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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Daughter being bullied at work

98 replies

Marion1934 · 10/02/2019 08:21

My 16 year old DD used to love her Saturday job in a shop but now dreads going in and has started coming home in tears. The manager constantly reprimands her and makes negative comments about her to other staff. It really is constant. From walking in she is told to wake up, put a smile on your face, hurry up, don't do this, don't do that, "why don't you bring a packed lunch rather than buying one", "don't take things out a few at a time lift the whole crate and tip it"(my daughter is tiny). Yesterday, the manager stood there watching her clean the shelves saying to another staff member, "We always used to have all the shelves clean by the end of the day when X,Y or Z worked here, I wonder what the problem is ". Later on she intervened by grabbing whole crates of produce and tipping them out, saying, very aggressively, "That's how you do it, not a few at a time. YOU are the problem. You are the reason it takes so long." Other young person working working there takes advantage of this. He does half the work and has praise heaped on him and he's started acting like the boss to my daughter too as well as trying to get her into trouble all the time. Can't find any advice about what to do.

OP posts:

Deathraystare · 10/02/2019 09:33

I should add that at 18 I would have been the same (not able to say boo to a goose). Things will get better workwise and she will find she is able to stand up for herself.

chocatoo · 10/02/2019 09:35

Sounds like it’s not the right job for your DD. Maybe they would be better off with another male or someone stronger if they need things humping around. Tell her to leave and find something more suitable.
Don’t step in - she needs to address it herself.

Bluntness100 · 10/02/2019 09:39

My daughter has something similar, she started waitressing at a pub, when she was 17 and they had a 19 year old lad running the wait staff. Said 19 year old was a wanker who was leaving, so would do noth8ng himself, and then stand chatting with the wait staff he liked and got the couple of new people to do all the work for the rest of them. The owners wouldn't get involved and relied on this guy.

The first few times she told me, I basically told her to suck it up , thinking maybe she was being a snow flake, but when she came home in tears I told her to quit. It's not worth their mental health.

ivykaty44 · 10/02/2019 09:41

As much as it would be nice to interfere- don’t

Explain to your dd that you’re there to support her and if she wants to find another job you’ll help her.

Ask your dd what she thinks she can do to stop the bullying

But don’t undermine her in this situation as you’ll make things worse - support, encourage but let her work it out with support from you

Teateaandmoretea · 10/02/2019 09:42

Maybe they would be better off with another male

yeah cos shop work is generally a male occupation......

bigKiteFlying · 10/02/2019 09:43

I would encourage her to leave before it destroys her confidence going forward.

However, at 16 it would be a series of conversations where I was telling her this managers behaviour wasn’t normal, that there was no issue with her leaving – that I’d help her complain if she wanted to do that instead or help her job hunt – basically she had my/our full support with whatever she wanted to do.

I would be giving advice I wouldn’t be saying your 16 it’s nothing to do with me nor would I be saying you are doing this course of action. TBH I think most parent at 16 even older at even 18 would be taking this approach.

ivykaty44 · 10/02/2019 09:46

glamourgrandna

You can leave a job but school is not optional, at some point parents need to allow their child to make and feel they have made their own choices and not let parent sort it out for them. Parents are their to give guidance and help build their teens self esteem.

ivykaty44 · 10/02/2019 09:48

Big kite flying - sadly many parents of teens run their lives for them and I have had one Ladd if 22 turn up for an interview and expect to come in with him to the job interview...

SpanielEars070 · 10/02/2019 09:50

Find another job. Life is too short.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 10/02/2019 09:50

I’m all for sticking things out and being resilient but it’s a Saturday job and she’s 16. At her age and presumably with school and homework the rest of the week the last thing she needs is to dread her weekends. She should leave and find another job where people will be kind.

By all means contact head office but I doubt it will get you anywhere.

Teateaandmoretea · 10/02/2019 09:56

Big kite flying - sadly many parents of teens run their lives for them and I have had one Ladd if 22 turn up for an interview and expect to come in with him to the job interview...

