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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think I can report her to the police

88 replies

UnchangedFaces321 · 05/02/2019 13:35

So a bit of backstory...

I gave birth to my son almost 9 months ago. I immediately started suffering with postnatal depression and had extreme thoughts of harming myself and my child (I never acted upon them.) I decided to upload a post to social media a couple of months ago, highlighting my struggles and to raise awareness of mental health struggles, whether children are involved or not (I've suffered with anxiety and depression my entire life anyway)

My husband's SIL (his brothers wife, not any of my family!) is a very jealous, self-centred person who, if she doesn't get her own way, will do anything to sabotage other people's lives. She sabotaged our wedding plans, told people the gender of our baby before we could, and caused a massive rift in my husband's family, but those are different stories.

My DH's SIL has threatened to report me to social services because of my postnatal depression and the thoughts I previously had. There's proof I'm improving in terms of my mental health, and I've never ever laid a harmful finger on my son.

Can I report her to the police for threatening me and for false accusation or am I best just ignoring her and allowing her to be petty? I have blocked her on Facebook.

If you saw my son, you'd see he's one of the happiest and healthiest little boys alive. I'd never hurt him and I'm in major distress thinking that at any moment I could get reported to SS despite no longer being in a bad state of mind.

Sorry for the long post. I'm just so scared.

OP posts:

HJWT · 05/02/2019 15:49

I think u just need to block and move on, don't speak to her again and ignore her at family events. The first person SS would ask would be your HV and as she has no concerns you will be fine... honestly delete FB its the biggest load of shit ever created and there really is no need to put your whole life online.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 05/02/2019 15:51

She’s obviously horrible but I don’t think there’s enough for the police to get involved and I don’t think it would make you feel better either. She’s made you feel vulnerable with her spiteful behaviour and the best thing you can do now is take steps so that you feel back in control.
Why not book an appointment with your health visitor and talk to her frankly about how well you’ve been feeling but how upset you’ve been by this? Your hv can support and reassure you. Social Services are well aware that some people make malicious reports and they will take your gp or hv’s opinion seriously, not some spiteful family member.
Get out in front of this. You have a healthy, happy child and nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t waste your energy fretting about this woman. Don’t even bother to hate her. Disregard her. She’s nothing and no-one to you.

Home77 · 05/02/2019 15:52

and to give you an idea of the support, well they asked me what would help and we arranged that if feeling anxious could pop into the children's centre (not there anymore sadly) and have a cuppa and a chat while I fed my baby, in town, and then when I felt better we stopped doing that. That was it. It was called a 'child in need' referral. We also had a playgroup session thing too, stay and play it was called. It all felt supportive towards me. The other woman is being daft and misunderstanding of PND.

Home77 · 05/02/2019 15:53

I agree health visitor would be good, mine even did some counselling with me when I had PND

MissB83 · 05/02/2019 15:54

Even if she followed through on her ridiculous threat, social services wouldn't be interested unless there were some evidence that your son is at risk. She is a silly woman. Try not to let her damage your recovery from PND as it's such a horrible illness, well done for fighting your way through it.

Dieu · 05/02/2019 15:57

You poor thing. I had similar intrusive thoughts with my secondborn (now 12!), and it was hands down the worst time of my life.
Your anxiety will be bad enough without that cowbag making it worse
I would just ignore and go non contact. Hope you're ok.

workornot · 05/02/2019 16:04

You cannot report her to police if she would contact SS due to a safeguarding concern.

No idea if you can report her for sharing your MH issues on FB. Did she share your status or post separately?

Tbh, if she is the kind of person you describe and DH's family are supportive of her, I would re-evaluate my relationship with DH's side of the family and I would certainly go NC with her. she sounds toxic.

For now, just focus on your child and your recovery. Seems you have an supportive DH. Take strength from that too but don't bother so much what the rest think. it really isn't important.

SaturdayNext · 05/02/2019 16:06

By basically saying that if I didn't stop replying to her and defending myself, she'd report me to social services.

Tell her that your health visitor already knows all about it, so feel free to tell social services.

CantStopMeNow · 05/02/2019 16:28

If she's such a nasty person and ruins or sabotages things for you all the time - why on earth did you have her on your fb AND give her access to your posts?
Why do you bother with her at all?

ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser · 05/02/2019 17:13

Your SIL is clearly a toxic narcissist, you need to go completely NC and make sure that anyone who has access to your Facebook/social media is not on her friend list/ feeding her information from your Facebook feed. I would also be changing your privacy settings to friends only, to avoid this sort of thing happening again. I would also consider either removing your Facebook profile completely - or you could set up a new private profile with only your closest family/ closest friends (I would also consider removing any of your DP’s family too).

Your SIL is a very dangerous woman, my MIL was just as dangerous, when I was concerned about possible malicious referrals I contacted my medical SW (I am severely disabled and have a care plan and carers provided by SW/ local council) and my HV to explain the situation and the fact that a malicious referral may be made about me. Both my SW and HV were lovely, they provided an ear in a very upsetting situation and reassured me. They also told me that I had made the right decision in stopping contact as MIL’s behaviour was deemed a safeguarding risk. So it was then noted on file that malicious referrals may be made and they dealt with it between them when it did happen.

Racecardriver · 05/02/2019 17:17

You can’t report her to the police for this. She hasn’t broken any laws. Hope she drops it. She sounds horrible

AcrossthePond55 · 06/02/2019 00:13

or you could set up a new private profile with only your closest family/ closest friends

I know someone who did this. They make random posts on their original page (random videos of animals, innocuous statements, the occasional picture of a sunrise) to keep 'certain people' thinking it's still her primary page. Her second page (in another name) with only her own family and a few very trusted friends is where she shares pictures and her thoughts on life, etc. And she has it locked down tighter than Ft Knox.

PregnantSea · 06/02/2019 02:49

Don't go to the police, it's not a police matter. Just cut her out of your life as much as possible. If there's some sort of family thing where you both have to be there just avoid and her be polite and civil if forced into conversation with her.

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