To ration milk or not to ration milk

[babycatcher411]

That is the question!

Seeking advice here, as much as whether IABU.

Today at the dinner table it came to head that DP thinks DS drinks way too much milk. He thinks it’s unreasonable and isn’t a cost we should accommodate. He thinks I need to make DS drink something else.

This has mainly come up in discussion because the last 2 food shop periods (we do a big shop every 2 weeks) I’ve had to do a couple of topups of milk mid way.

Usually we buy 3 4pinters, for 2 adults and 1 child (11). Mostly this lasts almost the 2 weeks, sometimes I will buy an extra 4pinter towards the end.

I did point out that I have recently been drinking more milk, because of heartburn (36/40 pregnant) and have started having cereal at breakfast so we are going through it more quickly than we used to.
DP is adamant it’s down to DS consumption, that I should be stricter, that he was told off (and rightly so!!) as a child for drinking too much milk. I said I’m not rationing milk.

I can’t actually seem to find on google how much milk an 11 year old should drink.
I would say normally DS has milk with cereals (maybe 300mls), and a glass of milk in the evening (probably another 300mls). Sometimes he’ll have an extra glass but this is not every day, just as he feels like it.
Is this too much milk?

How long have you been together? As is often the case on mn I suspect this will turn out to be a much deeper problem. I suspect he resents your son op. He resents "paying for him".

Or outside of bizarro mumsnet extrapolation land, your DP has got a weird thing about milk from his own DM when he was a child (as he's already alluded to). Tell him he's being an idiot, milk consumption isn't something that needs to be policed, and everyone can get on with their lives.

FiveRedBricks

ODFOD. The preceding Labour Government cut off milk to secondary schools and Thatcher only extended it to primary schools. Because it was milk that was dumped in playgrounds at 6am and not served up to kids til noon: ice-cold in the winter and curdled in the summer. A waste of time money and everything, under the vista of civil servants.

Its sounds like a lot of milk to be...we get through 4pts a weeks, there are 2 adults and a 4 yo.
The health benefits of milk are overrated, it’s fatty, full of chemicals, I’m not a vegan but dairy farming is one of the most inhuman practises so I really try to have the bare minimum. My ds has some on his cereal that’s it. He also eats yogurts for calcium.
There is no need for an 11yo to be drinking glasses of milk, the milk portion in his cereal would meet his daily calcium intake needs. Plus green veg is actually a better source of calcium then milk anyway.

For those wondering about how milk lasts two weeks, Cravendale easily lasts that long. I get it because I don't like milk and can't drink it, and a litre can easily last me a couple of weeks unless I have cooked something that uses a lot of milk.

I thought this was going to be about a one year old who was still having a bottle twice a day and it impacting on his appetite!

But no problem with a pre-teen drinking milk in those quantities. We (2 adults, 2 dc) get through over 8 pints per week.

milk used to be our drink of choice and we drank way more than ur ds is doing!
later in life hen one contract brittle bone the doc said it was the previous years milk that saved her.
I don't know how you drink so little milk in your household in the first place.that wouldn't last us a week.
milk is so good for him.please don't let his dad make him create a thing agasint it.you should be encouraging your ds with drinking milk

There's only two adults here and we get through 12-16 pints a week.
That's mostly just in tea and on cereal.
I drink about half a mug before bed to settle my stomach. It's a tiny amount but adds up to about 3 pints over 7 days.
DH doesn't drink it plain at all and neither of us drowns our cereal either.

Maybe your DH doesn't realise how quickly a bit here and there soon adds up to a massive looking 4 pint carton being gone. It looks like a lot in the carton but it's no more than in a 2 litre bottle of coke/pepsi and how quick can one of those disappear on pizza night if 3 people have a glass.

I hope it's that and not that he resents his stepchild having a glass of milk because that would be very bad and may signify your son's life could get shitty really fast after your partners baby is born.

hang on a minute didn't children get extra milk rations- just checked they also had daily milk at school on top (third of pint a day - a pint is 568 ml so about 180 or a glassful)

DS2 is 12 and drinks at least a pint of milk a day. He’s never stopped having morning milk and bedtime milk since he was a baby! Much healthier than my DH who gets through 2 litres of Pepsi Max a day

it’s unreasonable and isn’t a cost we should accommodate

Better than coke or Fanta. Does DP drink beer? Wine? if so why is it ok for him to drink what he likes but not DS?
Don’t ration the milk.

I agree this is about more than milk.

But I am gobsmacked at the amount of milk some peopl drink.

We are a family of 5 and get through less than 2 litres a week.

My kids have never drunk milk.

Buy a cow and see how much that costs to feed

A portion is 200ml so ds should be having 3 glasses/portions a day, though less if he also eats cheese or yogurts. Does sound a lot but we aren't a milk drinking family, I buy it for DD's tea and often tip it down the sink. (Not sure how people eat cereal???)

i knew he was going to not be bio father of the DS...

We are family of 5. One dairy free, DH has black coffee and doesn't eat milk in porridge or have it in much of anything barring lasagne/ cheese sauces?

I imagine the 3 of us get through maybe 20 pints a week. The dc's have a glass of milk in the morning, often have cereal or porridge and have a glass before bed. Occasionally they'll have a hot choc.

DD would drink milk over anything else and often pours herself a glass when she gets in from school.

I don't think it's "weirdo extrapolating" when the op themselves have said there's been other issues and the reason the man objects is due to cost (even though it's cheap and he probably has no idea what it costs!)

My life experience and reading many similar threads on here has taught me that such comments/actions do usually have at heart a resentment of a child that isn't biologically theirs.

And it's not uncommon for such issues to flare when a biological child is imminent/born.

Again we see it all the time on here.

I can't imagine having this conversation. Run out of milk, buy some more. What can possibly be the problem?

Does he maybe think your kid is chubby or properly overweight?

If there's no chance of that he's just being an arse.

How depressing.

This is so sad. @graphista called it.
Not his son biologically. Control and pettiness. I would have no choice but to nail DP on the head in this scenario. With a nail gun.

From a medical/diet point of view - milk is really good for your DS and the amount you describe is completely normal.

I have to say if your DH mentioned this to me and DP (Doctor) we would be raising eyebrows at each other and expressing concern over ‘what happens being closed doors’ in your home!

This is a very odd, and specific, thing for your DH to be so zoned in on. Is he usually this controlling and pedantic?

I’m sorry but It would flag up a potential welfare issue to me- I’d be a little wary of your DH as this kind of ‘intensity’ over something so trivial is generally representative of underlying issues.

I’m sorry you and your son are living like that! 🤔

What is your DP’s alternative suggestion then?? I have a 10 YO and I’m practically bribing her to drink milk, I’d much prefer her to drink milk to anything like pop or squash. I would be pleased he’s still drinking milk tbh - and the cost is negligible.
I’m not surprised you said he’s not her bio dad. It’s a very odd attitude to take to a child 😐

so hat if you formala feed.will he be restricting this for cost the too yes?

Aside from the other issues,it's really easy to go through loads of milk. We're a house hold of 2 adults and toddler and part time 11yo (DSD with us weekends) and I buy 2 6pinters of full cream and either a 1 or 2 pint of skimmed for DSD. That doesn't include any DP or I have at work or the beaker I bring from work to nursery pick up! DP and I recently switched back to normal milk after years of drinking soya and it's much cheaper.