working or playing on there, then this busy cause him to stay awake. Obv all gadgets are not available an hour before sleep, is he waking up to check his phone? On line bullying?

If this behaviour is out of character then I would start your own investigation.....look at his phone check his posts, that of others. Start there.

Halfwitpicker got there before me. I wonder if it might be caffeine too.

Another thing to check is whether one of his friends is having problems at home. Maybe an acrimonious divorce, or perhaps there's been a severe illness or bereavement. Your ds might be dwelling on it, and worrying about how he might cope if that situation were to happen to him.

What time is your ds last eating? Does he usually have supper before bed? He might be due a grow and needs a bit of extra fuel to do so; just a slice of toast or two before bed.

I think his bedtimes too early. Maybe allow him a little tv downstairs with you while he has some supper.
Try a nice bath before bed but dont make an issue of this as it will turn into anxiety as he'll worry about sleeping.
Its more than likely a faze and school and friends will add worry/stress at this age. Hes a teenager 😁

I was in bedroom at 9pm when I was 13. I was always scared of the dark so I would sleep with a lamp on, so if I couldn't sleep I would do some reading or writing. There's no way I would go looking for my mum for a cuddle and to be put back to bed because I couldn't sleep, I find that odd. Why does he come to find you?

MirriVan I don't think being tucked in will cause him to be bullied

How would it not? Children get bullied for the littlest things, I got bullied for having a certain haircut ffs, there will definitely be kids that will bully a teenager for "awh diddums do you need mummy to tuck you in at night" You underestimate the nastiness of kids. But then he's not likely to tell anyone is he!? I'd have thought he'd want to keep that under wraps for exactly that reason

Why do you take his phone away after school? At 13 this is the time teens socialise online, not necessarily good always but it’s true. Your boundaries re bedtime and tv also seem very strict. It sounds like you want him to remain your baby re tucking in, when he’s growing into an adolescent and needs more independence and to be allowed to do what other kids do. I think you maybe need joint counselling with him if you are unable to let go and let him grow up

Try running a fan for s white noise. My DS hit puberty and when he came into a lightsleep cycle would often wake from general house creaks etc. The fan noise just kept any background stuff from stirring him up.

You’re doing a lot of thinking for him. For example feeling that you need to structure an extra half hour for him. Could this approach add to his anxiety?

Here in lreland they go to Secondary at 13 and l let them choose their own bedtime yhen. 9bviously if they blew it staying up too late they would lose that privelege. But l found tiredness had them heading to bed early most nights. Also if they wanted food before bed they just got it. Maybe loosen up a bit.
Its not regular for a teen to need his dm if he can't sleep for a little while or to be anxious if dm was out. Maybe your experience of boarding school has made you focus too much on a regime. My dh was in boarding school and he was like that. But my dps with a big fairly organised family gave us more space to make our own decisions and it worked well. Also we stayed in room with dps until bedtime as did my hiys. Its a lovely time to chat/ watch quizzes/ generally hang around together.

Thanks all

No not being bullied at all.
Has lots friends
Schoolwork all good - not in any trouble apart from usual silliness being 13
Walks back from school - he's not mollicoddled. He stays at home alone when we pop out and enjoys being alone then - no separation anxiety then
No doesn't drink coke nor Red Bull
No doesn't want his phone after school - he puts in kitchen and doesn't touch it unless he wants to FaceTime his friend to play online gaming. His own choice
Friend has home life issues so maybe it's that and when it's quiet he thinks about what if it were him
Some of you must be pretty harsh on your 13 year olds emotionally if you think it's odd to want to have someone say goodnight to you.

Will go down the later bedtime (he can choose lights out time (when he's stayed up late before and when I've gone up to see if he's ok as it's gone very quiet, he's fast asleep with light on and open book in hand) so long as before 10pm obviously ) and more food for a snack plus the eye test routes for now. Will try to find some TV shows we can all watch but there isn't a lot at that age that's not too old for him or just cartoons. We've got a few shows o Netflix we all watch together like Titans etc so will see if he wants to stay down with us and watch. Altho he would much rather be online gaming with his school friends and I like to
Encourage that too.

Thanks.

He's lonely. He's probably hungry too. He's not 9 OP

He's not lonely! He goes straight to sleep when head hits pillow but then wakes a few hours later. That's the issue not him laying there from turning lights off.

He won't eat any more food. He's been like this since a baby. He eats til he's not hungry rather than until he's full so a small meal does him. I've never once seen him go get something to eat when he's hungry and it's all there for him to take when he wants. Will try to force feed him a snack before bed