Quite clearly that is completely ridiculous

bugaboo218 · 10/02/2019 10:01

Life is too short to put up with this nonsense at sixteen!

I think you need to step in and alert head office or go in and talk to the manager on your Daughter's behalf.
Your Daughter, does not yet have the life skills or experience to deal with this alone.

Support your Daughter and help stop the situation. If you don't then your Daughter's confidence will erode and it could impact on her mental health.

Also if the manager is not stopped now, they could go on to bully another young person.

Work place bullying is abhorrent as an adult, no sixteen year should have to endure it.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 10/02/2019 10:02

Tell her the boss is a cunt and that male employee is a cockwomble and that she should quit.

HazelBite · 10/02/2019 10:11

Unless you have suffered bullying at work you have no idea how it feels.
Part of you doesn't want to be a quitter, another part of you thinks am I as lazy and stupid as is inferred, and another part of you thinks I should be standing up to this.
It flattens your self esteem.
My advice tell her to quit, for your daughters self confidence (especially aged 16) it cannot be allowed to continue.
Encourage her in the things she is good at, build her up a bit, and try and get another job or even volunteer somewhere for the time being.
I feel for your daughter, I suffered this when I was in my 40's, and even though I didn;t have another job to go to I quit (for the sake of my sanity) The relief was immense
She doesn't need this.

MirriVan · 10/02/2019 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tinkobell · 10/02/2019 10:16

Clearly she just needs to quit for her own sanity. I think the suggestion made upthread of resigning with decorum and then following through with a formalised letter of complaint for bullying is excellent. What a nasty piece of work!

OneStepMoreFun · 10/02/2019 10:17

People saying, 'Make her sort it out for herself,' I wouldn't make anyone who's being bullied sort it out alone, whatever their age. Bullying destroys your self confidence and boldness. It's great to know someone is sticking up for you, uniting against the bully whether you are a schoolchild in a first saturday job or a long term employee.

0ccamsRazor · 10/02/2019 10:18

I would be saying to her to record the shitty manager on her phone, email head office and copy shity manager into email. Attach recording of example of what she has been dealing with and resign.

Bullies need to be shown up for the abusive harrasing cunts that they.

HoraceCope · 10/02/2019 10:25

My dd hated her weekend job, and despite me suggesting she leave, she didnt, and they transferred her on a temporary basis to a restaurent, which she loved, and didnt go back
let her back her own choices op.
my ds also had a mean boss, who he stuck with, it teaches them that bosses can be bullies, it is just a weekend job, not her life, think of the money. but ultimately her decision.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/02/2019 10:28

As someone who was bullied out of a full time job at 18 (and at that age I would not have said boo to a goose either) I would encourage her to quit this Saturday role.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 10/02/2019 10:33

The joy of being 16 is that you can tell your manager to shove their job up their arse if need be.

However, if she's up for it, you could suggest she just picks her manager up on every comment - "You don't like my face?" "You believe I can lift this very large box?" "You are sure you want me to just tip all the stock out?" Etc. If she can do this politely and see that the world doesn't end, it could be a great learning experience.

Or just "shove your job up your arse". I've always wanted to say that, and now it's too late.

talktoo · 10/02/2019 10:52

Lots of terrible advice on here. At 16, most people are not experienced enough to sort this out on their own. In fact as ADULTS many people can't sort this diet of thing out. There are whole psychologists, Human Resources and legal industries working to deal with bullying and yet some people here think that the right course of action is to leave a 16 year old to deal with it. It is our job to TEACH them how to deal with it. Not just abandon them.

HoraceCope · 10/02/2019 10:55

She can resign, of course she can.
She doesnt need her mother to resign for her.
If she wants to.
A phone call or text or email if thats easier.
I resigned via facebook messenger.
I understand resigning isnt easy, but tell her the options.

JenniferJareau · 10/02/2019 10:58

Many companies have a whistleblowing policy. Last place I worked had an email address and a phone number where employees could report issues such as this. Might that be an option?

TokenGinger · 10/02/2019 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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