Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Is the way we split bills fair?

88 replies

Inapickle230 · 08/02/2019 23:42

I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable, I don’t think I am but I could be.

So, my dp and I live together and the house is mine. He contributes £500 (about 1/3 of his wages) a month towards all the bills. This was fine before we had our DS but I’ve recently finished maternity leave and gone part time, I earn a lot less than I used to - about £700 a month. So now not only am I paying 100% of my wage into the house I’m expected to buy all his clothes, milk, activities and all the gear that comes with having a baby. I just feel like I have financially sacrificed a lot whereas my DP hasn’t. The house is in my name though so is it unreasonable to expect him to contribute more?

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratcett · 09/02/2019 01:13

Frank not tank

julensaor · 09/02/2019 01:16

It sounds like he views, little baby as a 'pet' you chose to get. This is far from acceptable. He needs to man up, don't put up with it for a second, are you paying a mortgage or is the property yours?

Purpleartichoke · 09/02/2019 01:18

He needs to cover half of all child expenses and compensate you for reduced earnings during maternity leave and to the extent that you are taking the burden on your career by going part time to care for your shared child.

nettie434 · 09/02/2019 01:19

That's the cost of living somewhere. If he was renting from a private landlord, his rent would cover the landlord's mortgage.
Agree with boomfloom. £500 a month is a very good deal for rent, food and utilities, as Ashana says. To keep 2/3 for his own spending is unfair when you don’t have that luxury too.

Emma090 · 09/02/2019 01:40

What does he do with his spare £1000 a month !? My DH and I treat everything as joint income, have a budget, and then consult each other before we spend larger amounts on consumer goods / leisure.

Thequaffle · 09/02/2019 01:48

£500 for all of his “rent” and bills is an amazing deal...FOR HIM! He should pay you a fair contribution to the mortgage (he would be renting elsewhere wouldn’t he?) and every single other bill and cost of anything for DS is split 50:50 or a different proportion of one of you earns significantly more. Get a budget going.

Thequaffle · 09/02/2019 01:49

Oh and you’re talking a hit to your earnings by staying home and looking after the baby full time. He should compensate you for that too - alternative being you go back to work full time and childcare cost is split between you.
The bloody cheek of him!

spinabifidamom · 09/02/2019 01:54

Does he have a job or not? How much does he currently pay? In my family we contribute fifty percent each towards all seven of our children. Ask him if he can help out more. Remind him he needs to be a good influence for his child now.
My husband is the one who pays for childcare primarily because he works at home several days a week. We split up the other costs between us both. I keep a diary of finances. Each month I make a list of what comes in and goes out.
Who owns the house? If he does not want to do that, say that you are prepared to begin divorce proceedings immediately. This is about stepping up to the plate and taking responsibility. Nothing more nothing less.
Go back to work.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/02/2019 02:08

How did you arrive at the £500?

Eother sit on your principles of not having to tell him until you get so angry you kick him out OR tell him you need to sit down and talk money as you're earning less now in order that you both save on childcare costs.

Then work out the cost of all the household bills apart from the mortgage. He either pays half or a proportionate amount (so if he earns 1500 and you earn 750 he pays 2/3's)

Work out a fair contribution to the. Mortgage given he'll not benefit financially if you split or die. What would market rent be? I'd say that or half, whichever is less.

Then how much do you reckon the baby costs? Make an average guess for clothes and bits and pieces. He pays half.

Good shopping which is variable either work out an average or add it up each month and charge him half. Baby's milk and nappies and toiletries go in this.

If you are buying a large item tell him in advance - oh look, this is the cot in looking at l, you happy with £300? Can you transfer me £150 please.

Childcare costs also split.

If he argues about financially supporting his child you need to reconsider the relarionship

choli · 09/02/2019 02:24

Get a credit card specifically for baby-related expenditure and split the balance between you each month. In addition, tell him he needs to pay more into the house per month. He sounds like an 18 yr old paying "rent" to his mother.

Didn't you discuss this in any depth before deciding to have a baby?

Shoxfordian · 09/02/2019 06:14

Did he want the baby too? He absolutely should be paying towards the baby's needs but he should want to provide for his child. The fact he doesn't would be a huge issue for me.

FlagFish · 09/02/2019 06:22

You are definitely not being unreasonable, OP. I can’t understand how he can sit by and watch you struggle while he is saving loads of money each month.

Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 09/02/2019 06:31

He gives you the money which you put into your account and use to pay the bills. Have told him that what he pays no longer covers his share of the bills? If you haven't then YABU you can't expect him to know how much the bills ate if you haven't told him, if you have and he refuses to pay then YANBU.
Why are you buying him an expensive item then expecting him to contribute? It's either a present from you or leave him to buy his own expensive items

FlagFish · 09/02/2019 06:37

Only, I think the expensive item was for their DS?

LetBartletBeBartlet · 09/02/2019 06:41

Ignore any issues about perceptions of equity etc (as they are ridiculous).

What you are saying is that your dp thinks it costs absolutely nothing to have had a child.

To clothe, feed, get equipment for, cover in nappies, and cover any childcare costs.

He's offered nothing as if all of these things are free.

Is he incredibly thick?

Or just using this as a cover for being a twat?

Kisskiss · 09/02/2019 09:39

Why isn’t he paying half the cost of child upkeep??? It’s his child too right?
If we were going to look at this coldly: what’s typical rent for half of a property like yours? He should be contributing at least that.. PLUS half bills and defo half child raising costs.. tell him.

CloudyTuesday · 09/02/2019 09:45

Was he in agreement for you to go part time? Just wondering whether he feels any resentment about that decisions.

He may not realise how much a baby costs. He's probably convinced that child benefit covers it.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 09/02/2019 09:50

I’m not joking when I say this.
He is abusive and a terrible partner and father

The reduction in bills, the 25% discount in council tax will be equal to £500

In your shoes
I’d tell him to fuck off out of my house if that’s how he sees things.
Let him see what sort of shithole place he can rent for £500 with bills all in and I would go through CMS for your child

You will invariably be financially better off vs staying with this dickhead

Ashana · 09/02/2019 09:52

Maybe you should both open up a separate joint bank account for all household and child expenditure. You are both earning different amounts so each of you needs to put a certain percentage of your income into it. For example you could both put in 50% of your income each month. This will allow you to run your house and save separately as well.

I'm sorry but he seems very selfish and deluded. You need to sit him down and talk him through exactly how much things cost. Maybe as you have been handling it all up until now he really has no idea of how expensive things are.

JustHereForThePooStories · 09/02/2019 09:54

I think you’re mad to have gone part time in your situation. You’re sacrificing income, opportunity, and pension so that this man won’t have to contribute towards childcare.

Go back to working full time, and split the cost of childcare proportionally between you.

Ashana · 09/02/2019 10:02

I'm sorry but even students at university pay more then what he is currently giving you. I mean £500 for accommodation, bills and food??? And now he wants you to support the baby with that amount too? You need to talk to him and if he doesn't agree, you are better off without him. You will end up resenting him.

HeyCarrieAnneWhatsYourGame · 09/02/2019 10:05

Yeah, definitely not okay. Before we had kids I earnt more than my DH so I paid proportionally more into the house etc. As soon as I got pregnant we ditched our separate bank accounts, set up a joint one and all money became joint. You’re a family now- there shouldn’t be any “mine and his” now, it’s family money.

FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 09/02/2019 10:07

I take it you're not married and deliberately keeping separate assets. Of course DP should be contributing towards his own child, he should also be either doing half the childcare or contributing to half the cost of childcare (either in nursery fees or in your lost earnings).

Mabumssare · 09/02/2019 10:10

There have been a lot of posts like this and I am so surprised that married people don't just share all of there resources.

I would say put his name on the house as it is his home as well and then open a joint account where bith wages get paid into and all bills and spending comes out. If you want set up a savings account for the family and transfer a set amount in each month and If you want separate accounts agree on how much you each get say £200 a month and set up a standing order taking that out the joint account into the two separate accounts each month.

I could not live my life negotiating money with my partner all the time ! You are a family unit.

I also find it strange when people say they do these things for if they split in the future I find that quiet a sad outlook that many people think like this.

JustHereForThePooStories · 09/02/2019 10:42

There have been a lot of posts like this and I am so surprised that married people don't just share all of there resources

The OP has inferred that they’re not married.

I would say put his name on the house as it is his home

That’s awful advice. She can’t trust him when it comes to financially providing for their child to the extent that she’s considering ending the relationship. Why would she hand him half of her house that he hasn’t contributed to?

Flip

1 2 3 4