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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Double decker bus on motorway with infant aged kids - opinions needed!

103 replies

ThisMustBeMyDream · 10/02/2019 15:02

AIBU to feel reluctant to send my year 1 child (although I don't think it is relevant, to avoid accusations of drip feeding, he does have SEN) on a school trip that involves travelling on a double decker bus approximately 30 miles, majority motorway.
I asked school, the bus apparently has lapbelts. The reason for the choice of bus over coach is due to cost. Trip wouldn't go ahead otherwise.
My child has done a similar trip before, but I had no idea that the travel arrangements where as above. I assumed it would he minimum 3 point seat belt on a coach, which while not perfect, would offer some protection. I am angry at myself for not being aware of this on a previous trip.
I asked if my child's Ofsted registered nanny could take him, and accompany the trip. I was told no, because the head has said there are enough adults attending and he doesn't want any additional.
I have an otherwise excellent relationship with the school, and feel they are wonderful with my child.
I have to make a decision by tomorrow whether to let him go. If I don't, his SEN will make it awful for both him and the staff in the school as he won't understand why he has to miss out.
I feel a bit backed in to a corner here.
AIBU to be unhappy at the travel arrangements?

OP posts:
MonsterKidz · 10/02/2019 15:51

Hi OP,

I completely understand. I’d feel the same way. I worry about safety and seatbelts/car seats etc.

I think in this instance you need to take a deep breath and let him go. You will worry, but it will be fine and to not allow him to go seem very unfair on him.

If you decide not to allow him to go now, are you making the decision that your son will
never travel on a bus for the rest of his life? Do you see what I mean.

Better to live life to the full and experience than to miss out. The hardest thing about parenting is dealing with the worry and letting go.

GreenHouseKeeping · 10/02/2019 15:52

1% of road fatalities in the UK happen on motorways, compared with 69% that happen on NSL (60mph A or B) roads.

Its a very common error in perception, motorway pile ups make the headlines, as there are maybe 10 fatalities in one go, whereas the many, many individual fatality crashes just aren't as spectacular and newsworthy.

WellBHouse · 10/02/2019 15:53

OP, I was with you until you said that he issues wasn’t the seat belts, it was the fact he was traveling in a motorway! Here kids go on a motorway to get to childcare!
But I wouldn’t be happy with lap belt, but motorways are fine. I think you need to look at your anxiety around this.

@Birdsgottafly great anacdotal evidence about back in your day, as of course if you died in a crash you aren’t around to post on the Internet. 30/40years ago children travelled in Cars unrestrained, but that was mainly around the local village. Now similar journoes happen at 70mph and more traffic and working parents commuting with children. Just stupid to say it’s fine. I don’t like that public buses don’t have seat belts, but they tend to be travelling slower and in bus lames (frequent stops) so less high speed impacts.

IntentsAndPorpoises · 10/02/2019 15:56

What is the relevance to his SN on relation to the bus journey?

jimmyhill · 10/02/2019 16:04

They should be properly belted in.

All this nonsense about bus crashes being incredibly rare.

Yes they are rare. But a child not strapped in during a motorway speed bus crash stands little chance.

A child properly strapped into a modern car stands a good chance.

"Incredibly rare" would be no consolation to parents if the incredibly rare happened.

Doubtless everyone thought that bench-style seating in school minibuses was a risk worth taking until the M40 crash (en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/M40_minibus_crash)

The school needs to procure a coach with three point harnesses. Has this been risk assessed?

SassitudeandSparkle · 10/02/2019 16:04

OP, you say he's been on a similar trip before, you didn't realise the transport arrangement then though? Assuming he was OK on that one, what is your reasoning for not letting him go this time? It does come across more as you wanting to stop him attending and if this down to anxiety, it's unfair on him. It must be hard on you too so please start the process of speaking to someone about your anxiety.

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 10/02/2019 16:05

I don't have any history of MH disorderes inclduing anxiety.

I'm not anxious. I'm risk assessing my own child because that's a parents job - to make decisions in the best interests of their individual child.

WellBhouse I think you have misintepreted my post. I don't feel comfortable with children travelling unrestrained on motorways, regardless of mode of transport.

Buses on 30mph roads I have no issue with due to the low speed.

As for what SEN, he isn't finished on the assessment process, but so far adhd and autism.

