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AIBU?

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Original poster

Daughter being bullied at work

98 replies

Marion1934 · 10/02/2019 08:21

My 16 year old DD used to love her Saturday job in a shop but now dreads going in and has started coming home in tears. The manager constantly reprimands her and makes negative comments about her to other staff. It really is constant. From walking in she is told to wake up, put a smile on your face, hurry up, don't do this, don't do that, "why don't you bring a packed lunch rather than buying one", "don't take things out a few at a time lift the whole crate and tip it"(my daughter is tiny). Yesterday, the manager stood there watching her clean the shelves saying to another staff member, "We always used to have all the shelves clean by the end of the day when X,Y or Z worked here, I wonder what the problem is ". Later on she intervened by grabbing whole crates of produce and tipping them out, saying, very aggressively, "That's how you do it, not a few at a time. YOU are the problem. You are the reason it takes so long." Other young person working working there takes advantage of this. He does half the work and has praise heaped on him and he's started acting like the boss to my daughter too as well as trying to get her into trouble all the time. Can't find any advice about what to do.

OP posts:
WaterOffaDucksCrack · 10/02/2019 08:54

They can't discuss her job with you because she's the employee not you. You can support her but she needs to be the one to do it.

Also just because she's "tiny" doesn't mean she isn't strong. I'm tiny as are a few of my colleagues and we can lift the same as our other colleagues as is required as part of our role.

Lovemusic33 · 10/02/2019 08:55

I had a job like this when I was 18/19 in a small bakery, the owner was constantly making comments and accusing me of being out in the piss the night before, telling me I was slow and useless even though I was doing twice as much work as the other (older) workers, I think she just had it in for young people and assumed we were all lazy and piss heads. Eventually I told them it wasn’t working out (and she agreed) and I left, best thing I ever did, I had many jobs after this and did well in all of them, never got called slow or lazy.

If she’s unhappy then tell her to walk out, no one should be treated like this x

ambereeree · 10/02/2019 08:55

@Teateaandmoretea it's likely the manager is a young person herself.
Better your daughter just leaves. It's only a saturday job.
However, I'm amazed you know so much detail about the bullying. I was picked on at a saturday job but never told my parents. I just got on with it and found another job.

Ragnarthe · 10/02/2019 08:58

@Teateaandmoretea
I worked from the age of 14 in various Saturday jobs and I would have been absolutely mortified if my mum had gone in and started shouting at the manager.
Discuss and advise by all means but let the daughter deal with it herself.
Let's face it, a 16 year old is not going to be taking them to tribunal and can be sacked at a moments notice. So it won't do any good anyway. Actually complaining about bullying still doesn't get you anywhere when you are an adult in many cases. Also bear in mind that some places are a small pond. The colleague today could be the supervisor at a future job. If she knows your mum comes in to fight your battles then might decide not to take you on.
If she is unhappy she should look for another job, ideally before quitting.

ambereeree · 10/02/2019 09:00

As another poster said please don't get involved. If she's old enough to work she can sort it out herself.

cushioncovers · 10/02/2019 09:01

She's 16 she still needs your guidance imo. The manager sounds like a bully on a power trip.

Teateaandmoretea · 10/02/2019 09:03

Where have I said the OP should go in and start shouting at the manager? ConfusedHmm

I have merely said that the OP'S daughter is unlikely to have the tools to deal with this on her own. Which is why she wouldn't be going back and a formal complaint would be made probably written by me and signed by her.

Intohellbutstayingstrong · 10/02/2019 09:03

Please don't get involved yourself, this is something she needs to learn to deal with herself
.... and if she was being bullied at school? Same approach? Hmm

Birdsgottafly · 10/02/2019 09:04

ambereeree, some people are closer to their Parents and talk about what is going on in their lives. I'm surprised at how little some people talk to close family members.

Also, jobs aren't easy to find in some areas.

My DD was having issues at work that went into bullying. I composed a text to the, next stage up, boss. That and going through scenarios with my DD to put her point back, helped.

She started to look for another job, but then the Manager was sacked (the company had a catalogue of complaints against him going back a couple of years).

If you can't do anything to raise her confidence and help her replace what she is hearing with "you're so fucking jealous if me" "you sad twat" (I used to sing that in my head regularly at work to drone out one person) etc in her head, then document it for three more shifts and go higher.

Meanwhile make plans to leave after taking it to head office

Teateaandmoretea · 10/02/2019 09:04

As another poster said please don't get involved. If she's old enough to work she can sort it out herself

This attitude is exactly why foul bullies get away with it.

cuppycakey · 10/02/2019 09:04

Is it Next? DD had her first Saturday job there and the staff were bullied and treated like utter shit.

