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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is the way we split bills fair?

88 replies

Inapickle230 · 08/02/2019 23:42

I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable, I don’t think I am but I could be.

So, my dp and I live together and the house is mine. He contributes £500 (about 1/3 of his wages) a month towards all the bills. This was fine before we had our DS but I’ve recently finished maternity leave and gone part time, I earn a lot less than I used to - about £700 a month. So now not only am I paying 100% of my wage into the house I’m expected to buy all his clothes, milk, activities and all the gear that comes with having a baby. I just feel like I have financially sacrificed a lot whereas my DP hasn’t. The house is in my name though so is it unreasonable to expect him to contribute more?

OP posts:
MeredithGrey1 · 09/02/2019 00:00

I’m expected to buy all his clothes, milk, activities and all the gear that comes with having a baby

I wouldn’t be happy with this at all. Are you saying he financially does not contribute to the baby at all? What justification does he have for not paying anything towards clothes etc for his own child??

Original poster
Inapickle230 · 09/02/2019 00:09

No he doesn’t buy him anything at all, I think he believes what he ‘gives me’ is enough. It was fine before I had DS but since then he hasn’t contributed a penny more. I have bought absolutely everything, down to his cot and curtains in his bedroom. I have no idea what the rest of his money goes on but I feel completely unsupported. When we planned to have a baby we agreed he would help out more, which hasn’t happened. I know it sounds dramatic but it’s seriously making me think about leaving the relationship.

OP posts:
JasperKarat · 09/02/2019 00:12

Have you told him that£500 isn't enough, you have extra expenses as a family and you are earning less, as the shortfall is X amount, so he will need to increase the amount he gives you to Y. He might just be clueless and think he's paying enough

TheSunnySide · 09/02/2019 00:13

No.

Sit down and work out what half the bills are and tell him to pay them.

Weenurse · 09/02/2019 00:14

Combined wages in together.
Then 60% is on mortgage, bills, food and general living.
20% into splurge for outings, hairdresser, hobbies etc. can spend $200 without consultation.
20% into savings for holidays, cars, new furniture etc.
This is how it works in our house.
Barefoot investor is the book we read.
Good luck

TBDO · 09/02/2019 00:14

When you say the house is in your name, do you own or rent?

If you own does your DP expect some equity from the house eventually?

Original poster
Inapickle230 · 09/02/2019 00:20

Well I have told him that I’m struggling for money and he told me he would help out more, that just hasn’t happened. I’ll have to ask again but it annoys me that I should ‘ask for money’ when it’s for our DS. I saved up when I was pregnant to be able to budget whereas nothing has changed for him at all. I recently bought an expensive item for him and he hasn’t offered anything towards it.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratcett · 09/02/2019 00:21

It's not about him 'helping' it's about him supporting his child.

MeredithGrey1 · 09/02/2019 00:21

No he doesn’t buy him anything at all, I think he believes what he ‘gives me’ is enough. It was fine before I had DS but since then he hasn’t contributed a penny more.

If the £500 was calculated fairly, by sitting down and looking at salaries, household expenses etc etc then it should change now, as the household expenses have gone up. If the £500 was sort of plucked from the air as a figure that sounded reasonable, then you need to sit down together and go over incomes and outgoings and work out together what is fair.

But honestly for me it would be such a red flag to have a partner who never thought of pitching in for pram/cot/baby clothes for his own child

Original poster
Inapickle230 · 09/02/2019 00:23

TBDO I own it, I think that’s possibly why he’s reluctant to help out more as he knows the equity is mine and if we ever split I would keep it. It’s just not the way I expected it to be.

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 09/02/2019 00:26

You've got a child? It really shouldn't be like this when you share a child and you can't share finances.

Original poster
Inapickle230 · 09/02/2019 00:27

Meredithgrey1 - that’s the problem. It’s more than the money now, it’s the fact that he views our baby as my financial responsibility. Not only have I sacrificed my earning potential I’m paying for everything. He shouldn’t need to be told.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 09/02/2019 00:28

The £500 needs to increase.. not on an ad hoc basis either.

MrsTerryPratcett · 09/02/2019 00:29

Does 1/3 of his wages go into the household, or 1/3 goes to bills and he also pays for groceries and so on?

Trying to work out what's fair.

Original poster
Inapickle230 · 09/02/2019 00:32

Mrsterrypratchett - 1/3 of his wages goes into my account. I then buy absolutely everything - the bills, food, car maintenance, house maintenance, pets and everything for ds.

OP posts:
R3bourn319 · 09/02/2019 00:37

Go back to work, pay into a work pension
Pay half the child care each
Pay half the bills each

Original poster
Inapickle230 · 09/02/2019 00:41

I am back at work and I do pay into a pension, just less than before - and I pay more than half of the bills. The problem really is that he shouldn’t need to be told/asked, he should want to buy things for our child and not want to see me struggle.

OP posts:
Mumstheword1987 · 09/02/2019 00:46

I think he needs to pay more to be realistic

My dp works 12 hour shifts all week on just the min wage he pays what ever is needed and I can also access the bank of his for funds at any time we have no set amount on splitting as such
I pay for the weekly food shop nappies milk and sometimes fuel for work for dp we just see it as a joint monies really

DishingOutDone · 09/02/2019 00:47

Just checking OP do you own the house outright or is the £500 he gives you meant to be a contribution to the mortgage too? And how long have you lived in the house/together?

MrsCatE · 09/02/2019 00:48

You better have a conversation soon. He may be reluctant to contribute to his child but I'm sure he'll be like a fly on shit poop claiming 'his' rights to your house.

Ashana · 09/02/2019 00:48

Now that you have a child you are well within your rights to ask him to increase his monthly payments. Point out to him how expensive babies are and that he needs to contribute towards it. If he was living in his own place he would be paying much more than £500 for rent and other bills. He needs to step up and contribute towards his child.

boomfloom · 09/02/2019 00:57

he’s reluctant to help out more as he knows the equity is mine

That's the cost of living somewhere. If he was renting from a private landlord, his rent would cover the landlord's mortgage. It isn't any different here. I'd rather the money stayed in the family so to speak. Even if you do split up, his child will still have a roof over their head.

Veterinari · 09/02/2019 00:58

There’s a new person in your relationship and you both need to contribute 50% towards that new person’s Upkeep. Draft out the expenses and sit down with yr DP and discuss exactly what he needs to contribute

Ashana · 09/02/2019 01:08

It doesn't matter who the equity belongs to, he needs to contribute towards his and now his child's upkeep. If you ask me has has it very cushy.....£500 a month for everything. He wouldn't get that anywhere else.

MrsTerryPratcett · 09/02/2019 01:13

So he pockets 1000 quid a month for him. Willing to bet that's more than your equity is increasing!

Time for a tank chat. No 'helping' bullshit. An actual, worked out contribution.