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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is the way we split bills fair?

88 replies

Inapickle230 · 08/02/2019 23:42

I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable, I don’t think I am but I could be.

So, my dp and I live together and the house is mine. He contributes £500 (about 1/3 of his wages) a month towards all the bills. This was fine before we had our DS but I’ve recently finished maternity leave and gone part time, I earn a lot less than I used to - about £700 a month. So now not only am I paying 100% of my wage into the house I’m expected to buy all his clothes, milk, activities and all the gear that comes with having a baby. I just feel like I have financially sacrificed a lot whereas my DP hasn’t. The house is in my name though so is it unreasonable to expect him to contribute more?

OP posts:

Delatron · 10/02/2019 17:54

I agree with you Graphista. Op is probably better going full time then insisting on everything, including childcare being split 50:50. She protects herself and her career as he clearly isn’t going to pull his weight financially.

Jaxhog · 10/02/2019 18:01

Wow! I would stop buying his clothes etc, and tell him you can only afford to buy for your DS now. You may own the house, but he's getting an absolute bargain.

The way we do our finances is to share out the bills so that we have roughly the same left over for 'personal' stuff. We review it each year. If one of us earns more or less, we adjust accordingly.

Original poster

Inapickle230 · 10/02/2019 21:28

Thank you for all your replies. I’m glad Ianbu. We agreed for me to go part time when we planned to have a baby and him contribute more but as that hasn’t happened I may have to go full time. I’m just fed up with the lack of help, and it’s not just financial it’s everything. I have a lot to think about.

OP posts:

user1473878824 · 10/02/2019 21:47

OP I haven’t RTFT but it’s not ridiculous that you’re thinking of leaving. Financially you might as well have a lodger!!

C0untDucku1a · 10/02/2019 22:03

Well it now sounds like there are far bigger issues with this guy. How long were you together before getting pregnant?

Thrown him out and cms his ass.

RomaineCalm · 10/02/2019 22:35

OP - it does sound as if you're being taken for a ride here.

I would work out what your finances would look like if it were just you and DC. Would you be much worse off?

And calculate a reasonable sum for DP to pay based on you both contributing to joint expenses. Have that conversation. If he objects that probably tells you what you need to know.

Mabumssare · 11/02/2019 09:12

Have you actually spoken to him about this ? You have said He should realise but obviously he doesn't (which makes him an idiot of course)

I wouldn't be sitting struggling and talking about going full time and or leaving him without first having sat down and calmly put your cards on the table

You can't support yourself and you DC on your own and you are struggling. You need him to contribute more and or completely change you family finance set up.

Delatron · 11/02/2019 09:35

OP said they had the conversation and he agree to pay more when she went part time. This hasn’t happened. The fact you’ve had this discussion and still he’s not coughing up is even worse!

PoppyFleur · 11/02/2019 10:18

Inapickle in an ideal world everyone would be taught money management and have an understanding about basic finance but sadly some people don’t have a clue and need to be told/educated. It sounds like your DP doesn’t have a clue, unless there is a back story I doubt his behaviour is malicious, just very thoughtless.

Presumably, since you’ve had a DC together you are viewing this relationship as long term? I understand wanting to protect equity so why not get your home valued, find out what your equity is and then ask a solicitor to draw up an agreement that you both sign which states that the x amount is yours in the event of a split. I can’t remember what it’s called but we had a solicitor do this for us when DP (now DH) moved in to my home. As for guidance on managing finances going forward, check out the money advice service, they have some excellent suggestions for cohabiting couples.

Please don’t let this fester, children change the dynamic of a relationship but if you are happy together it’s worth sitting down and sorting things out. You are a family now, it’s time he understands how a family unit operates, good luck.

AryaStarkWolf · 11/02/2019 10:22

Of course he should be paying towards his child. Is he stupid?

HeckyPeck · 11/02/2019 10:46

I wouldn’t charge a partner rent for a home I paid a mortgage for. If we had children together I’d be looking at buying somewhere together/adding them to the mortgage.

If I were you I’d add together all bills minus mortgage then each pay a proportion that relates to your income.

I.e if his earning are 60% or household income, he pays 60% of the bills (not including mortgage.)

If he doesn’t agree to that once he sees it all in black and white then I would ask him to leave.

Bignosenobum · 11/02/2019 11:27

£500 from 1500is not a lot. Unless he puts money away for holidays etc.. Add all the outgoings and then your saleries together work out what percentage. based on pay. So earnings 2200. He earns twice as much as you. If outgoings £1200 he pays £800 u pay£400. You need to sit him down to discuss.

Delatron · 11/02/2019 11:47

He’s not stupid though. He must know he hasn’t paid anything towards the upkeep of his child?

I think it goes deeper than being a bit thoughtless.

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