Why does the mother almost always get the blame?

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I don’t normally have much time for Katie Price, but she seems to be getting a very hard time for putting Harvey into residential care during school time.

None of us can know what he is like in real life, but he seems to have some very challenging additional needs, and she’s looked after him without any input from his father for years. Why are people haranguing and trolling her for making this decision when Dwight Yorke does absolutely fuck-all?

It’s more a rant than an AIBU really; whilst of course there are many men who do their share and more, it seems that so much of the expectation and criticism falls on women. “Babysitting”; “daddy daycare” - this attitude is so old-fashioned

She's made some questionable descisions in her life but she comes across as a decent parent.
Unless you've lived with a child that has violent meltdowns then no one has the right to judge. Currently my child's meltdowns aremanageable just about but I know other parents who've had to make the decision to put their child in residential care for everyone's safety.

I'm not a fan of hers

But It's always been obvious to me that she's a devoted mother to Harvey and has always done what she can to protect him while giving him a level of independence.

She's made some bad decisions in other areas of her life, including bad parenting decisions, but from what I've seen of her relationship with Harvey, she's done her utmost to give him the best life chances possible.

And I take my hat off to all parents who are caring for a child with additional needs. It must be an exhausting and difficult life, with little acknowledgment of the sacrifices made.

I remember when KP announced that she got DLA for Harvey and there was outrage.
She said on the programme that he had smashed 8 iPads in under a year. His value as a disabled child should not be determined by how much his mum is worth or her "fame" and he will be able to claim it in his own right when he turns 17 ( or his mum will as his guardian ) which is fair enough.

That is why I'm glad DLA is not means tested. I have read one of her books where she says that DW does pay for Harvey but it had to get quite nasty to get to that point.
He's missed out on his son's whole life. How sad.

A relative of mine had to move into residential care in early adulthood. His DM had done more parenting than is required to raise a child without SN, as a SW said, any other child would be moving on in their life now anyway. It was the best decision for all.

It doesn't take much imagination to see how any parent including KP would have difficulties balancing family life for all with Harvey's levels of special needs. Anyone attempting to criticise in this instance would be a total ignoramous.

She constantly uses her dcs for media attention. I feel sorry for her dcs. Also who was looking after her dcs that she cares so much about when she was taking cocaine on holiday. She's meant to be bankrupt but she had the money for drugs. She is exploiting a vulnerable disabled child. It's no one else's business what his needs are.

She was on TV yesterday (OK, so I admit I watched Loose Women for once... only cos I have the 'flu) saying that Harvey has started breaking windows and smashing TVs and iPads in frustration. He is so big and strong, her other kids are sometimes scared when he gets into these rages. It must be so difficult to deal with.
And she clearly adores him.
Why anyone would criticise her for making such a difficult decision is beyond me. Presumably these people have no experience of trying to cope with a similar situation.

I hope that Dwight Yorke is meeting Harvey's care costs. He's surely not short of a bob or two.

It makes me so angry the way anyone critical of the way a child is brought up seems to forget that children have 2 parents.

Agree. Where's Dwight in all this?

There are plenty of famous people who don't put their dcs in the media.

It's very easy to judge when it's not you that has a disabled child.

She's done well to care for him as long as she has.

My son is 2 and is severely disabled. If when he's older I feel I can't cope I will put him in care and anyone that thinks that is wrong can go f themselves. It's not like anyone's going to give me an award for caring for him, and caring for a fully grown male is a completly different ball game to caring for a little boy.

Plenty of children attend residential school. Many of them are judged on the internet (unfairly imo)

She just happens to be a famous parent.

Totally agree with you that the father is as responsible and it's unfair she gets all the haranguing.

But tbh I think it's unfair anyone gets hounded for making a decision based on what's best for everyone involved - including the child.

I was unaware of backlash, too. I found KP talking with her son about his loss of temper and how difficult they found it living together, the events that led to one of his meltdowns, quite candid & refreshing. He agreed with her that the situation wasn't good or working well for anyone. Guess that was on R5, earlier this week?

I don't blame other people, either, who have put their 16yos (NT ones even) into some kind of foster care just to get respite from a difficult relationship.

