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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I can report her to the police

88 replies

UnchangedFaces321 · 05/02/2019 13:35

So a bit of backstory...

I gave birth to my son almost 9 months ago. I immediately started suffering with postnatal depression and had extreme thoughts of harming myself and my child (I never acted upon them.) I decided to upload a post to social media a couple of months ago, highlighting my struggles and to raise awareness of mental health struggles, whether children are involved or not (I've suffered with anxiety and depression my entire life anyway)

My husband's SIL (his brothers wife, not any of my family!) is a very jealous, self-centred person who, if she doesn't get her own way, will do anything to sabotage other people's lives. She sabotaged our wedding plans, told people the gender of our baby before we could, and caused a massive rift in my husband's family, but those are different stories.

My DH's SIL has threatened to report me to social services because of my postnatal depression and the thoughts I previously had. There's proof I'm improving in terms of my mental health, and I've never ever laid a harmful finger on my son.

Can I report her to the police for threatening me and for false accusation or am I best just ignoring her and allowing her to be petty? I have blocked her on Facebook.

If you saw my son, you'd see he's one of the happiest and healthiest little boys alive. I'd never hurt him and I'm in major distress thinking that at any moment I could get reported to SS despite no longer being in a bad state of mind.

Sorry for the long post. I'm just so scared.

OP posts:
Suziepoozie · 05/02/2019 13:38

She’s an absolute bitch. Telling you (or anyone) she’s going to report you isn’t, as I’m sure she’d paint it, in the best interests of your child. If she was really worried, she’d do it without warning. She’s trying to manipulate you.

I’m not sure it’s a police matter but if you feel she’s harassing you, contact them.

Angelicinnocent · 05/02/2019 13:39

Even if she were to report you to ss, all they would do is a follow up with you. If your baby is happy, healthy and well cared for, they would leave it at that.

Don't give the awful woman any more head space.

Somerville · 05/02/2019 13:41

Ignore her. And block on social media.

Original poster
UnchangedFaces321 · 05/02/2019 13:42

I also need to add, she plastered it all over her Facebook status that I suffered with postnatal depression so now literally everyone knows about it. Yes I uploaded it to my social media, but that's only so friends and family of mine could see it. Not hers :(

OP posts:
PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 05/02/2019 13:46

Report you for what? having PND? is she dim or doesn’t she think the GP would make any safeguarding alerts if you were a danger.

Similarly, you cant report her to the police for making a safeguarding disclosure, unless it strays into harassment.

Ignore the woman.

But to be blunt, social media, probably not the best place to document your thoughts

but to be blunt, social media, probably not the best place to document your thoughts

Original poster
UnchangedFaces321 · 05/02/2019 13:47

She also has 2 young children. One is a year and a half old, the other is 6 months old. So I feel like she should have more sympathy and put herself in my shoes. And think about my husband who is literally the perfect dad

OP posts:
Original poster
UnchangedFaces321 · 05/02/2019 13:48

I realise now I maybe shouldn't have put my struggles on social media but I only wanted to raise awareness, not be targeted :( I understand your point though

OP posts:
Buster72 · 05/02/2019 13:49

You made it public on social media now you want to complain that someone has repeated what you said?

You do understand how social media works right?

This is not a police matter.

Confusedbeetle · 05/02/2019 13:51

Come off Facebook altogether. It is not helpful. Ignore the stupid woman

Original poster
UnchangedFaces321 · 05/02/2019 13:51

She repeated it to everyone she knows because she likes to target and manipulate people. It's not the first time she's done it but those times aren't what I'm talking about. I posted it on social media to raise awareness, however her entire family are manipulative which is why I'm so upset.

OP posts:
BudgiePie · 05/02/2019 13:54

As above. The problem is you fuelling the fire with social media. Come off social media I promise you won't miss it and it will make you feel loads better. Also means you never get to see or hear anything about this horrible woman unless you physically see her. Which I hope doesnt happen, I would suggest you go no contact.

Birdsgottafly · 05/02/2019 13:54

Stop giving her fuel for the fire.

Have as little to do with her as possible.

After the first thing by her, there shouldn't have been a second chance.

Your answer to her should have been "so what, do what you think you have to".

