To ration milk or not to ration milk

[babycatcher411]

That is the question!

Seeking advice here, as much as whether IABU.

Today at the dinner table it came to head that DP thinks DS drinks way too much milk. He thinks it’s unreasonable and isn’t a cost we should accommodate. He thinks I need to make DS drink something else.

This has mainly come up in discussion because the last 2 food shop periods (we do a big shop every 2 weeks) I’ve had to do a couple of topups of milk mid way.

Usually we buy 3 4pinters, for 2 adults and 1 child (11). Mostly this lasts almost the 2 weeks, sometimes I will buy an extra 4pinter towards the end.

I did point out that I have recently been drinking more milk, because of heartburn (36/40 pregnant) and have started having cereal at breakfast so we are going through it more quickly than we used to.
DP is adamant it’s down to DS consumption, that I should be stricter, that he was told off (and rightly so!!) as a child for drinking too much milk. I said I’m not rationing milk.

I can’t actually seem to find on google how much milk an 11 year old should drink.
I would say normally DS has milk with cereals (maybe 300mls), and a glass of milk in the evening (probably another 300mls). Sometimes he’ll have an extra glass but this is not every day, just as he feels like it.
Is this too much milk?

id love to still be how I was as a kid.that appealing cold glas of milk would be so good sometimes I often think.

I can’t understand how he knows how much milk is consumed.
Don’t most people just get it when they need it ?
That said, I’d keep a close eye on him, potentially a knobber of epic proportions.
Good luck op.

Your DP needs to realise too that soon (if not already) your DS will need to be eating much bigger eg adult size portions of everything, not just a lot of milk! I certainly notice the difference now with DSD. And that's as it should be - they need the calories to grow. DSD is a slender girl, but I serve up the same portion size as me mostly and we have some extra snacks eg cheese on crackers).

Why don't you buy it in the 6 pints bottle though- less plastic.

I agree you should ration it, tell your DP he can't have milk anymore!

He's a growing boy, his bones need the calcium! And milk is full of other nutrients like vitamin B12 and iodine that are very important. So much better than drinking squash and coke etc.

It's the calcium content of the food to start with and the absorption rate that results in more absorbable calcium from a glass of milk than if you get it from vegetables i.e you'd have to have significantly bigger portions.

I would be worried if my son was being denied something so insignificant by his Step Dad figure.

Gardai, I would definitely know in our house as I don't tend to pop to the shops at all during the week, so if I see that we're getting through more milk than I'm buying, I'll make a note to get more in the following week. Maybe OP is the same?

I was going to ask if he is dp’s son but someone got there first.

No one would ever have this attitude to their own dc.

Is he emotionally abusive to your ds in any other ways?

I actually had to read the OP three times before I understood what the issue was simply because it was incredulous that a parent would begrudge their growing child milk. Wow!

He's an arsehole.

Whenever we have a disagreement about something to do with DS, it always boils down to his opinion being based on what he was/wasn’t allowed, or did/didn’t do as a child, and thus I am wrong in my thinking.

He’s never taken issue with the cost of anything else, and will happily spend the money on goodies if they’re having a ‘boys’ night (movie when I’m late from work) together, whereas I would be saying that the money didn’t need spending on the goodies, so it just seemed odd that he could resent spending money on milk of all things.

You're talking about less than a fiver. It's not even worth discussing. It's not like he's drinking hundreds of pints, and it's much better and cheaper than juice.

We go through a 6 Pinter of milk every 4 days. 2 adults, 2 children.

4 lots of cereal, kids have cups of milk, I have a pint each evening as I have horrendous heartburn this pregnancy.

Your DH sounds like an I'll informed knobber.

Who doesn't understand the benefits of milk, normal consumption nor what growing children need.

Tell your DH to go see a therapist to sort out his childhood memories. Tell him you are not going to let him foist leftover dysfunction from his family of origin on your family.

