AIBU to be upset with DH?

[SSDGM]

I'm (supposed) to be going to Oz at the weekend. my DH has a few nights work there on a cruise ship so we are extending the trip beforehand. I couldnt get on the same flight as him so I will be travelling there alone.
Because we will be on a ship we need a specific add on to the usual Electronic visa which has to be applied for first. On monday I was working away from home so I asked him to complete my part of the visa as I am considered his companion. His came back as approved straight away but mine didnt. Turns out he ballsed it up. Under the section specifically asking if I've been known as any other names including before marriage he said no. He also said I was unemployed because he "couldnt remember" what my job title was and who I worked for. All info that needs to match when I finally apply for my ETA.
3 days later its still not approved and I fly on on Sunday.
Apparently is is my fault for asking him to do it because he's "not good at forms" (he managed to do his own) and I'm U because I'm worried that I now wont be able to go and I'm angry with him. He also says its his employers fault as they didnt tell us until Monday to get these visas. Again, his was approved straight away.

I've just spent £40 on the phone to Oz immigration to be told I have to wait and it could take a week. I stand to lose all the money I've paid for the flight and no holiday I had to book leave for.
Of course, I could get an email by the morning saying it's been approved.
I understand this is very much first world problems but surely he needs to take some responsibilty for this?

Doesnt sound like laziness or stupidity to me - it sounds like he is fundamentally uninvested and uninterested in your life. Laziness would have been to not do it at all, stupidity would have been to put something like what you do but maybe just getting it wrong.

He didn't want to ask and admit he didn't remember your job title or your maiden name and he slopped any old garbage onto the page in the hope it would be waved through.

He says worst case scenario I dont come on the cruise and have to make my own way to the end port to fly home. OR I can "just not bother" and he will give me the money back

OP....stop being a mug and minimnising his behaviour by saying it's just him being 'stupid' and 'not thinking'.
HE KNOWS HOW TO FILL IN THE FORM - AND HE CHOSE TO FUCK IT UP
He knew what it would get rejected. He knew it would cause an issue for you to travel.

He doesn't want you there - it's as blatant and as simple as that.
Of course he's not going to tell you straight out that he doesn't want you there - because then he'd have to explain why.

Stop being a mug and tolerating his piss take.

It's reasonable to be angry with him as he has acted like an arse but I would never, ever offload an ETA application to someone else, any more than I would expect someone else to do a job application for me or replace me in a meeting with my boss about my work performance.

My partner is super-organised relative to what yours sounds like but he managed to

1. apply for his ETA too late given that he had been to a country that the US govt doesn't like in the past year and was thus evidently under suspicion as an undesirable. Turned out he had to be interviewed at the embassy in person and all this finally meant he could not travel out with me on the planned date and had to follow on later.
2. was going to fill in his form saying we were Civil Partners even though we'd never been through that ceremony. I caught that one in time.

In other words, never, ever leave these things to others. If you are going to be away somewhere for work, do it before you leave.

I know I probably sound horrible, but are you sure he wants yo with him? Not knowing what your job is, sounds incredibly insulting and as if he thinks your job is not as important as his. That would fuck me off. The maiden name, is just so bad it looks deliberate. Are you sure he doesn’t just want a jolly with his mates?

I’d be telling him to refund my money, see if work can cancel your holidays. You can just tell your workmates that you have both decided to go at a different time. Book a holiday for yourself and a friend. To be honest his attitude would make it very difficult for me to enjoy the holiday, even if I could get something like that sorted.

He had the option of saying no when OP asked if he'd mind helping her out. He had the option of ringing and asking for the info he didn't have or telling the OP he had trouble completing the form and he'd leave it for her.

He's either a bit dim (doesn't realise the importance of getting this stuff right) or doesn't want OP with him.

He sounds like a complete dolt. I would be furious.

My DH can be disorganised, but he has always known my maiden name and who my employer is. Those sorts of things are just so incredibly basic that your DH must have really worked hard at NOT knowing them. Mine used to occasionally cock up on my date of birth, having apparently trained himself to believe that my birthday was two days earlier than it is, but he also now seems to have trained himself out of that. He owned any mistakes and did learn to ask if he was unsure rather than taking a wild and inaccurate guess.

It is inexplicable why your DH didn't phone you to ask about the information he needed. Others are suggesting that perhaps he didn't really want you to go, but you say that it was his own suggestion. Therefore I lean towards the idea that he is simply a massive twat, and if this fuck up does actually stop you from going on the trip then I would find that very hard to forgive. I'm not sure that I could move on from it.

I've asked him straight out if the reason he didn't do it is that he doesnt want me to go. He's said He absolutely does want me to go and he's convinced everything will be ok.
He does know my maiden name and previous married name. He just couldnt be arsed to fill the form in properly.

Yeah, he's a dick. A massive, massive dick. Fucks sake.

How the hell can you not know where your own wife works? Or think that this is the kind of form where it doesn't really matter what you put?

Do you let him use scissors unsupervised?

