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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can’t pick your in-laws

78 replies

Boboz · 10/02/2019 17:16

I have been married for 12 years and DH and I have a DD together. My in-laws have always been on the cold side but have felt we got on fairly ok. I have just got this text message from my MIL and I am really cross....Am I being totally unreasonable or am I justified in feeling p*d off with my MIL? Her message below.
“Hi., I hope you don't mind but I am organising a 50th birthday party for my husband I booked village hall and bar for Saturday's 31st March and I will organise all the food.. Hope this is okay with you and can you invite all that you can think of”.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 10/02/2019 17:36

I don't see the problem. Event organised and all I have to do is turn up with birthday boy? My kind of birthday party.

Original poster
Boboz · 10/02/2019 17:36

If DH was still 18 then no dramas. I think She could have asked first before going ahead and booking something. DH would hate his mum organising anything for him and we do have plans! Smile

OP posts:
LazyLizzy · 10/02/2019 17:36

And why doesn't punctuation work on my phoneHmm

stayathomer · 10/02/2019 17:37

My mil does stuff like this but we get on well so I don't really read into it, as I ďon know what I'll be like in the future with my boys! It's lovely in a way though probably annoying. Had you something planned or could you put aside your feelings and go along with it then do something else with him another time?

FudgeBrownie2019 · 10/02/2019 17:40

DH would hate his mum organising anything for him and we do have plans!

If you have plans just reply that you've made arrangements for that weekend and could she rearrange it for another time. Your arrangements trump hers here.

bastardkitty · 10/02/2019 17:40

'Oh - it's a shame you didn't ask before booking. We have plans. Enjoy the party. Let me know if you would like to celebrate with my husband at a different time and we can agree a time convenient for all of us'.

QuintadiMalago · 10/02/2019 17:40

It is a bit of a cheek, maybe she had good intentions, is the party where your husband grew up and does he have childhood friends there?
If not then I think she's been a bit rude.
It all depends on what you want to happen, if your relationship with them has been a bit cold then maybe firing off a pissed off text could make it worse.
However if she's doing all the organising and the food, maybe just let her get on with it. You and you DH can have a different celebration by yourselves

QuintadiMalago · 10/02/2019 17:41

Sorry, very slow typing here and I missed your updates

FannyFifer · 10/02/2019 17:44

Just tell her that's unfortunate but u have plans.

underneaththeash · 10/02/2019 17:46

I wouldn't like it either, but she has asked....I'd just say thank you and let her know that there's already something organised.

sackrifice · 10/02/2019 17:50

'Oh no, we already have plans. A shame you didn't ask before you booked it.'

RandomMess · 10/02/2019 17:51

I think it's really odd!!! Fine they want to do it but you would ask months previously and then arrange it together!

I guess tell her that you have plans that weekend 🤷🏽‍♀️

Is it a family tradition you haven't been made aware of?

AnotherEmma · 10/02/2019 17:57

"DH would hate his mum organising anything for him and we do have plans!"

Problem solved then, just say something like "it was kind of you to organise a party but unfortunately DH and I already have plans that day/evening. If you'd like to celebrate his birthday with us another time let's find a date that suits everyone."

PinkGin24 · 10/02/2019 17:57

I would do what others have suggested - "Ah sorry I have booked a weekend away, you probably should have checked first".

AnotherEmma · 10/02/2019 18:00

FWIW I wouldn't say "you should have checked first". Obviously she should have but I doubt she's the type to appreciate her DIL pointing it out, especially not by text message.

If she kicks up a fuss that they can't come, the OP's DH should probably get involved, and point out (gently or not, depending on how nasty she turns) that she should have checked first.

BlueJava · 10/02/2019 18:26

That's strange! I'd be tempted to reply "Oh! as it's his 50th I've got a secret something special planned already". It's weird she didn't ask you first.

EmiliaAirheart · 10/02/2019 21:47

AnotherEmma’s reply is perfect and gets the point across in an impeccably polite way.

Guineapiglet345 · 10/02/2019 21:53

That’s so weird, I’d be tempted to be ‘busy’ that weekend.

Is she one of those people who see themselves as In Charge of the family?

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 10/02/2019 21:54

Shes booked, paid for, a party, organised the careering and probably the alcohol and you get free run at the guest list. I'm not sure what shes done wrong except organise a birthday party for her son.

Except of course, on MN, no male offspring, once reaching voting age, shall ever have a relationship with his mother lest the wife be aggrieved

Ribbonsonabox · 10/02/2019 21:57

I'd be pissed off. Fair enough to arrange something... but she needs to run it past you first as maybe you have plans... which is highly likely isnt it! Very odd behaviour from her YANBU

If you do have plans I think you should stick to those. It's really not fair to have this sprung on you like you are a random guest at her sons party... pretty insulting.

bastardkitty · 10/02/2019 21:58

^ ridiculous

bastardkitty · 10/02/2019 21:59

Sorry - that wasn't to you Ribbons

Original poster
Boboz · 11/02/2019 06:20

It’s the fact she organised and booked a party without even mentioning it to me. No checking to see if we had already made plans. If a party was wanted and she had approached me I would have bitten her arm off. But as Ribbonsonabox said I was invited like some random guest to my DH own party. Wierd!

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 11/02/2019 06:25

So what have you said to her?

flumpybear · 11/02/2019 06:30

Do you have plans that night?