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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Daughter being bullied at work

98 replies

Marion1934 · 10/02/2019 08:21

My 16 year old DD used to love her Saturday job in a shop but now dreads going in and has started coming home in tears. The manager constantly reprimands her and makes negative comments about her to other staff. It really is constant. From walking in she is told to wake up, put a smile on your face, hurry up, don't do this, don't do that, "why don't you bring a packed lunch rather than buying one", "don't take things out a few at a time lift the whole crate and tip it"(my daughter is tiny). Yesterday, the manager stood there watching her clean the shelves saying to another staff member, "We always used to have all the shelves clean by the end of the day when X,Y or Z worked here, I wonder what the problem is ". Later on she intervened by grabbing whole crates of produce and tipping them out, saying, very aggressively, "That's how you do it, not a few at a time. YOU are the problem. You are the reason it takes so long." Other young person working working there takes advantage of this. He does half the work and has praise heaped on him and he's started acting like the boss to my daughter too as well as trying to get her into trouble all the time. Can't find any advice about what to do.

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 10/02/2019 08:22

Does she need the job?

EnglishRose13 · 10/02/2019 08:22

You need to tell her to quit.

Teateaandmoretea · 10/02/2019 08:24

If she was my daughter she wouldn't be going back. I'd write a very strongly worded formal letter to Head Office (or whoever is most senior) telling them why and saying I expected a basic reference and I'd put my energies into helping her to find something else.

Fabaunt · 10/02/2019 08:25

Just leave

Mummadeeze · 10/02/2019 08:25

I was bullied in one of my early jobs at Tesco by the till supervisor. I was only there for the Christmas holidays and she was vile. Other subsequent jobs I did on Saturdays and holidays whilst at school I got on great and learned loads (newsagent, chemist, shoe shop, petrol station) so the issue was with her, not me. I genuinely think she should leave and find a new job with someone who wants to help her develop, learn and who is a nicer person. Don’t let her self esteem be eroded by the bully, it isn’t worth it.

Ragnarthe · 10/02/2019 08:27

Please don't get involved yourself, this is something she needs to learn to deal with herself.

OhTheRoses · 10/02/2019 08:29

Is she walking in looking miserable and dozy though. I have said to my own dc on an almost daily basis. "Stand up straight and smile".
The manager is being vile but I can see behind it a bit if she's walking in like a wet weekend and not putting her back into it.

MsOtisRegrets · 10/02/2019 08:29

If she is coming home in tears - she doesn't go back and starts looking for a new job.

Teateaandmoretea · 10/02/2019 08:30

So Ragnathe you really think a 16 year old is equipped to deal with this themselves? really? It would be a nightmare for an adult. The most important thing is her wellbeing and that she needs to understand that these people do not have the right to treat her this way.

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 10/02/2019 08:31

I’d complain to head office too.

Learning to live with it isn’t the answer. Learning to deal with it effectively is.

Keyword · 10/02/2019 08:31

At that age I would be telling her to quit. Some people are arseholes and your daughter is not equipped to deal with it yet and you can’t go in to sort it out for her. So she is stuck really unless she finds it in her to complain to HR. It isn’t worth it.

Teateaandmoretea · 10/02/2019 08:32

The manager is being vile but I can see behind it a bit if she's walking in like a wet weekend and not putting her back into it.

Well if that's the case the manager isn't just vile but they also aren't erm managing are they?

Stormy76 · 10/02/2019 08:32

Tell her to leave and find something else. To be honest as she is only 16 I would go in and speak to the manager, find out their side and make it clear that she is to be spoken to with respect or it will be taken further

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 10/02/2019 08:32

No one should ever ‘learn to live with ‘ bullying. Ever. And she is being bullied.

Keyword · 10/02/2019 08:32

Complaining to head office is also worth a shot though!

Teateaandmoretea · 10/02/2019 08:34

And just be aware OP that 'notice' is absolutely meaningless most of the time.

SuchAToDo · 10/02/2019 08:36

Op i would have her quit, and help her look for another job...it's not worth letting her mental health be affected by this (bullying does takes its toll on metal health)...

Help her to go above the bosses head to whoever is senior and put in a complaint about everything that has happened...

I know some here will say don't get involved, but do get involved, she is 16, she won't have faced workplace bullies or know how to deal with them, if you guide her now then she will know how to deal with this situation in the future..

Also help her to find a new job,

But definitely don't let her go back on Monday, she may protest that she has to...but deep down she will feel relief to not have to be around the bullies...

And if she has to collect anything from work after quitting, go with her, so you can be a witness if they make any bullying remarks

Happygolucky009 · 10/02/2019 08:39

This happened to me, my parents supported me in the decision to leave and helped me get a new job. But she needs to make the decision and act accordingly. If I could turn the clock back I would have resigned with decorum and then made a formal complaint for bullying.

00100001 · 10/02/2019 08:41

She needs to sort this, not you. A few things to consider..

Consider what they're saying, is it true? Is she walking in looking tired and miserable? Is she a slow worker?

Go to her manager it the store manager, or HR manager and talk to them about the situation.

Consider if she wants to stay, if not start looking for other jobs.

She needs to tell the others to jog in about lunch.

You really really can't go in and sort this out.

If she thinks she is old enough to work a proper job, then she needs to learn to sort it out.

If she's old enough to move out and have a baby, she's old enough to sort this work issue out.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 10/02/2019 08:44

This is a great opp to teach your daughter some valuable life skills and also employement rights.

It’s important to guide her because you risk setting a bad precedent for putting up with shit otherwise.

Tell her to quit.

Rationale:
This line manger is unlikely to change and head office even if they know it’s a problem are unlikely to do anything because replacing a manager at short notice is hard and retail churn is high. So from a pragmatic point of view, it is not worth pursuing...also she has been there 5 minutes so would get little/nothing in terms of pay off (2years is the minimum)

swingofthings · 10/02/2019 08:46

Sounds like the manager is exasperated and sadly is now losing their professionalism. They are wrong to treat your DD the way they are but at the same time, I would consider some of the things they are saying as it sounds like your DD might be slow and lackimg all sense of enthusiasm. Sadly this can be typical of that age and what exasperare many tea hers too but it is more noticeable at work.

It sounds like she needs to leave this position but possibly reassess her attitude before she goes for another one.

Soontobe60 · 10/02/2019 08:47

Op, rather than getting her to quit, would it be possible to help her stand up to this person? If she is a quiet, shy person, she may come across this treatment in other jobs. She needs some skills in being assertive. So for example, when her supervisor makes a comment about putting a smile on her face, give her a big fake smile and say 'is that better?'
If she comments about her to another worker, call her out on this, 'are you commenting about me? That's not very polite.'
If she is criticising the way she does something say 'rather than criticising me, please could you show me a better way to do this?'

Springwalk · 10/02/2019 08:50

Quit and find a new job. It is just a Sat job and not worth the stress

Teateaandmoretea · 10/02/2019 08:50

Sounds like the manager is exasperated and sadly is now losing their professionalism
ODFOD what a pile of shit and it's beyond me how you've come to that from the OP. It amazes me that people clearly just get a kick out of coming on MN to be nasty. I guess a similar type of person to a manager who bullies 16 year olds at work

Pinkbells · 10/02/2019 08:51

Please don't get involved yourself, this is something she needs to learn to deal with herself.
She's 16
Well done for helping her, OP. It needs handling the right way, and a 16 year old is not experienced enough. Sounds like this bully of a supervisor needs to be dealt with.

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