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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask who died and made him Trinny?

94 replies

justilou1 · 10/02/2019 07:32

A bit of background here - I have lost a LOT of weight. Not a humble brag, but I have lost more than my current bodyweight, in fact. This is relevant to part of this conversation, because sometimes I think I'm married to Mr Magoo.

I was putting away my laundry, and my DH noticed that all of my clothes were black, white, grey and green. (Genius - I capsuled the lot about two years ago. I love it - it works for me). He asked what had happened to my "colourful" dress. I had to do a major think about it, and realised that the thing he was talking about was from my fat days, and pointed out that it had gone in a charity bin, as it would have been like a parachute on me, and asked why he wanted to know. He said that my wardrobe needed a "Pop" of colour. I am nearly 47 years old, I work, study full-time, do most of the kid-wrangling, house-keeping, shopping, cooking, vet-trips, etc..... Doesn't leave much time for glamorous events, does it? For some reason his unsolicited opinions on my clothing are really pissing me off. (Possibly because he thinks I dress for him, maybe?). Of course I am ignoring him - and maybe contemplating branching out and buying beige just to annoy him. I don't comment on his wardrobe!!!

Why am I so cross about this???

OP posts:
NorthernBirdAtHeart · 10/02/2019 07:46

Perhaps he genuinely thought you looked fantastically sexy in that particular dress?

Or perhaps with your new found weight loss he thinks you could make more of your new figure in the clothes dept?

Either way it doesn’t sound like anything other than a genuine, if clumsy, question. I wouldn’t waste your time being cross about it.

Congratulations on your weight loss OP, that’s amazing! 😉

MsTSwift · 10/02/2019 07:52

Maybe get abit of colour? My dh sometimes buys me clothes and usually (annoyingly) they are spot on.

ChasedByBees · 10/02/2019 07:57

I’m not sure why you’re cross, it sounds like he notices your clothes and was saying something suited you.

MissionItsPossible · 10/02/2019 07:59

I’m not sure why you’re cross about this. If doesn’t sound like he’s putting you down or making snide comments about your clothes. Being 40 and working full time doesn’t mean you can’t have colourful clothes! And if you don’t want to wear anything colourful then an “oh, really?” comment when he pipes up with his opinion should suffice . Congrats on the weight loss!

E20mom · 10/02/2019 08:00

Congratulations on the weight loss. But his comment wouldn't annoy me at all.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 10/02/2019 08:01

You’re cross at doing everything at home whilst also working full time .... the resentment is bubbling under the surface and this sort of comment therefore gets taken out of context .....I’ve been there!

Congrats on weight loss, thats brilliant!

Hassled · 10/02/2019 08:02

You're cross because instead of acknowledging the massive weight loss and saying how amazing you're looking, he's picked something to find fault with. It is an implied criticism - effectively you're still not looking good enough because you don't have that pop of colour. Once you've got both the weight loss and the pop of colour to his liking, would it be something else - why do you never wear heels/why do you never wear flats? I'd be cross.

Original poster
justilou1 · 10/02/2019 08:02

Thanks for the congratulations.... Maybe it was just one unsolicited opinion too far, or maybe he just doesn't notice anything normally. I do kind of feel like I live in a ghost town. Perimenopause brings with it a special kind of discontent where nobody can do anything right and you question yourself constantly as well.....

OP posts:
Kedgeree · 10/02/2019 08:03

I have neutral coloured wardrobe. My DH often suggests I buy something colourful/ print or "pretty", as he would say. I think he's internalised the whole "women are pretty little doll-like creatures whose many functions include being decorative ".

SlinkyDinkyDoo · 10/02/2019 08:09

I'd say 'you're absolutely right darling, I do need a wardrobe refresh. I'll book into a hotel for the weekend and take myself off on a lovely shopping spree. I won't need to worry about things here because you can take care of it all so easily' then actually do it. Whether or not you end up with something other than the colours you mentioned is entirely up to you.

Congratulations on your weight loss.

Obviously I'm being mischievious about the hotel etc but do you need a wardrobe refresh? Are you still wearing clothes that are 2 sizes too big? Could you do with a break? It doesn't have to cost the earth.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 10/02/2019 08:12

I think you are cross about something else or there is some resentment there.