Original poster
UnchangedFaces321 · 05/02/2019 13:55

As I've said, I've blocked her. She doesn't live near us but will be moving back this year with her husband and their 2 children. I'm just so terrified even though I know I've done nothing wrong

OP posts:
gamerchick · 05/02/2019 13:59

Do you really think that he putting that on SM paints her in a good light OP? All she's done is very publicly announced she's a thundering cunt. It won't be a good look and people won't be thinking the way she is.

Original poster
UnchangedFaces321 · 05/02/2019 14:00

That's the thing, all of her family are behind her and some of her friends. So yeah, she does think it paints her in a good light. Unfortunately for me, she makes me seem like a terrible person

OP posts:
marymarkle · 05/02/2019 14:01

SS won't be interested. At most they will visit, see your children are fine, and go away again.
The rest is the old fashioned equivalent of gossiping over the garden fence. Very unpleasant, but not a police matter. And anyone with any intelligence reading what she is saying about you will realise she is out of order.

hopefulmama36 · 05/02/2019 14:01

I think some people are being harsh on the OP. People have a right to share stuff on social media without having it all spread around. My MIL and FIL have mental health issues and regularly share mental health awareness posts on Facebook. Does that mean I should spread their personal diagnoses on my profile or report them as a safeguarding risk to their grandchildren.

Your SIL sounds like a right treat! Unfortunately not much you can do but ignore her and watch what information you give her next timem Especially if she has a history of using it againest you. Try not to worry about what she's said. I'm sure if there were valid concerns then your GP/other health professionals would flag them with you. Having mental health issues isn't really a safeguarding flag unless your child's is at risk of harm/injury.

kierenthecommunity · 05/02/2019 14:01

You’d struggle to prove these are threats to be fair. She would just say she’s making a legitimate report out of concern.

If she continued doing similar, or she made threats of violence, you may have grounds to report her for harassment or malicious communications. But not for a one off incident

theworldistoosmall · 05/02/2019 14:03

Once you start posting on SM, you cannot really complain when others then share this info. This is one of the reasons why I am extremely careful about what I post. When I post health-related and other personal things, I do it as an update for selective people, not everyone on my SM. Whatsapp groups aren't possible because my friends don't know each other and rightfully don't want their details shared with others.

I would simply go NC with her. You don't need her in your life.

And for what it's worth her mates probably think she is a nasty bitch and won't really share personal things with her.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/02/2019 14:03

Oh massive hugs, bless you, I had the same as you, ended up dd having SN. Unfortunately you have discovered that not everyone on Facebook is your friend. You have to be very careful.

gamerchick · 05/02/2019 14:03

No.it.doesnt!

The best thing you can do is make a list of all the people who agree with her and delete them from your SM if they are on it.

If any of them have the audacity to speak to you about it in person then call them out on it. You haven't done anything wrong but it has shown you who the toxic people are so you can swerve them IRL.

Original poster
UnchangedFaces321 · 05/02/2019 14:04

The only reason I asked if I should report her to the police is because my husband said I should but I've been on the fence about it. Thank you all for convincing me not to!

OP posts:
gamerchick · 05/02/2019 14:05

Actually maybe your husband should deal with it. It's his family.

I'd go fucking nuts if anyone on my side upset my husband.

Original poster
UnchangedFaces321 · 05/02/2019 14:08

I kept waking up last night, sweating and having panic attacks because I was and am so scared. I'm actually so much better now that I want to have another child, whereas before I didn't want anymore ever again. I just want to be happy

OP posts:
Idontbelieveinthemoon · 05/02/2019 14:08

That's the thing, all of her family are behind her and some of her friends. So yeah, she does think it paints her in a good light. Unfortunately for me, she makes me seem like a terrible person

Without wanting to sound like an armchair analyst, do you think this is perhaps a little bit that your self-esteem means you're assuming she has the backing of all these friends and family? You sound as though you're very tough on yourself for having been through something entirely normal. So many women go through PND, so many women come out the other side and wouldn't dream of judging another woman for experiencing it.

As others have said, go NC if you feel confident in that and stop worrying about what others think of you. You had PND, it's no different to having a broken leg or a tooth abscess; you treated it, it got better, you're recovered. Don't beat yourself up for having been unwell; worrying about the harm she wants to do could harm your mental health and for what? Who cares if she thinks you're a bad parent? Anyone who knows and loves you will know who you really are (and will probably laugh behind her back at her bullshit).