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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at salespersons attitude and view?

130 replies

Nothinglefttochoose · 10/02/2019 07:12

I went to buy a wetsuit today. I am an ocean swimmer and have an event coming up in 2 weeks.

Now I am not a small person but I’m not huge (size 14/16). The assistant asked me if I was training for an triathlon, I said no, that it was an ocean swim.

She then proceeded to ask me what distance and what event. I told her (it’s 5km). She seemed shocked and said “umm have you done it before? , it’s quite a big swim”.

I replied that I had. She then asked me how long it too me and told her I completed the swim in 1hr 25 minutes.

She nearly fell over and said “but that’s faster than I swim it!!!”

I’m assuming she was shocked that:
A. A person who isn’t stick thin can be sporty
B. a person in their 40’s could our swim someone her age (20’s).

I was a bit pissed off and asked her why she was so surprised? Then she went bright red and mumbled that I didn’t look like a typical swimmer and then continued on with the sale.

I think it’s a pretty shitty attitude and am considering complaining about her lack of professionalism. AIBU?

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 10/02/2019 09:43

You made it clear that what she said was inappropriate and she was clearly embarrassed.

Given that you've made your point and she's learned from it, what do you feel you would achieve by making a complaint?

Squills · 10/02/2019 09:46

I think that the assistant was rude.

People here saying she’s young so its OK is odd. Presumably the shop doesn’t employ children, so she should have been perfectly capable of acting professionally.

I’d write an email to explain what happened. The assistant wouldn’t loose her job over something like this but hopefully would get a bit of much needed training.

dayswithaY · 10/02/2019 09:47

The flip side of this is customers usually say things equally clunky to staff. I work in retail and I've had some clangers dropped in my direction. Talking to one customer, who said she was a teacher. Mentioned our kids etc and when I told her which university my daughter attends her mouth literally dropped open. "So, is your husband clever?" she asked. I'm guessing she took one look at me - blonde, chatty, shop assistant and drew her own conclusions. I wasn't offended as it reflected far more on her than me. She actually walked away still looking puzzled. I must have made her day. 😁 People say stupid things, don't worry about it.

Teateaandmoretea · 10/02/2019 09:51

I'd let it go too - there is no evidence for me that she was deliberately being unpleasant which is the barrier for complaint imo. We've all said twatty things - she was clearly embarrassed so presumably will learn from it Smile

Birdsgottafly · 10/02/2019 09:53

"I think most would be surprised or your ability given the description"

Yet if you look at events that take strength and stamina, strongmen competitions, shot putting, cold water swimmers. Those taking part look on the fatter end of the population.

As someone working in a sports product shop, she should know that.

A lot of Women take up cold water swimming to help with Menopausal symptoms, there's groups you can join.

But the point is that no-one should be put off exercise, at any age or size.

Swimming is great for getting over injuries. Many people who get bone/spinal injuries become obese.

I am never surprised by people's stupidity and what comes out of their mouths. Its a shame, but what can you do? People in good jobs can still be as thick as mince.

YouBumder · 10/02/2019 09:54

Rude. I couldn’t be arsed complaining though.

Teateaandmoretea · 10/02/2019 09:54

Yet if you look at events that take strength and stamina, strongmen competitions, shot putting, cold water swimmers. Those taking part look on the fatter end of the population.

Exactly this, I'd be more surprised at a little slip of a thing taking part Confused

CMOTDibbler · 10/02/2019 10:15

Most of the cold water swimmers (not triathletes) I know have a bit more body fat as you need it. For body positivity in a sports magazine, Outdoor Swimmer can't be beaten!

AzureApps · 10/02/2019 10:25

Seriously everyone is bloody offended so easily these days. OP take it as a complement that you can swim faster than a 20 year old and crack on with life.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/02/2019 10:29

"told a paying customer she “didn’t look like a swimmer” ??"

But you've said yourself that you don't look like the typical swimmer.

LadyRochfordsIcedGusset · 10/02/2019 10:31

*I'm 40, all my tattoos are covered in work so I think people see me as boring and mumsy
*
Eh? You've lost me there, look around any high street, tats are now very middle-aged and mainstream.

But re Op, I'm with PPs that said you made your point and probably made her think, I'd leave it there.

