AIBU: Teenage friend put on the sex offenders list for 'pantsing' someone at school

[Neonata]

Last week one of my 15YO DS's closest friends pulled a classmate's gym shorts down in the changing rooms as a prank and unfortunately his pants also came down and he was momentarily exposed. The boy then escalated this and the friend has now been isolated for a day, then excluded for a day and also put on the sex offenders list!!

AIBU to think this is a massive over reaction by the school?? He is a lovely boy who is usually really well behaved and generally high achieving academically.

I'm wondering that this will demonise him so much that he will start thinking he is actually a bad person and it will be enough to send him down the wrong path.

so your thread title says he's on the list, your opening post said "and also put on the sex offenders list", but now it's "is going on the register". So he's not actually on it. Chances are he's been warned that he might, or told that he should go on it - but maybe jut as part of a scary bollocking, which he's now fretting over, in a teenage drama kind of way.
This thread is kind of redundant until 'teenage friend put on the sex offenders list' is actually a thing.

In what way bizarre?

And pulling somebody's shorts down, underpants or not, is a horrible thing to do and done only to humiliate. Bullying, in fact.

I think your son needs new friends.

Yep.

@Nickpan According to my DS "he's been put on the same register as XXXX who filmed himself with XXXX".

It doesn't compare IMO.

Could you clarify why you thought his academic success was relevant?
The boy who raped me was a straight A student (as I was).

That said, this does sound like stupid teenage messing around and I would wait for more official sources than teenage boys before panicking.

Are you saying he is now on this register, or are you saying he's going to be put on the register?

Op would you still feel it's not a big deal, if he lifted a girl's shirt and exposed her breasts? Because it's the same thing.
Appalling behavior.

The person who escalated it clearly felt it was a big deal.

@Cheeeeislifenow yes, quite humiliating, but they may have all just been in the communal shower

OP he is NOT on the sex offenders register. I know in some people's world they can't separate horrible, lying teenagers to the doe-eyed flawless babies they once were, but your son or his mate is lying. And also the friend is a bully, I'm amazed you feel sympathy for him.

I will get more information from my DS tomorrow morning before school.

I'm really hoping it's a warning only, as some of you are alluding to.

The reason I'm surprised is that his friend is so kind in general and this incident seems very spur of the moment.

According to my DS "he's been put on the same register as XXXX who filmed himself with XXXX

But you are talking as if this is the actual SOR when it's probably a Safeguarding Risk list the school has

Nickpan so what if they've all just been in the communal shower?

@MerryInthechelseahotel Finally some objective personal!!

There is NOTHING funny about pulling down another boy's shorts. Only a twat does that.

Given you don't know the full story I wouldn't assume that this has been blown out of proportion. I'm sure this kid is just a kid, but everyone had a friend who all the parents thought was a shining innocent but among other kids was not...

HE CANNOT BE ON ANY REGISTER, THERE HAS NOT BEEN TIME FOR A COURT APPEARANCE AND JUDGMENT!

this is one of those:

Op - is this fair?
everyone - your ds (and the friend) have got the wrong end of the stick as it is not possible to have been to court etc on one week.

Op - misses the point of all the posts and says - I just don't think it is fair to do that

everyone - they haven't done anything, it is not possible

Op - it just really isn;t fair what they have done.

Good grief.

I'm wondering that this will demonise him so much that he will start thinking he is actually a bad person and it will be enough to send him down the wrong path.

No, excluding him for a day will hopefully teach him not to be an arsehole.

Just because he is nice and polite around you does not mean he is like that all the time.

Otoh, as others have said, it is highly unlikely that he is on the SOR.

Otoh if either your son or you yourself think it is in any way relevant to a case of bullying/potential sexual harassment that the perpetrator is generally high achieving, then you need to have a serious look at your value systems.

Could it be it’s been escalated to the police and he has been warned this is a possible outcome if it goes to court?
And nice people don’t expose other kids particularly given all the lessons around bullying and social media filming of bullying

What a dumb knob

To put it in context, this 'register' is something a loose acquaintance of my DS has recently been put on after he filmed himself and a 15YO girl engaging in a sex act which he shared on social media. I can fully understand that, but this incident seems very different in comparison.

You might want to think about a serious chat with your DS about all sorts of things around consent, respect, sex etc. just considering the people he knows.

The person who pulled down the other boy's pants isn't on any sexual offenders register (god imagine if it was that easy) but if he is a "kind boy" I presume he is mortified about his behaviour and really upset at what he did to that other boy.

“Last week one of my 15YO DS's closest friends pulled a classmate's gym shorts down in the changing rooms as a prank and unfortunately his pants also came down and he was momentarily exposed.”

Difficult to conceive of a situation where someone would have “accidentally” exposed themselves at the same time. In fact, you seem to be more concerned about this than the fact that the victim was exposed by the incident. Either way this was not a “prank” but a particularly nasty bullying incident. Are you sure you are getting the full story from your son? Did your son witness the incident (assuming that you are not “asking for a friend”)?