OK then, based on your last update, he is a massive twat.

He must be pretty dim if he really can't see the problem.

If it all came through on time would there be endless cries of "told you it would be OK" ?

If so I'd be tempted to cancel now.

Not sure even a trip to Oz is worth that.

This is the thing! He's not at all dim. I'm so shocked at this I don't know where to start. He's usually kind, thoughtful, fun to be around, supportive, generous, all the good stuff. But this has seen him just seem to leak his brain out of his ears when faced with a simple online form. It's the fact that he thinks it's not a big deal that is making me so mad.
In fact I can count on one hand the amount of times we have argued like this in 7 years. I learned after my first marriage that I would rather face confrontation that live with resentment so I'm vocal when I'm unhappy (which, due to the behaviour I have listed above) I rarely am.

I bet he wouldn't be so laid back and un worried if it were his holiday hanging in the balance. And seriously, how can he not know where his wife works? That's crazy

I think his behaviour since indicates how guilty he is really feeling. I suspect he is feeling awful about it, so it’s easier to say it will all be fine and blame you and say that you are overreacting than to fully face how bad the mess up might be. Also, he probably doesn’t understand that what you want isn’t him to reassure you that it will be fine, but that what you want is an apology. Have you actually explained to him that what you really need (apart from the visa coming through) is for him to look you in the eye and say “I’m sorry, I stuffed up”? He may, consciously or subconsciously, think that saying that acknowledges this is a real problem and so makes it seem worse.

Practically speaking, I’d be phoning every day asking if they can give you any update, has the visa come through, is there anything you or they can do to move it along. Be polite, apologetic, grateful and desperate. Often people will take pity on you and move you to the top of the pile if they like you enough over the phone.

Oooh this would wind me up no end...

I think the worst part about it that he hasn't even owned it like it's his fault! If he was like "OMG I am so sorry darling, I'm such a muppet, what can I do to sort it" and apologised and was trying to correct it, it wouldn't be half so infuriating.

But the fact he's just shrugging it off would make me wild!!

Really hope you get it sorted OP, let's hope they email back tomorrow.

I will add to the condemnation of your DH OP. However, could the question of where you work be complicated? eg, not simply Tesco. I,knew exactly what job DH did but I wasn’t sure who his employer was officially - so if he worked in a hospital (which he didn’t) I wouldn’t be sure if his enployer was officially XYZ NHS Trust or ABC Hospital. I’m not excusing your DH btw

He has my business card in his wallet.

Right, so, he's apologised for doing it. He said he didnt think it was that important at the time and he wants me to stop being angry with him because there's nothing we can do about it now. I've said I am disappointed and sad and he understand s that and I'm allowed to remember it for the future.

He continues to be confident it will all be ok and I'll be getting my flight on Saturday.

Thanks for listening. I'll let you know what happens.

Oh no, what a nightmare!

I'm glad he's apologised, I'd be fuming too.

Fingers crossed all's ok and you do get your flight.

I'd be quizzing him on my name, job, age etc just to make sure he engages his brain next time

Let’s say you do go, presumably lots of cocktail type conversations. You need to perfect your amusing but really tossing your dh in it anecdote - ‘oh it’s all so lovely here, would you believe I barely made it , because THIS GUY here did the visa form and couldn’t remember what I do for a living. Married x years and that’s what you get, and it gets worse - he also GOT MY NAME WRONG! You- did you change your name? Does your husband remember what you used to be called? Anyway, it’s our wedding anniversary, or shall I call it the date my name changed from jones, so let’s have another!

I’d be telling that one a thousand times.

When we go to the US I do all of the ESTA - its easier to do it as a group all in one and pay together. For DH employment I checked and googled for info - its normal for one person to do it

Exactly. I'd think it quite silly if every person in the family did their own individual form in this sort of situation.

I do all the paperwork for stuff like this as I'm a paperwork control freak I like doing it, I know it's all done and then everything is in the one place at the one time.

OP, your husband's attitude is absolutely shocking. I bet he wouldn't be this chilled out if it was his visa and trip at stake.

Also to say, some forms/applications require that all the people applying do so at the same time and on the same paperwork, so to all the people saying you should have done it yourself, sometimes it's just not that simple.

Hope you get your flight OP it does sound like he didn’t want you to go though. My dh sorts out his own travel visas and then all of ours. My dh is also pretty useless and allows his PA to sort most things so I’m really not seeing where your dh was coming from fillings yours out so spectacularly wrong without fully understanding the consequences when he has filled them out before. Perhaps I’m being cynical but after I’d calmed down I’d be wondering how this has really come about.

I think like me you've learnt the hard way that with important official forms you've always got to fill them in yourself. It is such a huge risk relying on someone else to fill it out 100% accurately, no matter who that someone is.

You had my sympathy there, OP, and as I live in Sydney I was going to suggest if he was setting sail from there I could take you on the town instead, until I saw the 'only child syndrome' comment.

Because of course everyone who has a sibling is completely unselfish, not self centred or not ever just a massive prick 😡