I think even if you have a capsule wardrobe it’s nice to have one or two dinner/going out dresses. I would also def be treating myself your weight loss sounds life changing...
My DP loves when I put on a red dress and I love it too, sounds a bit cheesy but it’s sort of an indicator we are going to have a special evening...
Maybe you should get a nice dress and arrange something for valentines ?

Stardustinmyeyes · 10/02/2019 08:13

I would be irrationally annoyed by the expression a "pop" of colour.

Stormy76 · 10/02/2019 08:15

Mine is critical at times as well....... but I grit my teeth and try not to rip his head off over a stupid comment. Menopause is horrible, it makes you sweaty, itchy and so nasty hahaha. I actually visualise myself beating the shit out of my family...... never would but I am surrounded by men (DH and two DS) who just act so thick sometimes it enrages me!

JaneHare · 10/02/2019 08:15

If he really used the phrase "pop of colour" then you seriously need to LTB.

Unforgivable.

Shoppingwithmother · 10/02/2019 08:18

I was just going to say that, Stardust - it’s the word “pop” like he’s a magazine fashion editor that would piss me off too

Geminijes · 10/02/2019 08:20

I don't understand why his comment annoyed you. To me, he is just saying (in a clumsy way) that colourful clothes look good on you and he would like to see you wear more colour.

FinallyHere · 10/02/2019 08:20

work, study full-time, do most of the kid-wrangling, house-keeping, shopping, cooking, vet-trips, etc.....

And you are wondering why you are cross about his asking fatuous questions about your wardrobe?

Ask yourself, is he doing his fair (half) share of the life work in your household ? Does bring with him make you feel good? Do you miss him, want to share things (the nice and nit so nice things ) with him?

Do you wish you had more time to go 'out'. Would you want to go with him?

If you are wondering about your reactions. Trust those reactions.

ps I am a big fan of the bared down capsule wardrobe. Things that look good without taking precious time. And the glow from living a healthy lifestyle that makes everything you wear look good. All the best

Mamia15 · 10/02/2019 08:23

The main issue is that you appear to be doing all (or most) of the parenting, housework etc.

Why isn't it a more equal relationship?

birdsdestiny · 10/02/2019 08:24

He does bugger all and then suggests what you should wear. He sounds attractive.

sagradafamiliar · 10/02/2019 08:25

Argh! A 'pop of colour'? What next, a 'red lip'? A cigarette 'trouser'? A 'fun' tshirt for off duty weekend casual market stall meanderings?
He needs to lay off wanky style column advice and he needs to keep his sartorial opinions to his own wardrobe.

TheMaddHugger · 10/02/2019 08:27

you need some navy 🙂

Soontobe60 · 10/02/2019 08:33

My DH is petrified of making any comments about my appearance in case I take offence🤣. If I ask for an opinion, he will be very non committal or cagey. I'm the opposite to you, in that I've put weight on (a couple of dress sizes over the years). He won't comment, but is very passive aggressive about it, like he's bought an exercise bike for 'us' and is always encouraging me to have a go. He uses it daily and I can see has lost a bit of weight! He's stopped eating dessert (we used to have a mini ice cream after dinner every night) so now I don't have one. I know he loves them and is doing this to help me.
I terms of clothes, I've sort of lost my confidence, so will ask him what I should wear when we go out, rather than put an outfit on and ask how I look.
The thing is, I don't dress for him or anyone else but I do want to look as good as I can, so I do value his opinion. I'd love for him to come shopping with me to try stuff on, but he hates shopping, so I've reverted to online shopping and sending stuff back.

SunnyCoco · 10/02/2019 08:35

He's suggested you wear some.more.colour.and you leap straight to talking about how much you do - working, studying, vet etc

So I think you're actually just angry cos you resent him for.not doing his fair share of the workload.

Realistically what colour you wear.has nothing to do with how busy you are! So maybe you need to assess if you're both pulling equal weight on the childcare /.housework / life admin etc XX

pictish · 10/02/2019 08:39

I agree with him...embrace a bit of colour!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/02/2019 08:40

He said "pop" of colour?

LTB!!!

And congratulations on your weight loss - very well done.