To think that my teen shouldn't be waking up all night

[BlitheringIdiots]

DS13 has always been a good sleeper. Head hitting pillow and going straight through until I wake him for school. However in the past 3-6 months he's been going to sleep as usual and then waking up an hour later complaining he can't sleep

Take tonight as an example. Lights out 9pm. Asleep almost straight away. Then 10.15pm the tell tale creak of the stairs and he's at the lounge door. Back upstairs and a cuddle and a pep talk and I thought all good. Just about to get in bed myself at 11.15 and here he is again complaining of a headache and saying been awake for the past hour. Sent back to bed again with me sitting on bed quietly talking to find out what's wrong. Turns out nothing and headache goes.

We can then have this for a few nights before maybe a week of good sleeping again

IS this normal teen sleep issues? He can't go to sleep any later than 9pm because he's yawning as it is

Screens off by 8pm and then he reads for about 45 minutes before he calls me to say goodnight.

At wits end here and don't know how to help him. Anyone?

He sounds very young for his age op. Are you sure that's his doing and not you trying to baby him?
There can't be that many tv shows that aren't suitable for a 13 year old. Let him spend a bit longer with you in the evenings.

Maybe a bit. Will work on it.

Who else is gaming online besides his school friends? What level of contact with complete strangers can he have while gaming?

What games do he and the friends play?

Agree with pinkhorse.

In cold light of morning after a sleep myself I'm leaning towards

Hunger
Puberty
Eye issue
Anxiety caused by puberty

So thanks for all the tips - however I'm not about to start letting him watch the walking dead so I'm afraid that night it's upstairs and in bedroom for him!

I’m inclined to agree that his bedtime is too early. Also, nothing gets me yawning faster than reading in bed! It’s a good way to wind down but I think that’s why he can only do it for 45 minutes. I’m also a bit surprised you say there’s nothing to watch together. At 13 my kids watched a lot of the same stuff as me. As long as there wasn’t graphic sex or violence. I think pushing everything back half an hour is worth a try.

Tough love beginning tonight then. No more 'tucking in' just a night love job. And letting him choose natural lights out (before 10 tho).

You have all been helpful - time to cut another string I think. Thanks all.

(I suffer from anxiety so maybe that's the issue too - will try my hardest not to project). DH is way more lax than me. I think I'm part of the problem and it's taken writing it down and reading comments to appreciate that.

Off thread now as I've got all I need from your lovely mumsnet people / not being sarcastic .... has been quite helpful. :-)

Why couldn't he watch TWD? DSS is 15 and I known him since 10. At 13 he watched what we watched and I can't imagine him waking us up because he couldn't sleep or wanting tucking in. I would expect him to self occupy at that age. He only once woke us up because he was coughing in the morning with a chest infection. You're not meaning to but you're babying him. If you feel he is anxious have you considered counselling for him? You can't force him to eat but you can offer food that he likes. DSS went through a phase of not eating much. It turned out he was trying to control his weight and take back a bit of control. A few changes to life and some of his favourite meals and he was eating more than the adults.

Blackcat - I've realised this - see my earlier post just now. But TWD is a bit off his comfort zone to be fair. Each child is different with gore. Will do a Netflix search tonight and see if anything takes all our fancy.

I'm sure a double rejection will help cure things magically

Really? That's your answer. You won't let your son spend time with you in the evening so pack him off to his room quite early. Then to cure his sleep problem, you're going to stop saying good night to him. I'm sure he'll feel great... Enjoy your tv show.

Oh god I didn't mean it like that!! Will chat to him after school tonight and find out what he thinks about it all and what he thinks will help him.

It's how it came across! And might well to him if he's already anxious about something.

If he won't eat before bed, how about a hot chocolate (full milk) and a plain biscuit? I can't see the bed time routine being an issuer for bullying, because who would know? It's not like he woould tell people at school!

Thanks and sorry. Hate texting because can come across so different the inference

Thanks for the tip. Will try that!

What's with the giving him k a 'pep talk' when he wakes?
What do you say to your son OP?, as it comes across as if you're making him believe he's in the wrong to come downstairs.
I too think you're babying him by 'lights out' 'svreens off' extremely early.

Why not leave him completely to his own devices when he wants to go to bed? (within reason of course) He's 13 not 6!

Allow him to grow up, sending him off to his room because there's not enough suitable programmes to watch us ridiculous, there's so many things he could be watching with you. Maybe also allow him to spend time just with you or his dad sometimes watching tv.

He voluntarily goes to play computer games - I don't pack him off. Then he comes down to say he's going to read and we say okay. Then he shouts he's going to sleep and asks one of us to go up to say goodnight. He doesn't want to spend every waking moment with us - what teen does - and it's good that he has a hobby he enjoys. I can't win really can I.

Anyway the issue is the waking up during the night not playing games or watching tv. I think we've found the issue with the earlier sleep time and will give a few weeks of later bed and see if it helps. It's not as if it's going to affect amount of sleep because last night he must have had about 7 hours total anyway.

Will try the later bed but I'm not having him watching TWD or game of thrones and the like

DS is 14, he has always found it very hard to fall asleep, but is normally ok once asleep.

I think your DS bedtime is a bit early, but like you I’m a 5 hours a night person, so I have accepted DS needs less than average.

If I were you I would try to work on him staying in bed if he wakes. It took years for my DS to accept that staying lying quietly in bed was the best ay to fall asleep.

I don’t have any magic suggestions, but will ask DS what he thinks when he gets up

Thanks. Just woken him up then I'm off to work so will have a chat later with him when I see him after school tonight.

Maybe he's falling asleep and then maybe a noise wakes him and he's had enough of a 'nap' and he's wide awake. Happens to me sometimes too. Although mine is the change. That's why I thought puberty as that's a hormonal change too like me!

Will try to force feed him a snack before bed

This is kind of what I’m trying to get at about perhaps your approach leading to some anxiety on his part. Why “force” anything? Just offer him a snack if you think it might be hunger.

You are expecting a 13 year old to sleep for 11 hours a night?

I am not surprised he struggles to do that.

Maybe a glass of water and toast before bed. Mine will keep waking up if theyre hungry. Lights off at 930pm to let him feel more tired.

My sensitive non sleeper (younger than yours) stays up with us till 9.30 maybe 10. Usually watch stuff like quizzes, documentaries, nature programmes, celebrity hunted... There is usually something.

I send my kids up to bed by themselves but I think it's nice to tuck in and kiss goodnight once they are settled. Totally normal.

Utter madness to suggest “tucking in” needs to stop. That’s the time when teens will talk and actually tell you what’s going on in their lives.

Stranger Things is a good series to watch together. I agree with PP that 9 is a bit early and although it’s nice to have parent time tv in the evenings, things will change and you’ll find you enjoy the change and the next step in parenting.