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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can’t pick your in-laws

78 replies

Boboz · 10/02/2019 17:16

I have been married for 12 years and DH and I have a DD together. My in-laws have always been on the cold side but have felt we got on fairly ok. I have just got this text message from my MIL and I am really cross....Am I being totally unreasonable or am I justified in feeling p*d off with my MIL? Her message below.
“Hi., I hope you don't mind but I am organising a 50th birthday party for my husband I booked village hall and bar for Saturday's 31st March and I will organise all the food.. Hope this is okay with you and can you invite all that you can think of”.

OP posts:
Mishappening · 10/02/2019 17:18

Bit of a cheek to do this without consulting you at all. Silly woman.

Winterfellismyhome · 10/02/2019 17:19

Shes organised a party for your husband? Don't really see the problem tbh

mellongoose · 10/02/2019 17:19

I'm failing to see the issue, sorry! I'm assuming she's talking about her husband and not yours. If it's yours then that's strange!

LL83 · 10/02/2019 17:19

She hasn't phrased it very well but she is sort of asking your permission.

Is it ok with you? Will husband enjoy it? If so let it go. If not best to let her know.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 10/02/2019 17:20

Sorry but I have made plans for me and dh for that week end.

Floralnomad · 10/02/2019 17:21

Personally I’d just text back saying sorry but I’ve booked a weekend away for that date , perhaps you should have asked first if I’d sorted something . ( then book something )

pigsDOfly · 10/02/2019 17:23

Why it it a cheek to do it without consulting Op Mishappening? It's over a month away and it's just a village hall so probably not difficult to change date if everyone has other arrangements I would have thought.

What I would find odd is referring to him as 'my husband' that's weird.

Janetizzy30 · 10/02/2019 17:24

Why do PIL not like to give up responsibility for their children for that sort of thing lol. It's the wife's turn now not yours mother x

Oysterbabe · 10/02/2019 17:26

I think she should have asked you first if you were happy with it in case you'd already made plans.

Gottensomedraws · 10/02/2019 17:27

@pigs. I think the op has substituted the DH name as ‘myhusband’ meaning the OP husbands name . So if I’m right MIL booked a surprise party for her own DS without asking son’s DW first. I 🤔

YahBasic · 10/02/2019 17:27

Pigs, that was OP referring to her own husband’s name.

OP, this is the sort of thing my MIL would want to do. The way I would deal with it would be to call her. My DH would not like this sort of party, so I’d explain that and come to a compromise.

My MIL would think she was doing me a favour in that she doesn’t work and I do, so she would think she was easing my workload, rather than overstepping boundaries or taking control.

Original poster
Boboz · 10/02/2019 17:27

Sorry I wasn’t very clear. It’s my husband she is talking about.

OP posts:
QuintadiMalago · 10/02/2019 17:28

Just to be clear, does she mean her son, your husband or her own husband

sweeneytoddsrazor · 10/02/2019 17:29

When you say my husband did she put his name i.e Steve or whatever or did she use the terms your husband, or my husband. Is it her husband or yours. Why would you be pissed off. If its your hubby she might have consulted you first but its a polite enough text and its a nice thing to do.

pigsDOfly · 10/02/2019 17:29

Oh, it's your husband she's booked it for OP, not her own. That's why you put 'my husband' in bold.

Okay, no that is rather presumptuous of her to do it without talking to you first. I know he's her son, but he's your husband and she shouldn't make arrangements like this without your input.

FilthyforFirth · 10/02/2019 17:30

YANBU. I wouldnt be happy about it.

LiveCCTV · 10/02/2019 17:32

It’s a bit presumptuous to just book a venue and date without asking you, or your DH in fact as it should be up to him if wants a party (unless it’s a surprise and he loves surprises).

BUT - it sounds like you can invite anyone you want. Would he like the party? Were you already planning a party or event or family outing on that date? Is the date his actual birthday? If you had other plans then just say so but if not then, well you get to turn up to a party all arranged, food done etc, your friends included and no hassle on your part. Could be a good outcome?

PiggyPlumPie · 10/02/2019 17:32

My ILs invited themselves for the weekend of my DHs big birthday. Wouldn't have minded if they had checked with me first, not him.

So I organised a surprise party for him, just at home so not huge one. Don't think they particularly enjoyed it but I did!

Lifecraft · 10/02/2019 17:32

Sorry I wasn’t very clear. It’s my husband she is talking about.

You were perfectly clear.

woolduvet · 10/02/2019 17:32

It depends whether you had plans and whether your dp will enjoy it.

7yo7yo · 10/02/2019 17:33

I’d message her back and say I’ve booked and paid for a weekend away you need to rearrange. Can you ask in future.

TwoM · 10/02/2019 17:33

I would be really happy if I received that. Saves me all the stress, time and cost of organising one!

Momdeguerre · 10/02/2019 17:33

Is there more to this? Did you have plans to do something yourself or had it been something he/you might have discussed with them or is this utterly out of the blue?

I think that whether it's weird or not depends on whether you like what they have proposed or not? Does this save you a job?

pigsDOfly · 10/02/2019 17:34

x post with Gottensomedraws and YahBasic. Think I'm being a bit thick this afternoon.

So yes, OP, you're right to be pissed off about not being asked about it before she booked it.

LazyLizzy · 10/02/2019 17:35

OP did you have anything planned
If not then let her get on with it, saves you the hassle.

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