He also needs to commit to reading helpful books on normal child and teen behaviour and development.
The problem you have with him disputing what is normal is only going to get worse as your DS turns into a teenager. I suspect battles over food and beverages will loom large as that teen appetite kicks in. This will not be solely related to food and beverage consumption however - I suspect the stepfather thing is a large part of this.

How long has this man been stepfather to your DS?

Some of what you are reporting comes across as controlling and there is also imo some hostility toward your DS.

I was going to ask if this was his DS or yours.

Some bells are ringing.

In short, I don't think this is about milk or the cost of milk.

Sorry to serial post, but there is also an element of muscling in on your turf here, undermining you as a parent, and trying to create a wedge between you and your DS.

I'm interested that only 2 PPs raised the issue of milk in our diets and whether it's appropriate/unnecessary.

We go through about 8 pints a week as a family of four, but it's noones main drink.

I keep thinking- cows milk is for baby cows? No? Why are we all so obsessed with it being a fundamental part of a "growing child's " diet?

It just isn't, is it? It's not meant for us...

Aren't we the only animal that consumes another's milk?

Ps, I'm clearly not well informed on this just find it interesting that people are guzzling astonishing amounts (according to this thread) of breast milk meant for calves...

Does he think his parents are never wrong or they just couldn't afford milk?

16 pints a week here...

There’s only me and 12yo ds and we get through at least four litres a week! Ds loves milk both cold and hot, plus we have it on cereal (weetabix uses an astonishing amount!). I would never restrict him drinking it as there’s far worse things he could be having.

Milk was restricted in my house when I was small. I get a bit twitchy at ds helping himself to milk as it was really naughty in our house. But I let him unless there will not be enough for his cereal in the morning.

"Whenever we have a disagreement about something to do with DS, it always boils down to his opinion being based on what he was/wasn’t allowed, or did/didn’t do as a child, and thus I am wrong in my thinking" he shouldn't ever be starting from a point of you're wrong.

You've raised your DS not him, your child, your opinion should be the priority and work from there.

"but there is also an element of muscling in on your turf here, undermining you as a parent, and trying to create a wedge between you and your DS." Totally agree. Even the "nice" stuff is done in an undermining way.

Not only will the teen appetite prove tension causing there's also the term temper/tantrum side. I cannot imagine this guy handling that well at all.

I strongly recommend his attitude to and treatment of your son be addressed ASAP BEFORE

baby comes
teen appetite increase (and I agree with pp it's astonishing what they need, my v slim dd eats twice what I do at least and I'm a fatty!)
tensions over new baby
sleep deprivation
sibling rivalry
teen emotions etc come into play.

This is an emotional family eruption waiting to happen at precisely the wrong time!

He’s going to need to get used to food costs rising. Ds is recently 12 and is now eating us out of house and home - and yes he drinks milk too. He eats LOADS and luckily it’s healthy mostly but it costs money and seems excessive if you don’t view it in the context that he is growing and playing sport 6 days out of 7.

Another one who knew the DS would not be the DH's biological child.

OP, there will be many things that went on in your DH's childhood home that he wouldn't dream of re-enacting on a daily basis. I presume she uses modern technology life mobile phones? Available himself of modern medicine? Why is he so hung up about food, such that he wants to impose the arbitrary standards of 30/40 years (ish?) ago?

I also knew there would be posters weighing in about dairy being bad for you/unnecessary. It seems to be the food du jour for the restricters to moralise over. It's utter bollocks. Milk is a great source of nutrition for a growing child. Getting adequate calcium purely from leafy green vegetables would involve eating about 16 portions per day. Totally unrealistic.

Stick to your guns and ensure DS can continue to drink his milk.

I bought four pints last Thursday evening and a litre of oatly it was gone by Monday, just me and DH, baby is too little for cow's milk. We're both eating cereal or porridge most mornings at the moment as it's been cold and more hot/milky drinks than usual. We always get through at least four or five pints a week, lately that's closer to eight