YANBU. Of course she's thinking of residential care. He has some very challenging behaviour which would be incredibly difficult if not impossible to manage safely on her own. People are being ridiculous to question her decision.

There are so many other things people could call KP out on
I don't think Harvey is one of them

I think it's quite sad how obviously unhappy she is, the plastic surgery, the revolving door of men, the cocaine etc. Etc. She's not a happy person and the media is her income but also not her friend anymore. I really hope she finds a way to be happy. And I hope Harvey is in the best place he can be, whether that be in some kind of respite care or supported living or at home with his Mum.

I don't think she sets the standard for parenting, drugs, alcohol, introducing men to get children too quickly, poor financial decision making, who has been looking after him for the past year when she's been on multiple holidays, in the priory and out partying to the extent the fathers of the other children had them in their care.

However I don't think her decision around Harvey's care is a bad one. He has very particular needs and is a large lad which must be difficult to deal with when he loses his temper. I know over the years her mum has been his carer and is now too sick to do it anymore, he will be safe, well looked after and prioritised and home at the weekends, so no different from weekday boarders, but getting specialist care and support. It's the right thing for him.

Dwight Yorke is a cunt

I actually really feel for her for the first time ever today.

I can't help but wonder if the pressure of having a child with such complex needs has been the fuel for some of her bad decisions over the years.

Some will say she has violated Harvey's privacy and whilst that's true, she's also opened a dialogue regarding SN kids and if it helps just one ordinary mum then she's done a good job.

Can't argue with that point ^

Dwight Yorke is a cunt

Won't argue with that one either ^

Dwight Yorke is a huge great thundering mega-cunt. He has two children, one of whom is disabled and he doesn’t see them, has done fuck all to support them (despite KP regularly begging him to see his son.

I think the OP is right, if a mother walked out on her disabled child because she wanted to party and shag about without a baby cramping her style - she’d be crucified.

KP is the only one of Harvey’s parents whose stood by him and loved him and looked after him when his Dad couldn’t be bothered.

Caring for children or adults is fucking hard and relentless and a lot of people wouldn’t have lasted as long as KP did yes I’m looking at you Yorke and Andre

Backlash on her ignores the men’s role completely.

If she is struggling to cope even with the support of her family, where is the Dad and the man who claimed he loved him like a son? Where are their families? If it’s such a terrible thing to do, how come it hasn’t motivated those people to step up.

I know KP is a complete arse and brings most of her problems on herself, but it’s Harvey they’re abandoning, not her.

Whenever KP talks about her children she lights up.

I think she is doing her best as a mum, like we all do.

Questionable decisions about men? Most of us made them at some point! But perhaps she needs some help on self esteem as she keeps dating people who cheat on her.

Nobody but the family know what the situation is. How hard it is or how it impacts the other children. Asking for additional help and having him in residential care seems like a perfectly sound and rational decision.
I would absolutely not judge her on that (and by and large I think she has a tendency to make terrible decisions).
Dwight Yorke should be thoroughly ashamed for not taking care of his child.

What of the kids at Eton? They are residential... but somehow that is ok?

Anyway...a structured setting with staff who are rested often young and enthusiastic ....can really be fantastic and best Option compared to a frazzled parent with other issues/ responsibilities.
From H point of view it is likely the best option.
Also.as he gets older why should he not move away from home as any other young adult? Experience college etc.
She should not feel.guilty.

Where is the criticism KP is allegedly getting - I've seen nothingness no but praise and sympathy ?

I sent my DD to residential school aged 12 for her benefit, not mine. KP probably is having issues managing adult-sized meltdowns but she may also be sending him because it is better for him.

Residential schools can offer activities and 24 hour support that parents often don't have the capacity to provide.

I wouldn't judge any parent who placed their child in specialist residential school. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make and turned out to be one of the best too.

Yanbu at all, Harvey towirs over her tiny frame, if he is in a full blown meltdown, how can she deal with it, and protect her other vulnerable children, she can't ! For her and her children's safety, he has to go into residential care. Those who judge, can have Harvey for they day and see how they cope.