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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I unreasonable to tell him to shower?

103 replies

UserUser123 · 08/02/2019 21:57

9:48pm and I’ve just told my DP to go have a shower. He’s “worked” from home since Wednesday so sat all day on his laptop “working” then when 5pm comes, the laptop goes off and he retreats to the bedroom to play either his MacBook or Xbox. He hasn’t showered since Tuesday.

He did the same today and has just come in the living room saying he had finished playing the Xbox and it was “us” time now. I was a bit pussed off by this and told him he stank and to go get a wash. He just got up and left the living room, I don’t even think he’s went into the shower...I think he’s went back to the computer Confused

I do feel quite bad for being abrupt with him but he’s 37 years old so shouldn’t need to be “told” when to shower.

Was I unreasonable?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 09/02/2019 06:10

He sounds like a smelly manchild
Gross

finn1020 · 09/02/2019 06:22

That’s gross and I can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t shower at least once each day. But I do live in a hot climate so it’s the norm anyway.

JenniferJareau · 09/02/2019 06:30

Did he finally shower OP?

Ohnonotuagain · 09/02/2019 07:19

He sounds pretty rank tbh

Femaleassassin · 09/02/2019 08:14

I'm sure gaming is fine but it's linked to say many problems on mumsnet threads be it the kids or the partners.

Femaleassassin · 09/02/2019 08:14

*So many problems

QueenArseClangers · 09/02/2019 08:25

Does he also do 50% of the housework OP? I don’t think I’d be projecting if I guessed ‘no’...

YANBU. He’s totally disrespectful and a smelly fucker.

Lizzie48 · 09/02/2019 08:48

@RainbowMum11

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time right now. I'm suffering with MH issues myself (PTSD) and I know how isolating it can be. Thanks

But in the nicest possible way, I think you're projecting here. The OP's OH doesn't sound like he's depressed at all, just lazy and entitled. Trying to initiate sex without going for a shower first isn't the behaviour of a man who is depressed, it just sounds inconsiderate. (It would really gross me out.)

Allyballybeee · 09/02/2019 13:26

@Icouldbehappy

Do you usually come online to troll and correct peoples grammar at 1am on a Saturday morning? How sad 🤦🏽‍♀️

I’m from Glasgow and say “went” all the time. “He went to the shops” “She’s went to bed” “They went to school” Such statements may not be grammatically correct but, in the grand scheme of things, who really gives a shit except pedantic, Judgemental Judy’s like you?

I see this shite so much on Mumsnet, where someone is looking for advice or support and people like you come along with your unwanted, judgemental and snooty opinions. You’re pathetic, in my opinion.

BrilliantDarling · 09/02/2019 15:32

I really don't understand grammar police on here Hmm
Unless someone has asked you to proofread for them then just shut tf up, you aren't helping and you come across as a prick.

Sakura7 · 09/02/2019 15:50

YANBU. Three days is too long to go without showering. Especially when he's looking for sex.

Grammar nazis - get a fucking life and stop being so petty.

GabsAlot · 09/02/2019 18:09

i dont have a shower but when my hot water went last week i had to have a strip wash everyday i still felt gross

maybe i shold have gone to the gym

Icouldbehappy · 10/02/2019 05:48

Allyballybeee
No, I’m not in the habit of “trolling” as you call it. I’ve been here for several years and I’ve never “trolled” anyone. However, I will not stand by and accept that poor grammar is a Scottish thing.
Your examples of the use of “went” show that you have absolutely no understanding whatsoever of the past tense of the verb “to go”.
For your information:
I went, I have gone.
You went, you have gone
He/she/it went, he/she/it has gone
etc
Please do ask should you require further clarification. It’s 5.48am and I have consumed rather a lot of alcohol. However, I will never allow anything or anyone to affect my standards of grammar.
Location or otherwise Grin
P.S. I’m from Glasgow. And proud to be pedantic.
Wink

Icouldbehappy · 10/02/2019 05:51

And on behalf of all grammar police here; yes, it does matter. All the time.
Well, it does to those for whom grammar is important.

BitOutOfPractice · 10/02/2019 06:08

Give it a rest Icouldbehappy. You are coming across as a total knob.

Op I hope he's showered now.

Rezie · 10/02/2019 07:55

Ehm...is it really that crazy to not shower every day?Shock

But yes, if partner smells it's totally acceptable to point it out.

Iggly · 10/02/2019 08:09

To the grammar police:
Is that the only thing you’re good at, hence the need to point out errors all the time? Instead of focussing on the issue at hand = a stinky man child?

Language is fluid.

OP, it sounds rank. Hope he showered. I know a couple who don’t shower daily and they smell. Sometimes ever so slightly of wee, sometimes of that just got out of bed smell. They’re proud to be a bit “dirty”. Envy

Stormy76 · 10/02/2019 08:09

Ew that’s gross, ok if he wants to be a slob.....then slob away but don’t expect sex when you haven’t washed for best part of the week. I would tell mine if he stank to wash ......I was repelled out of the bed this morning by the stench wafting from him ......it smelt like he has shit the bed. I doubt he has as he is well known for his power farting abilities but it was making me gag. That can’t be helped ...we’ll cooking enchiladas last night might be the main cause lol..... he needs to not be a grit bag and get his stinky ass in the shower!

Nanny0gg · 10/02/2019 08:19

@Icouldbehappy

And on behalf of all grammar police here; yes, it does matter. All the time.
Well, it does to those for whom grammar is important.

Shame manners aren't equally so.
(PS. True pedants wouldn't start a sentence with 'and')

BitOutOfPractice · 10/02/2019 10:04

Nannyogg I think I could pick all sorts of holes in that statement from iCloud!

Icouldbehappy · 10/02/2019 11:28

It is perfectly acceptable to start a sentence with “and.” It’s for emphasis, NannyOgg and there is nothing wrong with my manners. And it’s P.S. if you want to be a true pedant Wink
BitOutOfPractice please, go ahead. Pick as many holes as you can; I’m all agog.
Iggly no, grammar is certainly not the only thing I’m good at. I’m good at many, many things.
I also happen to be very particular about personal hygiene and I certainly wouldn’t put up with a slob like the man in question.
As for language being fluid, yes it is, indeed. However, it will always be grammatically incorrect to say, “I’ve went.”
For all those remarking on my comments, my issue was with the statement that “I’ve went,” etc is a Scottish thing.
It emphatically is not.

LittleCandle · 10/02/2019 11:33

XH was a soap dodger. He was also a sweaty Betty to boot and didn't take kindly to being told to wash!

No longer my problem, thankfully, but he is currently staying with DD1 and his questionable hygiene is back in full force.

Nope, not unreasonable at all!

ginyogarepeat · 10/02/2019 11:46

Ugh. I could only imagine that would resemble being married to a teenage boy. That would be a massive issue for me, YADNBU.

PCohle · 10/02/2019 12:13

Shouldn't it be "etc." Icouldbehappy? You know, if we're going to be pedantic arseholes.

BitOutOfPractice · 10/02/2019 12:16

Shall I start with your semi colon?

You're still coming across as an arsehole by the way, just for the removal of doubt.

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