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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think I can report her to the police

88 replies

UnchangedFaces321 · 05/02/2019 13:35

So a bit of backstory...

I gave birth to my son almost 9 months ago. I immediately started suffering with postnatal depression and had extreme thoughts of harming myself and my child (I never acted upon them.) I decided to upload a post to social media a couple of months ago, highlighting my struggles and to raise awareness of mental health struggles, whether children are involved or not (I've suffered with anxiety and depression my entire life anyway)

My husband's SIL (his brothers wife, not any of my family!) is a very jealous, self-centred person who, if she doesn't get her own way, will do anything to sabotage other people's lives. She sabotaged our wedding plans, told people the gender of our baby before we could, and caused a massive rift in my husband's family, but those are different stories.

My DH's SIL has threatened to report me to social services because of my postnatal depression and the thoughts I previously had. There's proof I'm improving in terms of my mental health, and I've never ever laid a harmful finger on my son.

Can I report her to the police for threatening me and for false accusation or am I best just ignoring her and allowing her to be petty? I have blocked her on Facebook.

If you saw my son, you'd see he's one of the happiest and healthiest little boys alive. I'd never hurt him and I'm in major distress thinking that at any moment I could get reported to SS despite no longer being in a bad state of mind.

Sorry for the long post. I'm just so scared.

OP posts:

theworldistoosmall · 05/02/2019 14:14

Oh, and SS won't be interested.
I do SH, not just physically either. All the HCP's involved with me are aware of the extent of this. There was a point when SS was informed and I agreed with the HCP why this was done. It was done to give me some extra support when my MH was at rock bottom. All that happened was that someone would come to have a chat (or not at times as I wasn't always in a talkative mood), a coffee, a bit of tidying up and sometimes chaperoned me as I was also passing out a lot and couldn't go out alone.
Once I was stable again, I didn't need access to them and that was it until I had a relapse and contacted them myself.

When I am fully stable, I also volunteer for the service and help people in similar situations to myself.

Sure start also do similar services, although it could depend on the area.

Valdy · 05/02/2019 14:14

That's the thing, all of her family are behind her and some of her friends

As long as they are not your family, friends or anything to do with you and your child, why does it matter? It just means there's a few more irrelevant people talking bollocks. I wouldn't worry about them. And as for her moving nearer to you, just ignore her and when you do have to see her (assuming you do for your OH) just keep it as simple as possible. Don't let it be known that she's affected you as that's clearly what she wants.

raspberrylipbalm · 05/02/2019 14:14

OP, please don't worry about social services. If your GP or HV had had any concerns at the time, they would have made a report to SS themselves. They didn't.

OutPinked · 05/02/2019 14:17

She sounds awful but you have definitely offered her this fuel on a silver platter I’m afraid... Block her but this isn’t a police matter and if she does contact SS they will see your baby is fine and leave it at that.

Original poster

UnchangedFaces321 · 05/02/2019 14:18

Thank you everyone, for making me not feel insane. I just feel like a horrible mother now, because of her. Logically I know I'm not but at the moment, I feel like I'm a horrible mother.

I did have a health visitor come out 3 times who was more of a specialist in mental health in replacement of my new one and even she wasn't concerned.
I think I'm just overwhelmed

OP posts:

owl2015 · 05/02/2019 14:22

She sounds horrendous, poor you. Can't you go through the brothers channel- ie get your DH to tell his brother to get her to back off?

sollyfromsurrey · 05/02/2019 14:22

So according to your SIL and all her friends and family, all women who suffer with PND should be reported to SS? They are going to be very busy...

Dinnaehinksae · 05/02/2019 14:23

Please don't worry. I had similar to you in that I was suffering from pnd and someone reported to social work I was going to abandon my baby. (Totally twisted and not at all true) social work came out to see me and just asked a couple questions, they could see the baby was fine, and I never heard from them again.

Babyboysarenowbig · 05/02/2019 14:27

OP I mean this in the nicest possible way (I’ve just taken my meds so I’m a bit woozy) but stay away from social media and don’t post your personal struggles.

I too have mental health problems/issues/ diagnosis whatever you want to call them. I have bipolar and generalised anxiety disorder. I put things on my social media- memes about these, and everyone who knows me know I have them, it’s no big deal.

However I never talk about my own struggles. Because some days it could be really dark! So instead I stand away from there. Everyone’s used to me suddenly disappearing for 2/3/4/5 months. Then i’ll Come back and people will just say ‘I hope you’re feeling better’ because they know the pattern now.

But if I posted when I was manic there would be ramblings about me going back to uni, starting a business, planning round the world trips and so on. When I was depressed, how I can’t cope, my children would be better off without me, how my life’s not worth living and so on.

Yet they would be my internal thoughts (the dark ones), unless ending my life came into play, I wouldn’t verbalise it. I wouldn’t verbalise the other thoughts when I was down. Because I know it’s a blip and I will get over it.

But when you write it down (I personally use a mood journal btw), it can come across not as you intended. Then if someone is reading it who don’t have experience in the area, they don’t understand that you are already supported so if there were concerns there would be intervention. It can come across that you are possibly endanger to yourself and others.

I can understand why you want to do it. It’s about getting mental health problems out there, creating awareness, trying to stop the stigma. But it has to be done in the right way. Unfortunately as you’ve experienced, your good intentions have caused further anxiety. Nothing will come of it. You are receiving support, so don’t worry about it.

