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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Horrible vile teenage son 14

89 replies

ShelleyMae · 09/02/2019 19:03

Does anyone else have a revolting teen?

I’m starting to think he has some kind of personality disorder - pushing and shoving, shouting, swearing.

Taking his phone off him just makes him worse 😡

OP posts:
Original poster
ShelleyMae · 09/02/2019 19:05

Sorry he’s 13 not 14 but has been horrid for years

OP posts:
Original poster
ShelleyMae · 09/02/2019 19:05

I’m sorry I’ve posted this in the wrong section

OP posts:
Runyoucleverboyandremember11 · 09/02/2019 19:06

Offering a hand to hold. I've been there. He's 18 now and a lot better. FlowersWine

Original poster
ShelleyMae · 09/02/2019 19:08

Thanks run - feeling really low, he just pushed me over because he thought I was eaves dropping - I had a tray with plates on all smashed 😳

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 09/02/2019 19:10

Fucking hell. Is there anything you can take that’ll really piss him off? Refuse to do a scrap for him, remove all x box type stuff, phone, certainly no money. What a nasty thing for him to do!

JiltedJohnsJulie · 09/02/2019 19:11

That's awful Shelley. Offering you a virtual hug.

Fabaunt · 09/02/2019 19:11

I’d be getting a family liaison police officer to speak to him/scare him. If he assaulted anyone else like that he’d be arrested

Thesuzle · 09/02/2019 19:12

Hello OP
May I ask where his dad is in all this. Or are you a single parent..
if so he needs some decent male role models.. also check what he’s seeing online.. my friend went through similar with her boy and he was up all night war games etc
Or is he being bullied at school and you are getting the back lash at home
Good luck and hugs

Heronymous · 09/02/2019 19:12

That’s not normal behaviour OP - that’s really shocking.

If taking his phone makes him worse it means it’s the right sanction - it obviously hurts. You need to follow through on it and make him earn it back with good behaviour when you take it.

Nanny0gg · 09/02/2019 19:12

IMO that isn't normal teenage, will grow out of behaviour. That was violent. Is his father around? What sanctions have you tried? How is he at school generally?

BrilliantDarling · 09/02/2019 19:13

Sorry you are going through this Op Flowers

My brother went through a horrendous stage from when he was 14 but he did grow out of it and says he is completely ashamed of his past behaviour, he's lovely now!

YetAnotherUser · 09/02/2019 19:13

I've got a 12 year old who is pretty rotten to his little brother, most of my time is spent keeping them apart and saying "if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all"

PumpkinPie2016 · 09/02/2019 19:13

You mention he has been like this for years? It must be so difficult for you.

What is his behaviour like at school? Does he behave well there? What is his schoolwork like?

Do you have a husband/partner and if so, what is he like for them?

I wonder if he is some underlying issues? Can you speak to a GP?

Sorry, more questions than answers but depending on the answers to these questions there may be different things worth exploring.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 09/02/2019 19:15

He’s abusing you and you need to tell him the consequences of assaulting someone will be calling the police, regardless if your his mum.

CaseofEllen · 09/02/2019 19:19

Hi OP. Don't think this is normal teenage behaviour. Sounds like he is being violent to you.

When I was 15 I had an awful, awful temper and kicked in my parents kitchen cupboards. Police were called and it scared the shit out of me. I think you should do the same!

Original poster
ShelleyMae · 09/02/2019 19:19

Oh he’s terrible- he’s on a reduced time table in school as he’s so disruptive. He seems to have some kind of processing / learning disorder. He’s being assessed by Ed Psych.

I’ve tried everything from removing everything to talking and being nice.

He doesn’t seem to understand consequences- he is violent and smashes things up if I remove his stuff but even though I stick to it, his behaviour does not improve.

His dad is around but is in poor health so not able to help much.

He often assaults me. I called the police a few months ago, they spoke to him but he didn’t care. There’s no point in involving the police unless I press charges which I won’t as it may ruin future prospects.

He has a younger brother with autism who he seems to resent - it’s all a bit of s mess. I keep telling myself he’ll grow out of it, I don’t know what else to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShelleyMae · 09/02/2019 19:21

Thanks for kind words every one

OP posts:
GemmeFatale · 09/02/2019 19:23

You need to press charges. There are very few careers that will be ruined by a youth offence followed by reformed behaviour. If he gets to 18 and is still behaving this way someone else will press charges and that’s an adult offence that absolutely will follow him. Be cruel to be kind.

Pumpkintopf · 09/02/2019 19:24

Op can the school help at all with some behaviour management strategies whilst he's waiting for assessment? Could you adopt a joint approach to boundaries/sanctions with the school? If he's on a reduced timetable already due to disruption what's the plan for managing him?

Sorry you're having a tough time. This does sound like more than usual teenage-ness.

MenstruatorExtraordinaire · 09/02/2019 19:26

I don't know if you want to hear this but I have 3 boys and that is not normal behaviour in my opinion.

He's obviously lashing out because he feels angry about something possibly his dad being in poor health and possibly his brother with his issues as well. However it's terrible for you to have to deal with and you have my utmost sympathy.

Is male violence and you shouldn't have to put up with it.

Original poster
ShelleyMae · 09/02/2019 19:27

He’s currently running in the street trying to light bits of tissue with matches - definitely not normal

OP posts:
FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 09/02/2019 19:29

Sounds very difficult for you op. It really does sound like an underlying issue with DS. I would push for as many assessments as possible and as much help for you as possible. If you have a suspicion of what the issue is research it and look up intervention strategies you can try.

WrenNatsworthy · 09/02/2019 19:29

You need to press charges. There are very few careers that will be ruined by a youth offence followed by reformed behaviour.

I used to work for the Youth Offending Service and this is not true.
OP you do need to access some support though. Can you get in touch with your local community support officers to ask for some advice?

YogaWannabe · 09/02/2019 19:33

Oh OP Flowers
You poor thing, I don’t know what to suggest unfortunately as we haven’t reached that age here but you can’t live like that.

Solstice888 · 09/02/2019 19:35

Could be a personality disorder right enough. In which case, why haven't you taken him to a doctor? It would be a good place to start. You need to see about getting him seen by a professional therapist of some sort. Violence and fire starting aren't to be ignored. If he kills someone one day you would be entirely to blame if you suspected a personality disorder and did nothing. Get him to a proffessional asap.

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