OP posts:
Chewbecca · 10/02/2019 16:08

I think (not having been in the situation myself) that I would let him go. You need to trust that school have assessed the risk and made a rational decision - that is their job.

SileneOliveira · 10/02/2019 16:14

don't feel comfortable with children travelling unrestrained on motorways,

the bus has lap belts.

They are not unrestrained.

Travisandthemonkey · 10/02/2019 16:16

Why come on here and ask for advice if you’re not going to take it

Sirzy · 10/02/2019 16:16

How would the nanny going change the fact he is using a lap belt though?

OxanaVorontsova · 10/02/2019 16:19

If they’re infants I’m not sure a 3 point belt would be any better than the lap belt anyway due to height. It’s perfectly safe, it has to be for them to be allowed to transport children.

Steamedbadger · 10/02/2019 16:20

If the SEN isn't relevant then why would having the nanny there help?FWIW I would be fine with this trip

SassitudeandSparkle · 10/02/2019 16:23

I think she wants the Nanny to take him seperately, not on the bus, Sirzy

ourkidmolly · 10/02/2019 16:25

If you do a risk assessment, you'll deduce that bus with lap belt on motorway is still safer than 3 point harness in car on motorway which is your alternative. Add into that more perceived difference and alienation from peers at a time when that's presumably an issue. Think carefully before starting down this route.

tinysnickersaremyfavourite · 10/02/2019 16:31

I understand how you feel OP, I would feel the same. My children are rear facing in cars still at 5 and 3 and I do wonder what I will do when the issue of school trips arises.
I think in your position I would probably tell the school that nanny will drive him and meet them there then come collect him to take him home.
A child in a lap belt stands little chance in a crash, a child in a good car seat has a better chance IMO.

IntentsAndPorpoises · 10/02/2019 16:45

My dd has ASD and I'd allow her on this sort of transport. In fact I have. What are your specific concerns in regard to his SN and this sort of bus/seatbelt/journey?

All coaches I've ever used as a teacher were lap belts, not 3 point.

Topseyt · 10/02/2019 16:52

Coaches mostly only have lap belts. I have never seen any that had three point belts and I have had three children in primary and secondary school going on many school trips since the year 2000. Even on double deckers.

The school bus to our local secondary school is a double decker and has no seatbelts.

My DD3 is 16 and travels 20 miles to school and back every day on a public bus which has no seatbelts. As for me, whilst I mostly drive, I have had occasion to use local bus services. Again, no seatbelts available.

The bus you are talking about has lap belts. Already better than most. The children will not be unrestrained.

I think you are going to have to take a deep breath and get over this. The alternative will be never letting your child go on any school trips.

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 10/02/2019 16:53

I don't have specific SEN concerns. I put the information in my OP so as not to be accused of drip feeding (and that is clearly written in my OP).

My concern is that in the event of an accident, that unrestrained children, or children with only a lapbelt (where they have a higher chance of being thrown from) are at much higher risk of catastrophic injury.
Just because certain practices are the norm and have been done for years doesn't mean it can't be questioned, surely?

Travis, I clearly asked in my OP AIBU to be unhappy at the travel arrangements. I don't have to agree with others. I wanted opinions to see if they would alter my thinking. So far, nothing posted has made me think the travel arrangement is okay.

OP posts:
pootleposeyperkin · 10/02/2019 16:57

Lap belts - like the ones on planes are the norm on coaches.

Topseyt · 10/02/2019 16:57

OK, you can be unhappy with the travel arrangements if you want to be. Nobody can stop you.

However, we are pointing out that the travel arrangements you mention are utterly normal. You will have to get used to it or probably never let him go on any school trips.

pootleposeyperkin · 10/02/2019 17:02

Do you ever travel by train ?

Saucery · 10/02/2019 17:07

Our Risk Assessments specify 3 point seat belts. We never have a problem getting companies to fulfil that. I don’t think it’s an unreasonable expectation on the part of OP or parents in general.

YouBumder · 10/02/2019 17:10

I’m clearly being totally thick but I’m not clear what it is you’re not happy about? Do you not want him going upstairs?

IntentsAndPorpoises · 10/02/2019 17:20

Of course you can disagree. But you are clearly in the minority and your anxiety about this seems more than a normal amount.

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