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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Double decker bus on motorway with infant aged kids - opinions needed!

103 replies

ThisMustBeMyDream · 10/02/2019 15:02

AIBU to feel reluctant to send my year 1 child (although I don't think it is relevant, to avoid accusations of drip feeding, he does have SEN) on a school trip that involves travelling on a double decker bus approximately 30 miles, majority motorway.
I asked school, the bus apparently has lapbelts. The reason for the choice of bus over coach is due to cost. Trip wouldn't go ahead otherwise.
My child has done a similar trip before, but I had no idea that the travel arrangements where as above. I assumed it would he minimum 3 point seat belt on a coach, which while not perfect, would offer some protection. I am angry at myself for not being aware of this on a previous trip.
I asked if my child's Ofsted registered nanny could take him, and accompany the trip. I was told no, because the head has said there are enough adults attending and he doesn't want any additional.
I have an otherwise excellent relationship with the school, and feel they are wonderful with my child.
I have to make a decision by tomorrow whether to let him go. If I don't, his SEN will make it awful for both him and the staff in the school as he won't understand why he has to miss out.
I feel a bit backed in to a corner here.
AIBU to be unhappy at the travel arrangements?

OP posts:
Wearywithteens · 10/02/2019 15:08

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

FindPrimeLorca · 10/02/2019 15:09

Would you let your child walk half a mile each way on a school trip OP?

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 10/02/2019 15:12

Not sure of the relevance Findprimelorca. Can you clarify?

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 10/02/2019 15:12

We all went on a day out with my GD Nursery class on a bus. That's the norm.

There was no seat belts.

I travel regularly by bus and have all of my life with my children and GC.

How many people are travelling by bus on a daily basis? You are in more danger walking on a pavement.

CottonSock · 10/02/2019 15:12

I wouldn't have a problem with the transport. I'm not aware school buses even have lap belts, or normal buses, or trains. Is he not able to sit down due to his sen?

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 10/02/2019 15:13

The issue isn't the bus. It is where the bus is travelling. On a motorway doing up to 56/60mph, with other vehicles doing 70-100+ mph.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 10/02/2019 15:14

"Why not see if the nanny can drive him and you meet the school there. Then she can either drive back or hang around and pick him at the end of the day."

He's in more danger in the car.

But I'd hope the School would say no.

FindPrimeLorca · 10/02/2019 15:16

Because walking is orders of magnitude more dangerous than bus or coach travel regardless of harnesses used. Yes a three point harness would be ideal on a motorway journey but the risk is still tiny and much lower than a walk to the shops.

Birdsgottafly · 10/02/2019 15:18

"On a motorway doing up to 56/60mph, with other vehicles doing 70-100+ mph.".

So for half an hour, driven by a professional driver and generally people give school buses space.

As said, he'd be in more danger being driven by the Nanny. In the fatal crashes on the motorway, the children have been strapped in, in cars.

Wearywithteens · 10/02/2019 15:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 10/02/2019 15:20

I've never considered walking FindPrimeLorca because as far as I am aware there is nowhere local they would be walking too, therefore hasn't entered my radar. I did decline walking trips to parks etc when he was in private nursery as he needs one to one at the road side due to SEN, so yes, I expect I'd still say no to walking trips if they did them.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 10/02/2019 15:25

i think your over thinking it. Realistically the risk of anything happening is very low. It would be a shame for him to miss out on a trip simply because you don’t like the form of transport which will have been risk assessed by the school as part of the planning

Travisandthemonkey · 10/02/2019 15:27

Well obviously the SEN is relevant. Because it’s affecting your decisions.
If you want him to have as normal a life as possible then you need to put your worry aside and let him join in something which is perfectly normal

TheInvestigator · 10/02/2019 15:34

I would say you are being compleuete ridiculous. Buses travel on motorways thousands of times a day across the country; it’s no big ve never had a child with SEN so I don’t know how much of a difference that makes... but if your issue is with a bus then you really need to get a grip.

TheInvestigator · 10/02/2019 15:34

*completely

TheInvestigator · 10/02/2019 15:36

For goosdness sake, that was meant to say “it’s no big deal but I’ve never...”

daffydowndilys · 10/02/2019 15:38

I think you need to talk to someone about your very high levels of anxiety, in the nicest possible way this must make your lives very difficult.

coffeeforone · 10/02/2019 15:39

YABU to stop him from going.

Bringbackthestripes · 10/02/2019 15:41

On a motorway doing up to 56/60mph, with other vehicles doing 70-100+ mph

A big bus is going to come off better than a small car if there were to be an incident which, statistically, is very unlikely. I understand you are concerned but your DC will miss out on an awful lot in life if you stop him doing things because you worry what might happen.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 10/02/2019 15:41

In my experience even a coach only has lap belts. I have been on lots of school trips and the coaches all have lap belts not three point belts so the bus is no less safe than a coach IMO.

Lovemusic33 · 10/02/2019 15:42

Motorways are actually the safest of roads, there are less accidents on the motorway than any other road, it’s very rare for a bus or coach to be involved in a motorway crash. You are over thinking things and need to calm down.

DoNotWorry · 10/02/2019 15:43

I travel by coach several times a year and even the most modern have only lap belts.

Lovemusic33 · 10/02/2019 15:45

And please don’t let your little boy miss out. Being a mum to a sn child myself I have often had to fight for my child to be included in trips because the school have refused to take her. All kids should have the same opertunities.

Talkingfrog · 10/02/2019 15:47

When I was senior school age a lot of the school were bussed. They were either going down country lanes or the motorway. There were no seat belts in the buses.
We just came back from a coach trip from South Wales to disneyland Paris. The coach was new and only had lap belts.
Our normal transport bus goes on the motorway from Newport to Cardiff everyday, in rush hour traffic (and a stretch of motorway that doesn't have a good record. Tgere are either no brlts or kap brlts depending on the bus.
I csn understand your concern but I think yabu. The school will have carefully assessed everything first, including any needs of specific children.
I haven't asked whether there are belts and what type on any ciaches used by my daughter's school. I trust that they will not endanger the children or themselves.

Squeegle · 10/02/2019 15:49

I do understand your anxiety; but it’s not at a normal level. What SEN does he have? Is he likely to have difficulty in the bus? I think parents with SEN kids do have a high level of anxiety; we live life on high alert, always looking for danger. But we also need to know when this is OTT. And it sounds like your anxiety may be unfounded here. However, you need reassurance he will be looked after, I can’t understand why they wouldn’t allow nanny to come too really.