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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset with DH?

133 replies

SSDGM · 06/02/2019 10:18

I'm (supposed) to be going to Oz at the weekend. my DH has a few nights work there on a cruise ship so we are extending the trip beforehand. I couldnt get on the same flight as him so I will be travelling there alone.
Because we will be on a ship we need a specific add on to the usual Electronic visa which has to be applied for first. On monday I was working away from home so I asked him to complete my part of the visa as I am considered his companion. His came back as approved straight away but mine didnt. Turns out he ballsed it up. Under the section specifically asking if I've been known as any other names including before marriage he said no. He also said I was unemployed because he "couldnt remember" what my job title was and who I worked for. All info that needs to match when I finally apply for my ETA.
3 days later its still not approved and I fly on on Sunday.
Apparently is is my fault for asking him to do it because he's "not good at forms" (he managed to do his own) and I'm U because I'm worried that I now wont be able to go and I'm angry with him. He also says its his employers fault as they didnt tell us until Monday to get these visas. Again, his was approved straight away.

I've just spent £40 on the phone to Oz immigration to be told I have to wait and it could take a week. I stand to lose all the money I've paid for the flight and no holiday I had to book leave for.
Of course, I could get an email by the morning saying it's been approved.
I understand this is very much first world problems but surely he needs to take some responsibilty for this?

OP posts:
caperplips · 06/02/2019 12:38

OP that sounds like a big pile of shite and your dh was an idiot not to contact you to verify the info he needed.

But...I have to object to the only child comment! That's really not a fair comment to make and he most likely would be an idiot irregardless of how many siblings he had..

SSDGM · 06/02/2019 12:38

He hasnt said he doesnt want me to go. He messed it up because he's just slapdash and lazy. He's said he does want me to go but he can't worry about what's now out of our hands. My frustration is that he could have just picked up the phone.

The colleagues are men. Men that I consider friends.I have no concerns about what he does while he's away. 100%.

OP posts:
DwayneDibbly · 06/02/2019 12:39

I haven't RTFT, but is there any chance he just doesn't want you to come and has sabotaged your form? Apologies if this has already been mentioned. It just seems beyond ridiculous he doesn't know your job role or your maiden name.

MirriVan · 06/02/2019 12:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Absofuckinglutely · 06/02/2019 12:42

On reflection, I'm starting to wonder if his motives were more sinister and he doesn't want you there?
Seems this incompetence is too ridiculous to be genuine, and his reaction certainly isn't one of remorse and apology.

MirriVan · 06/02/2019 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GooseberryJam · 06/02/2019 12:48

He's got serious only child syndrome sometimes and finds it hard to admit when he fucks up

I also wanted to point out how annoying this is. I'm an only child, and I am both competent and willing to admit to my fuck ups. Don't blame your husband being a dick on his lack of siblings, blame it on him being a dick.

AutumnCrow · 06/02/2019 12:49

And the added bonus for him is that you won't ask him to do anything else ever again. And he'll make himself out to be a victim of this somehow. 'There's no point me even trying', 'nothing I do is ever good enough', 'you never let me forget the smallest mistake' ...

SSDGM · 06/02/2019 12:49

Yeah, I take the only child thing back. I think it is more of a having a penis thing than anything. But to be fair, my exH was also an only child so I have no other frame of reference.

I think he just did not understand or did not want to understand how important what he was doing was. The fact that this would be a problem seems to have not crossed his mind. Now he has to admit he's dropped a massive clanger.

This won't be forgotten, believe me.

OP posts:
JamPasty · 06/02/2019 12:53

SSDGM - I was with you until you said "He's got serious only child syndrome". That's majorly patronising you know - what the fuck has being an only child got to do with anything? Most of us manage to function like normal useful human beings you know.

SSDGM · 06/02/2019 12:58

ok, I apologise if you are an only child and you were offended by my comment. I've already said I take it back.

Still doesnt change the fact he's being a dick. Siblings or not.

OP posts:
humblesims · 06/02/2019 12:59

He messed it up because he's just slapdash and lazy
But not with his own form or his Chinese form. Just with your form.

Quartz2208 · 06/02/2019 13:00

Nope its neither an only child thing or a man thing - that is trying to say its not his fault due to somehow he is an only child man

Its a him thing - that is it

AutumnCrow · 06/02/2019 13:01

I think you have to name his behaviours, e.g. do you think he's spoilt, selfish, self-absorbed? Is that what you're driving at, possibly?

Whisky2014 · 06/02/2019 13:01

I agree with others that he has done this on purpose. He hasnt shown any remorse, isnt worried, sees you as a bitter to come.

Nice.

easyandy101 · 06/02/2019 13:07

I don't need a visa to go to Oz but my partner does but she forgot

She applied on the way to the airport and had the visa by the time we boarded.

Put a joke on the family chat group and it turned out a sister, due to fly in a few days had also forgotten. So she applied straight away and it didn't come through

In the end she applied for a different style of visa and it bounced back approved straight away

Your husbands sloppiness possibly had nothing to do with it, a very high percentage are auto approved without even any manual checking and the remainder are sent for manual oversight, and this takes ages

Here's eventually got approved, but after jet scheduled departure date

I'm not recommending applying for more visas btw cos I bet that's illegal Grin

easyandy101 · 06/02/2019 13:09

Here's eventually got approved, but after jet scheduled departure date

*Hers eventually got approved, but after her scheduled departure date

CatnissEverdene · 06/02/2019 13:12

It's the fact that he doesn't seem to care that would be upsetting me the most.

gamerchick · 06/02/2019 13:13

Personally I'd be telling him I think he's deliberately sabataged it so he gets to go alone and I'd be thinking carefully about our future while he's away. Then ask him to transfer the money he owes.

He doesn't get to go with a calm not a care in the world head then. Selfish fucker.

FiveRedBricks · 06/02/2019 13:16

Tbh if my husband knew so little about me and was so administerially (is that the word?) inept then I'd be wondering why he was my husband Confused

Is he always such a manchild?

diddl · 06/02/2019 13:18

Mistakes happen-but neither of the things he put are a mistake, are they?

Unemployed when Op isn't.

No other names before marriage when he knows that that isn't so either.

ReanimatedSGB · 06/02/2019 13:20

Whose idea was it initially for you to go with him? If it was his, then he's 'just' careless, lazy and selfish. However, if it was your idea, then I think the PP who say he doesn't actually want you to come might be on to something. Is he generally inclined towards passive-aggressive behaviour to get his own way?

SSDGM · 06/02/2019 13:23

It was his idea. I had the chance last year but had to work overseas myself so didnt get to do it.

OP posts:
Gth1234 · 06/02/2019 13:23

Personally, I think you should have took responsibility for your own return, rather than trust the nincompooop

MrsArthurShappey · 06/02/2019 13:25

I think he just did not understand or did not want to understand how important what he was doing was.

And yet his was fine