Oh and by the way, your SIL is an ass!!

Seline · 05/02/2019 14:28

Block her and go no contact. What a vile woman.

TaighNamGastaOrt · 05/02/2019 14:29

OH OP. I was attacked on SM last year by small-minded bitter twats whose lives are so shitty, that all they have to do to amuse themselves or make themselves feel better about their shitty lives, is point accusatory fingers at someone who admits to being vulnerable.
You've got more balls for putting your hand up and asking for help, than any of her friends, family and 'supporters'.
Fuck them OP, you're a good mum, you knew you were struggling, you got help. Time for those big girl pants!
Police can't do much, SS would likely do nothing so my answer was 'do your worst, I have nothing to hide'. It is hard when you think this person and all her pals think you're shit. But they're nothing to you, so who cares what they think?
It is overwhelming, but you've survived PND, you can survive this. Baby steps: block every twat on SM, tighten up security on your accounts. Back off SM for a while and back off your DH's family too. Tell your husband how this makes you feel-he should have your back in this. He and his family sound like they know what a drama queen she is, so try not to worry about what they think.

Bluntness100 · 05/02/2019 14:30

Op, how did she make the threat about social services? Was it in person, on the phone, on social media?

And what did you write exactly on facebook, was it simply about you are suffering from pnd and it was hard, or was it you had thoughts about harming your son or you?

AcrossthePond55 · 05/02/2019 14:30

Why isn't your DH handling this? It's his brother's wife after all.

I think the most you need to do is lockdown your FB as tight as you can. If anyone (including your iLs) is 'friends' with her, then they are blocked on yours.

BTW, what DO your PiLs think of all this? If she and BiL are moving back into the area you will need to know who has your back and who doesn't

Deadbudgie · 05/02/2019 14:31

That sounds awful! Your sip is a bitch.have you discussed her actions with your brother?

If my DH treated my brother like that I’d be having serious words.

You have the right to put what you want out there but I’d be blocking SIl

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 05/02/2019 14:33

Don’t let her scare you
Police involvement could be stressful and futile . The best revenge is a life well lived .
Block her and focus on building yourself back up . Sorry some people are utter cunts

Valanice1989 · 05/02/2019 14:34

Sorry that she's been so horrible to you, OP, but she hasn't done anything illegal. It's not a police matter.

Be careful what you post on social media - it's a public place. I know that sounds obvious, but for some reason some people don't really think of it that way.

Notsurprisedatall · 05/02/2019 14:34

I would use what she has done to further make people aware of the stigma of PND by screenshotting her comments and post and saying something like "PND doesn't mean mums cant care for their babies, it means we have a chemical imbalance and just require people to recognise we need our amazing friends and family around us and not stigmatise mental health" or similar

She is a bitch

Original poster

UnchangedFaces321 · 05/02/2019 14:34

@Bluntness100, all I said was that I struggled with PND and had thoughts of harming myself but she somehow managed to extract that I said I wanted to kill my son, which I never said and I never even had thoughts of that.

My PIL's aren't aware yet, or not as far as I know anyway. But they hate her, and are only civil with her so they can see her kids (their grandchildren) x

OP posts:

YouSayPotatoesISayVodka · 05/02/2019 14:42

God she’s an atrocious cunt. Block her on everything, cut her out and if and when people ask why you’ve done that you make sure you tell them why.

I’m not sure if the police can do anything about her threats but I wouldn’t worry about social services getting involved. They might pay a visit but they won’t hang about for long once they see that you and your child are happy and healthy and managing. They have people in dire need to help after all.

Bluntness100 · 05/02/2019 14:46

Ok, then don't not involve the police it's just escalating it. Social services isn't a threat to you, irrelevant of what she thinks. If you were posting you wished to harm or kill your son like she seems to think, then clearly I can see her concern, but she should be talking to you both not threatening social services.

How did she make the threat?

CallMeRachel · 05/02/2019 14:47

Did you screenshot what she posted about you?

If I were you I'd book an appointment with the HV and tell her what has happened. Be honest with her about how you've been feeling (only so you get the right help and support) and tell her your worried this woman will cause trouble for you.

Hopefully the HV will make sure your notes are fully up to date with how you're moving forward and can offer some reassurance that SW won't be swooping in to take your baby away. Because they won't. PND is common and there's help out there.

Don't let that toxic POS damage your mental health any more than she has already.

Regarding FB - it's fine to want to raise awareness of PND, but posting saying you feel or felt like harms yourself is really alarming for people reading that and most I would think, naturally would be concerned for the safety of your child too.

Don't disclose things like that on SM. Keep things like that for the doctor and HV.

I hope you get support and enjoy your baby.

AcrossthePond55 · 05/02/2019 14:49

Well, it's good that your PiLs have her measure. They will therefore understand completely when you and DH decline their invitations if she is invited.

I wouldn't be in the same room as her for love nor money.

kindlyplay · 05/02/2019 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

UnchangedFaces321 · 05/02/2019 14:57

Who pissed in your cereal this morning? I was asking a genuine question about whether I can report her for blackmail.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 05/02/2019 15:01

It's not really blackmail to be fair op, blackmail is threatening something to be able to be able to extort something,

This is simply a threat, but it seems to be based on thenfact shes thinking you threatened to kill your child. I have no idea why she thinks that though it's very odd.

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