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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I can report her to the police

88 replies

UnchangedFaces321 · 05/02/2019 13:35

So a bit of backstory...

I gave birth to my son almost 9 months ago. I immediately started suffering with postnatal depression and had extreme thoughts of harming myself and my child (I never acted upon them.) I decided to upload a post to social media a couple of months ago, highlighting my struggles and to raise awareness of mental health struggles, whether children are involved or not (I've suffered with anxiety and depression my entire life anyway)

My husband's SIL (his brothers wife, not any of my family!) is a very jealous, self-centred person who, if she doesn't get her own way, will do anything to sabotage other people's lives. She sabotaged our wedding plans, told people the gender of our baby before we could, and caused a massive rift in my husband's family, but those are different stories.

My DH's SIL has threatened to report me to social services because of my postnatal depression and the thoughts I previously had. There's proof I'm improving in terms of my mental health, and I've never ever laid a harmful finger on my son.

Can I report her to the police for threatening me and for false accusation or am I best just ignoring her and allowing her to be petty? I have blocked her on Facebook.

If you saw my son, you'd see he's one of the happiest and healthiest little boys alive. I'd never hurt him and I'm in major distress thinking that at any moment I could get reported to SS despite no longer being in a bad state of mind.

Sorry for the long post. I'm just so scared.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 05/02/2019 15:02

Blackmail? If she's blackmailing you, then you can certainly report her to the police - that's a serious crime?

BarbarianMum · 05/02/2019 15:03

I expect because the OP posted she had previously had thoughts about harming him Bluntness.

Bluntness100 · 05/02/2019 15:07

Yes, but she says she never posted it on social media.

Notsurprisedatall · 05/02/2019 15:08

I think it's hilarious how @kindlyplay had the least supportive response. So that name is ironic not something to live by?

Original poster
UnchangedFaces321 · 05/02/2019 15:08

I would just like to clarify, that although I did have thoughts of harming my child, I would never ever ever lay a finger on him in any way to hurt him. I got help before it became anywhere near that serious. I got help as soon as I had those thoughts. She's never seen me with my son and how loved he is, but I know for a fact she doesn't care about any of us and would genuinely only report me to be malicious

OP posts:
kindlyplay · 05/02/2019 15:10

Who pissed in your cereal this morning? I was asking a genuine question about whether I can report her for blackmail.

I'm sorry I missed that. How did she blackmail you?

Original poster
UnchangedFaces321 · 05/02/2019 15:10

And yeah, I never posted on social media that I wanted to hurt my child- only that I wanted to hurt myself. I posted about my struggles but never once mentioned about wanting to hurt my child. She just somehow took that from the post I made

OP posts:
Original poster
UnchangedFaces321 · 05/02/2019 15:11

By basically saying that if I didn't stop replying to her and defending myself, she'd report me to social services. Sorry, must have forgotten to include that. My minds everywhere atm

OP posts:
kindlyplay · 05/02/2019 15:11

think it's hilarious how @kindlyplay had the least supportive response. So that name is ironic not something to live by?

I guess I could have name changed first but my response wouldn't change. It sounded like 12 year olds bickering. No need to waste the police time. However in light of the fact I stupidly missed the OP was being blackmailed (am going to go and read that in a min) I would say my post is irrelevant now anyway.

Original poster
UnchangedFaces321 · 05/02/2019 15:13

So I actually personally apologise to you for not being clear in how she blackmailed me in my OP or previous responses. Sorry for being rude to you Flowers

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 05/02/2019 15:13

Op, is there another way she could know you you had those thoughts? Could your husband have told his parents, or his brother for example?

And again how was thre threat made? In person, phone, social media? What exactly was said?

BarbarianMum · 05/02/2019 15:13

Ok, sorry OP I presumed she'd got it from your social media posts. In any case, be kind to yourself. It is by no means uncommon to have thoughts about harming your child and you did the right thing in seeking help.