I congratulated a boss once in my early twenties on her (to me) obvious pregnancy 🤦🏻‍♀️, never again will I offer congrats until they mention it or the baby is quite literally in front of me.

Nomdejeur · 10/02/2019 10:45

ladyrochford well you may think they are middle-aged (whatever that means) and mainstream but they’re not quite there yet. Otherwise why would so many businesses want them to be covered up?

TheGoddessFrigg · 10/02/2019 10:51

take it as a complement that you can swim faster than a 20 year old and crack on with life

Exactly. I would have walked away so smug Smile

LadyRochfordsIcedGusset · 10/02/2019 10:51

Look up 'middle-aged' if you like. I'm sure it's in the dictionary somewhere.

Looking professional for interviews/work is a separate thing to something being a widespread trend. You wouldn't turn up to an interview in inappropriate clothing no matter how good you thought it looked on you on Friday night either. It's about context.

bluegreygreen · 10/02/2019 11:02

Conversation was fine up until her reaction to your time - anyone who works in a sports place will have experience of customers with inflated ideas of their own ability, and will need to be able to assess this and point them in different (safer) directions.

Her reaction to your time and the rest of the conversation was rude. However, she was clearly embarrassed about it, so is likely to remember and change her attitude - do you really need to complain as well?

Kazzyhoward · 10/02/2019 11:04

Most obese people aren't incredible swimmers.

"Most" slim fit people aren't "incredible" swimmers either. It's thoughtless and judgmental, nothing more, nothing less.

InfiniteCurve · 10/02/2019 11:08

When I cycled more,I told a counsellor (truthfully) that I didn't like cycling as a family because I was significantly faster than all of them.Including DS who was maybe 16? She didn't believe me and said so though not in so many words - it was true,I was a keen cyclist and DS spent his free time lying on the sofa.
She saw " small slightly overweight middle aged woman" and ranged me up against 'teenage boy" and assumed that because I didn't look like a cyclist I was deluded.
Bad practice but hopefully she will think twice about issues like that in future,and so will OPs assistant.If she hadn't appreciated the danger of making assumptions before, she does now.

Scarydinosaurs · 10/02/2019 11:13

It was a stupid thing to say, people say stupid things.

I imagine you’ve taught her a good lesson in making assumptions.

bruffin · 10/02/2019 11:15

Im a not stick thin swimmer aged 56 and done a 5k indoors although nit quick
I would take it as a compliment
I would expect a younger person to be quicker than me

Butchyrestingface · 10/02/2019 11:16

She saw " small slightly overweight middle aged woman" and ranged me up against 'teenage boy" and assumed that because I didn't look like a cyclist I was deluded.
Bad practice but hopefully she will think twice about issues like that in future,and so will OPs assistant.If she hadn't appreciated the danger of making assumptions before, she does now.

What your counsellor did was far worse than the OP's situation, Imo.

Nomdejeur · 10/02/2019 11:17

ladyrochford I just don’t understand what you mean in context to tattoos. Tattoos are middle-aged? Or middle-aged people have tattoos? Confused I don’t really think tattoos have an age.

C8H10N4O2 · 10/02/2019 11:17

Why are PPs assuming the OP is overweight? She hasn't said so and you don't know how tall she is or what shape frame she has.

She could easily be tall and that size in the normal range.

I'm surprised at how many people think its perfectly good customer service to make negative judgements on a customer based on prejudices about shape and age. I wouldn't be surprised if age was the bigger factor here.

Would you feel equally happy about negative assumptions made about someone on grounds of race or disability?

Its perfectly normal to ask about the usage of sportswear to ensure the correct item. Its bloody rude to tell someone they don't look capable of the activity. She needs some training, there is nothing wrong with highlighting a training gap.

DisrespectfulAdultFemale · 10/02/2019 11:18

Good grief. You are shocked and want to complain? Best to chalk it up to experience and move on.

bruffin · 10/02/2019 11:20

Op is a short 14/16 so will probably be overweight but muscular as well

namechanger2019 · 10/02/2019 11:20

I understand why it got your back up. I am an astrophysicist and I get "but you don't seem the type who could do that!" all the time. I do find it a bit insulting. I have a cockney accent and am a women, so I assume they don't think it a profession a working-class woman would do. But, maybe I am just being super sensitive.