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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset with DH?

133 replies

SSDGM · 06/02/2019 10:18

I'm (supposed) to be going to Oz at the weekend. my DH has a few nights work there on a cruise ship so we are extending the trip beforehand. I couldnt get on the same flight as him so I will be travelling there alone.
Because we will be on a ship we need a specific add on to the usual Electronic visa which has to be applied for first. On monday I was working away from home so I asked him to complete my part of the visa as I am considered his companion. His came back as approved straight away but mine didnt. Turns out he ballsed it up. Under the section specifically asking if I've been known as any other names including before marriage he said no. He also said I was unemployed because he "couldnt remember" what my job title was and who I worked for. All info that needs to match when I finally apply for my ETA.
3 days later its still not approved and I fly on on Sunday.
Apparently is is my fault for asking him to do it because he's "not good at forms" (he managed to do his own) and I'm U because I'm worried that I now wont be able to go and I'm angry with him. He also says its his employers fault as they didnt tell us until Monday to get these visas. Again, his was approved straight away.

I've just spent £40 on the phone to Oz immigration to be told I have to wait and it could take a week. I stand to lose all the money I've paid for the flight and no holiday I had to book leave for.
Of course, I could get an email by the morning saying it's been approved.
I understand this is very much first world problems but surely he needs to take some responsibilty for this?

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 06/02/2019 11:29

Oh your DH sounds like a dick. Sorry.

EKGEMS · 06/02/2019 11:30

StreetwiseHercules What street do you live on,Sesame Street?

Gruzinkerbell1 · 06/02/2019 11:32

What a fucking idiot.

The not being remotely sorry would upset me too, OP. Almost more than the original cock up.

Tell him to fuck off to Oz by himself and spend the 2 weeks he's gone packing up his shit and changing the locks.

What a selfish, useless man.

User383673 · 06/02/2019 11:32

He’s a twat and I would be furious. How selfish and cavalier.

Missingstreetlife · 06/02/2019 11:40

Sicario has it.
Your dh is being passive aggressive, why?

Poppyfr33 · 06/02/2019 11:45

When we applied for visa to Oz I missed one page of paperwork, the immigration phoned me and explained the issue, I scanned the page to them on a Friday, Monday morning visa arrived. Don’t give up hope just yet. We are all idiots at times.

TheFifthKey · 06/02/2019 11:47

I'd be very suspicious that he actually doesn't want you to come at all.

SSDGM · 06/02/2019 11:48

Because he doesnt like to admit he's wrong. Well, he will about small things like cocking up the dinner by messing with the ingredients (but that seems like a common thing with men) but he does have quite the ego sometimes.

I know what he's like. I didnt marry him without knowing this but I just needed to check that my own faults are making me overrreact.

Argh! Why are men?

OP posts:
WinnieFosterTether · 06/02/2019 11:49

Is he always hopeless with paperwork? Did he ask you to complete your own form and you refused? Or did he not want his work trip turned into an anniversary holiday? Because there is no excuse for someone who can complete paperwork and who regularly travels, to have messed this up so there's something else going on here.

KurriKurri · 06/02/2019 11:51

Those saying 'you should have done it yourself' - her Dh said he would do it.
If someone says they will do something you expect them to do it properly not in a way that will cause problems. I'm sure if OP's Dh had answered her request with 'I'll fill it in wrong because I can't really be arsed to check info' then she'd have said 'in that case I'll do it myself' but he didn't.

If you fuck up at work when asked to do a simple task do you say 'You should have done it yourself, it's your fault' ? - that's how a five year old would respond. If you accept a task, you do it properly or take responsibility for your cock up if you don't.

hellsbellsmelons · 06/02/2019 11:52

OR I can "just not bother" and he will give me the money back
I'd take this option now and book myself somewhere nice.

AutumnCrow · 06/02/2019 11:53

Those are two very contemptuous (of you) mistakes for your husband to make. And now he's messing with your head.

SSDGM · 06/02/2019 11:56

I'm definitely better with paperwork than him. He says that's my "thing" but I watched him complete his own very complicated chinese visa a few weeks ago so I pretty much thought I could trust him to do at least the Oz one.
I would have rather he said "I'd rather wait until you get home to do it" than have gone through all this bloody drama.

I'm not the sort to go out for petty revenge but I'm so frustrated with the whole thing at the minute that I'm plotting exactly that. :)

OP posts:
WhiteStuffAllAround · 06/02/2019 12:09

OP I'd get him to give me the money back and then bugger off somewhere without him. I wouldn't want to be around any idiot who'd caused me so much hassle.

teraculum29 · 06/02/2019 12:11

Not sure, but my gut feeling is that he did the form wrong on purpose. Like he didn't want you there. Not sure what his gain will be.
Upset wife? as he is not concern about losing money as he will give the money back to you.

StreetwiseHercules · 06/02/2019 12:11

I very rarely ask my wife to do things I am capable of doing myself.

If I did though, and she did it wrong, my appropriate response would not be anger. Would it?

SSDGM · 06/02/2019 12:15

So if you are, for example, booking a family holiday online, you would take the keyboard from your wife and type in your own name and date of birth because she cant be trusted to get such a simple thing right?

To know I am 1) employed and 2) have a maiden name/ previous married name when the form clearly says "Include names before you were married" is kind of as simple as those questions.

OP posts:
AutumnCrow · 06/02/2019 12:17

OP, I think that you have to face the possibility that he did this act of incompetence deliberately, and that through this he's telling you that this is what you mean to him.

I know it's not a pleasant thought, but the whole situation - and his current attitude - is heading towards the outcome of you not going with him to Australia, either because of his inexplicable cock-up or because he's causing all this upset and anger.

QED he wants to go away without you?

SSDGM · 06/02/2019 12:20

Or he's just been really stupid and careless and wont take responsibility of what he's done? He goes away without me frequently. 5 days after we get back he's away without me for almost two weeks.

I'm thinking more stupidity than malice. But that still doesnt make me any less frustrated.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 06/02/2019 12:24

When we go to the US I do all of the ESTA - its easier to do it as a group all in one and pay together. For DH employment I checked and googled for info - its normal for one person to do it

I think its more that he cares less about getting yours right OP because it doesnt directly effect him

MRex · 06/02/2019 12:26

He's been a knob and should apologise, he could have told you he just didn't want to do it if he wasn't going to do it properly. My DH used to always find an excuse until I taught him that when he's in the wrong it all goes away a lot quicker if he apologises. I think you need to teach your DH that.

MRex · 06/02/2019 12:26

Also are you near enough to go to the embassy in person? That might help, as well as explaining to them clearly that your DH was being a knob.

Travis1 · 06/02/2019 12:29

Jeezo, can't believe people are giving you stick for asking your husband to do it for you.

I do a break with 3 female family members every year, I do all the booking and organising so every year they send me their passport details and I do visas if needed and complete API. Off to Turkey in June with the Husband i'll do our visas and API. It's part of a marriage surely? You do things for each other and you apologise if you fuck up.

livefornaps · 06/02/2019 12:34

Mate, he doesn't want you there & he's not sorry.

Wave him off by himself then change the locks.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 06/02/2019 12:35

Why doesn’t he want you to go and who are the colleagues?