But do block her, it'll make you feel better.

kindlyplay · 05/02/2019 15:14

Wait, crossed wires much. She has not blackmailed you Confused

I am quite confused by this whole post, I refer to my previous answer of you sounding like a pair of 12 year olds.

kindlyplay · 05/02/2019 15:15

If someone threatened to report me I would laugh and tell them to crack on.

I am sorry you are having a hard time OP but this absolutely is not a police matter.

Notsurprisedatall · 05/02/2019 15:15

12-year-olds bickering? She's been threatened with a malicious social services report against her! This is too a woman who has been struggling with mental health issues, a chemical imbalance leaving her wanting to self-harm or kill herself.

I think it is a lot more than childish bickering!

kindlyplay · 05/02/2019 15:19

She's been threatened with a malicious social services report against her!

Indeed. Its a threat. It's malicious. Nothing is going to happen. Even if the OP was reported the SS would simply follow up and see things were fine and that be an end to it.

It's not a police matter by any stretch of the imagination.

Original poster
UnchangedFaces321 · 05/02/2019 15:21

It was made over Facebook, in a comment thread to be exact, where everyone could see it and then she threatened me again via message x

OP posts:
caringcarer · 05/02/2019 15:23

After having a baby sadly some woman do have pp depression. When that happens it is vital not to keep it to themselves but to go and get both support and medication from GP. Is your SiL holding this blackmail over you because you did not go to GP? You sound scared now. If you have not already gone to get support from GP it is not too late to go now. Then it is documented you did the right thing and got help. I would be making sure you are feeling 100% for 6 months before thinking of having another child because if pp depression after first child then it may come again if you have second child so be prepared and get support network in place before getting pregnant again. I would be off social media completely and just get on with enjoying your baby.

Goldmandra · 05/02/2019 15:23

She's abusive and getting off on your responses.

Block her in every way possible and ignore her.

If she reports you, Social Care may call or visit. They will then have no further concerns. You've asked for an received help and the matter has been resolved. They have no role to play.

Let her report whatever she likes. Social Care are well used to malicious reporting and the most they will be doing is a cursory check.

Goldmandra · 05/02/2019 15:24

Google the Grey Rock Technique and use it on her.

araiwa · 05/02/2019 15:25

Lets hope sil isnt on mn too

And OP defo needs to consider what she shares in public going forward because a mum having thoughts of harming herself or baby is 100% worthy of SS involvement

HollowTalk · 05/02/2019 15:26

The thing is that with social media you are telling people personal things about yourself even if you hate that person. Why do that? There's no point just blocking her - you'd have to block everyone she's friends with.

You have nothing to worry about in terms of your child and I hope your PND passes easily, but really don't give people like this any ammunition.

If you want to support women with PND (and that's really nice of you that you want to do this) then post on boards like Mumsnet where you'll reach your target audience.

RhiWrites · 05/02/2019 15:28

No crime has been committed, there is nothing for the police to act on.

OP, you’ve mentioned “blackmail” but I can’t see anything that indicates that. She didn’t ask you for anything, I don’t see anything that would be classed as blackmail.

Social services get a bad rap. My dad worked in social services for 30 years. They help people. Even if you had been reported to social services all they’d have done is help you. They are healthcare providers. The only circumstance in which you’d have been separated from your baby is if you were in actual danger of harming him.

I’ll have to take your word for this OP, that you saw her words as a threat. But if my SIL talked about thoughts of harming her baby then I wouldn’t hesitate to encourage her to talk to social services and if she shouldn’t, I’d make the call myself. Not with any malicious intention, just wanting the appropriate help to be provided.

bubblegumunicorn · 05/02/2019 15:34

Honestly its people like her who scare people out of getting help! There are people going through PND who won't get the help they need because they are scared someone will report them to SS and the children will be taken away from them! This of coure isn't going to happen people aren't punished for asking for help but your post has made me so angry on your behalf! I hope you are well on the way to recovery and are happy in your self! Don't let this make you fall backwards in to depression!

Home77 · 05/02/2019 15:48

Hope this helps, to let you know I had a referral to SS a few years ago which me and the HV asked for, due to having PND. They were nothing but supportive, the social worker told me, she had it as well.

There is nothing to be ashamed about.

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