Daughter being bullied at work

[Marion1934]

My 16 year old DD used to love her Saturday job in a shop but now dreads going in and has started coming home in tears. The manager constantly reprimands her and makes negative comments about her to other staff. It really is constant. From walking in she is told to wake up, put a smile on your face, hurry up, don't do this, don't do that, "why don't you bring a packed lunch rather than buying one", "don't take things out a few at a time lift the whole crate and tip it"(my daughter is tiny). Yesterday, the manager stood there watching her clean the shelves saying to another staff member, "We always used to have all the shelves clean by the end of the day when X,Y or Z worked here, I wonder what the problem is ". Later on she intervened by grabbing whole crates of produce and tipping them out, saying, very aggressively, "That's how you do it, not a few at a time. YOU are the problem. You are the reason it takes so long." Other young person working working there takes advantage of this. He does half the work and has praise heaped on him and he's started acting like the boss to my daughter too as well as trying to get her into trouble all the time. Can't find any advice about what to do.

TokenGinger Same to you. I meant don't go steaming in complaining and embarrassing daughter. I didn't mean don't offer any advice or support.

Rag. That's not what you said though is it.

Later in the thread I did.

She Shouldn't be coming home in tears, I would tell her to quit. In fact, don't let her go back at all - there are other jobs

This sort of behaviour from managers (especially in retail) is common it seems. My DS were both treated badly by mangers when they were 16. It's difficult, as you can't really get involved. I think the best thing to do is try and give them coping strategies and help them think about what they can say in certain situations. I've always encouraged mine to find another job before quitting, but if it got to the point they were really unhappy I'd say they should hand their notice in. No part time job is worth being miserable for.

I'm really sorry your DD is experiencing this. It sounds as if her petite size means she just may not be as efficient at certain things as some of the bigger, older people. A decent manager would recognise what strengths she has and delegate accordingly. Unfortunately your DD's boss is a bully and probably not very bright.

As it's a Saturday job and your DD is so young, I'm not sure that escalating it to a higher level would come to anything. I think your DD should therefore leave ASAP but just say breezily that she's been promised a better paying job in the next few weeks (you can really just make up anything), so she doesn't look like a victim.

Also tell her that with her wonderful work ethic she'll probably be earning twice as much as her silly boss by the time she reaches her age!!

Help her to write a letter of resignation and then help her to write and explain to head office why she has resigned.

She's 16 and it's a Saturday job help her to find another one.

Given your comments though I wonder if she is lacking in enthusiasm and ability for the role.

Parents are their to give guidance and help build their teens self esteem.

Sure, because only people with low self esteem can be bullied.

Of course as a parent you step in, just as you would if they were being bullied at school. And as for ‘it teaches them bosses can be bullies’ that’s ridiculous. Nobody has to put up with it. If you are bullied at work as an adult there are always other people you can go to for help, nobody would suggest you put up with it to build your resilience.

Tell her to quit and raise concerns with this person’s boss. But, it is also important she speaks honestly about her own behaviour and whether she is doing anything wrong. She shouldn’t be bullied for it, but the bully might just be able to turn it round and make it her fault.

I, too, have always wanted to say "You can shove your job up your arse". She should absolutely quit, it's bad enough having to deal with workplace bullying when your livelihood depends on it. Hers doesn't.

My eldest dd had loads of self esteem in her early 20s but was bullied at work, it had quite an effect on her health.

As parents guidance and building a teens self esteem I think is useful, but yabbers you mentioned low esteem - not me

My goodness, what a response. Thank you very much for all the advice. Read through some of them with my DD. We'll have a good think about what's best to do. We have to be quite careful about repercussions as she works in our very busy village greengrocers.
This is the first time that I have posted anything on Mumsnet and am wondering how I got through this far on my own. Thank you.

If your 16 year old is coming home in tears, I wouldn’t even be letting her go back.
Myself being 22 being brought to tears by a group of women at work for a year my partner told me to never go back, what’s the point?

As parents guidance and building a teens self esteem I think is useful, but yabbers you mentioned low esteem - not me
Sure, because you’d be building self esteem in a teen who already had plenty 🙄

That's hard for her Op, especially if it's the village greengrocers. Can she find another job & then hand in her notice? Who owns the greengrocers - could you speak to them?

I was badly bullied in my first ever job (in a petrol station) & it took my dad to have a word with the guy for it to stop. He didn't threaten him at all, but made it known in no uncertain terms that if he didn't stop treating me like shit, he'd get a taste of his own medicine one way or another. That worked a treat & I stayed there until I found another Saturday job (which I put all my efforts into doing, so didn't take too long, but that was a big city). I think some people (in my case a 20-something Guy) get a kick out of bullying young girls.

Good luck to her.

Yabbers, how much esteem is low and how much is high? What is your measure of esteem?

As it's a local shop I would have no qualms about telling friends and neighbours exactly why she had decided not to work there any more. Village gossip is a powerful tool.

Is the person you’re calling the manager the owner? If so all she can do is leave, if not, do you know the owner? I would let them know what’s happening.

I would advise her to leave and she should email head office why with your help.
No reason to stay at a shitty p/t job at 16.

It sounds as though the manager is losing their patience. They should be more professional but managing slow and mardy 16 year olds must be trying.

Quit...iv'e never been one to think bullying in tbe workplace is worth it.
Tell her not to look back.

'Slow and mardy'?! How did you work that one out zeroSum?

If you don't want to have to manage 'slow and mardy' 16 year olds then don't take them on, but of course they'll never stop employing them because they are cheap easy labour.

OP, please tell her to tell them to shove their job up their arse. My brother did exactly that and then and walked out at that age. It's not hindered him in his prospects in anyway, in fact he has a really good job now.

If the job is so bad that she is coming home in tears,why doesn't she just leave and look for an alternative job?