Horrible vile teenage son 14

[ShelleyMae]

Does anyone else have a revolting teen?

I’m starting to think he has some kind of personality disorder - pushing and shoving, shouting, swearing.

Taking his phone off him just makes him worse 😡

So sorry OP you are going through this. I have a grandson 14 in April that sounds fairly similar. He wants to play on the X box all the time, won't get up and ready for school and is belligerent at times. School say he won't focus, tries to distract other kids etc. Like your son he's been difficult since about 4 years but of course once adolesence hits things get out of control and you are coping with a child with autism.

Things that get me on this thread is some of the suggestions and I wonder if they are on this planet - get him "committed or something" says one poster - she's talking nonsense as is the poster that says "put him into care"- I am a retired social worker/manager - 30 years in all and have seen many a teenage lad out of control and a few girls. Just out of interest where does the poster imagine he is going to be committed to....children can and do have mental illness but because resources are so scarce, it is highly unlikely there would be anything for a troubled 14 year old. Asking Children's Services - they too are totally under resourced and you'd have to be very insistent and then they'd probably put him in a children's home - a ridiculous idea (not just for the OP's son) but put a bout 10 teenagers with disturbed and disturbing behaviour and you can imagine what happens. As for see the GP - they would have no idea only refer to CAMHS. Sorry I can't remember if they've seen him but in my experience they are not a lot of good.

The thing is people "if it were me I'd do" etc think there IS somewhere for a troubled teenager - and there isn't really. Some LAs have a teenage project where foster carers take on difficult children and this can be very successful but I can't imagine how your son would react to this. On the other hand he can't be pushing you and the lighted paper is a worry.

Yes Manon has a point is the OP's boy on the spectrum (maybe AP) as his brother is autistic. Sorry to sound like there is nothing you could do.............in this day and age all public services are strugggling for funds as the tories have slashed all the budgets. Maybe contact children's services and ask for a meeting (don;t be surprised if they will do everything to keep him out of care) Tell them what's going on and ask for help.- they might have a meeting with you and your son to see for themselves how he behaves.

We're worried about our grandson and yes his parents have done the obvious things, remove the X box, phone and other electronic equipment but it just makes things worse. I'm just hoping he'll be ok at the end f teenage years. The thing that's good about your son OP is that he has a girlfriend and has shown a nurturing side of his personality so it shows it's there buried underneath the angst and anger.

OP, I'm so sorry, this must be awful for you.

It won't solve all your problems but do google therapeutic parenting (and there is also a good therapeutic parenting group on Facebook). It was originally developed to help adoptive and foster parents parent, but to my mind it's an approach that can help anyone -- I've found it very helpful indeed.

Thank you Catrina- it is so complex, what works for one child won’t necessarily work for another.

As parents we feel so disillusioned after trying all the usual punishments to no avail. It’s also so isolating- you sound like a lovely caring Grandma, just like my mum was.

You’re right about all resources being overstretched, but that’s only half the battle. The other problem even if there was help is to get him there in the first place- he just won’t engage with anyone. All he cares about is Xbox and his mates.

I generally am an optimist though and I believe he - just like your grandson need to find their ‘thing’. I hope one day he will find his ‘niche’ and something will just click- and hopefully everything will gradually fall into place and we can be a normal family (if there is such a thing!)

Mother of - Thank you, yes I will google therapeutic parenting. Anything’s worth a shot

He pushed you over? Think you need to come down on him like a ton of bricks. Remove every single item/device and make it clear you will not be bullied, swear at or assaulted by a child.

I'm so sorry op, that's horrendously difficult to handle and definitely not normal. It must be so distressing and debilitating for you. I don't have any constructive advice as I have no idea what I would do if my child behaved that way, but just wanted to give you a virtual hug and hoping that things will get better for your family soon.

Proactively visit the local pupil referral units /units for excluded pupils and see if there is a good one near....some counties have very good ones which will work to address behaviours.....

Handhold OP. Have been there. I'd speak to school, get Social Services involved, see if you can get some respite care at weekends, and would push for a CAMHS referral too, and get SS to support it. It's a nightmare, and I really, really, feel for you @ShelleyMae

Difficult one. Yes you need support, but if he won’t engage, it’s tough.
Can you get him into army cadets?

You, sounds like ASD/PDA to me. I have two ASD dds. It’s very common to have more than one ASD child. It’s s chalkenge to recognise it the second time around when autism ‘looks’ different in your next child (hope that makes sense). At every opportunity, mention assessment, especially if he gets excluded. You could get school to refer him as well as trying GP again. Perhaps film him if you are able, or keep a diary if behaviour?

My son is 16 he's been abusing me for yrs plus drug abuse social services an police did nothing he finally beat me up badly new yrs eve an moved out not heard from him since apparently he hates me an making allegations about me to the social to have my 8 yr old removed stupid thing is i now miss him so much hardest thing I think Iv been through so far so know how it feels 😢

I think troubled kids often use the x box as a means to escape and calm down; to self medicate if you like. I certainly think it’s better than smoking weed.

OP he sounds a very troubled boy, poorly Dad, brother with a diagnosis, struggling with school. I imagine you are his rock and his safe person to push against because he knows you won’t turn against him. It’s shit for you.

Would it be worth employing some ads type strategies to help him stay calm? What about school? Is there actually any point him being there? My DSis battled to keep her very bright asd son at school for years. Despite being very bright he ended up with virtually no qualifications. With the benefit of hindsight she should have let him stay at home and do some lessons online. Their lives would’ve been much calmer.