She moved on to another large well known brand and got on like a house on fire, she still works for the brand part time whilst at Uni.

Tell her to quit but do stress that this is not normal and that she can and will find another job that is far more pleasant. Have a look online with her maybe?

Birdsgottafly · 10/02/2019 09:05

"As another poster said please don't get involved. If she's old enough to work she can sort it out herself."

And yet there is an employment support line for just these issues.

Sometimes Adults need support.

dorisdog · 10/02/2019 09:08

People who get a kick out of bullying young people are vile. She's 16. If this was happening at school or college you'd intervene, so you can intervene here too. If she was older she might be in union and they would help sort it out. It always fine to have other people help a person (whatever age) stand up to bullies in workplaces.

Personally, I'd advise her to walk out and stick her two fingers up to them! (In my dreams anyway!). Otherwise, just don't go back and tell them why and report to a higher up.

dorisdog · 10/02/2019 09:09

...oh and get her to log dates/times and details of incidents. That's what a union rep would get you to do.

OneStepMoreFun · 10/02/2019 09:09

Let your daughter know she has choices. They include:

Standing up to the manager and saying she can get lunch from where she wants. She is not finding the constant nagging and criticising helpful. Etc.

Playing the manager at her own game. Saying: 'Watch it. I keep a record of how you belittle me and it's going to Head Office at the end of each shift.'

Leaving. It's a Saturday job, not a career. Do this either just by walking out or by explaining precisely why she's chosen to quit.

Complaining about the bullying to Head Office, whether she chooses to leave or not.

She definitely doesn't need to include stay and put up with being bullied on her list of choices.

VampirateQueen · 10/02/2019 09:10

This happened to me. I worked in hospitality, my manager hated me, when I was at work, i hardly stopped and turned my hand to everything, the one time I atop for 5 minutes to talk to another member of staff she didn't like either (I stopped because I had already done everything and there were no customers in) she had a massive go at me. Whatever I did was wrong. There were several times I went home in tears, so I wrote my resignation and left.

XmasPostmanBos · 10/02/2019 09:10

I agree with telling her to leave and find another job. She is only 16 and this need not affect her CV or anything. Being bullied like that will damage her confidence and she will end up making more mistakes. What I have noticed in these sort of minimum wage jobs is that sometimes a supervisor will just take against you because there is a personality clash or something and after that you can never do anything right for them.

There are some things you just have to suck up and deal with at 16 but a Saturday job where you are being badly treated isn't one of them.

madeyemoodysmum · 10/02/2019 09:11

If she can get another job quit and then tell them why

I’d quit anyway. Life’s too short.

I imagine she looks down because she hates it so much being with such a bunch of wankers. It’s not many that could hide those feelings at that age !!

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 10/02/2019 09:18

God, she's 16 on a Saturday job, it's not ceo of Apple! Get her to write a calm letter of resignation. Fuck it, life is too short.
And all those telling her to deal with it without parental help-she's school age, if she was being bullied at school woukd you say the same?

glamorousgrandmother · 10/02/2019 09:21

Please don't get involved yourself, this is something she needs to learn to deal with herself.

This^ I would suggest she leaves but she should do it herself and tell them why herself if she wants to, she doesn't have to tell them anything though. No job is worth that.

glamorousgrandmother · 10/02/2019 09:22

And all those telling her to deal with it without parental help-she's school age, if she was being bullied at school woukd you say the same

My daughter dealt with stuff like this herself, with my support and backing, but I never intervened on her behalf.

lanbro · 10/02/2019 09:28

My sister was bullied by her boss in a full time job at 17 to the point my mum did step in...absolutely tell her to leave or sort it yourself. I have a 16 yr old Saturday girl, she is treated with respect, trained and I know she loves working for me

Teateaandmoretea · 10/02/2019 09:29

That manager needs to be complained about - leaving and saying nothing is how they get away with it and then do the same to another young person. I would see it as my duty to inform the company what was going on, preferably in dd's name but if not in my own.

It's a bit like I witnessed some really nasty disablist bullying between two members of staff in a branch of Sainsburys - I reported it to the store manager and I would also do so if I saw a supervisor speaking to staff inappropriately. That it concerned my own daughter would not make me less entitled to get involved.

cauliflowersqueeze · 10/02/2019 09:32

Help her leave and help her write a letter outlining the reasons to head office, giving specific time and dates.

Deathraystare · 10/02/2019 09:32

When she writes the letter, she should do a copy to go to HR as well as her Manager stating exactly why she left.

Unfortunately, her being so young, people love bullying as they can get away with it, after all, there will be another youngster to fill the low paid position won't there?

It doesn't say much for the Manager, does it?