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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset about this friendship issue?

87 replies

MrsTWH · 05/02/2019 12:00

I’ll try to keep this brief...!

There are a group of 6 school mums that have been friendly since Reception (now in Year 5). In the last year, my child and one of the other children have not been getting along at all (in fact I’d go as far as to say the other child has been bullying mine) so we don’t force them together out of school. I don’t let it affect the way I behave with the other parent even though it has caused friction, because I am an adult.

So I tried to organise a night out last week, sent messages to all the mums as we haven’t been out for quite a while. Not one of the 5 mums responded. Fair enough. I was texting the one Mum I’m closest to to express I was disappointed not to even get one “thanks but no thanks” message from anyone in the group. She replied that I shouldn’t take it personally, that everyone is just busy and that they’re all going out next weekend anyway. I asked what she meant and she said the Mum of the child we’ve had issues with organised a night out but that I’m the only one not invited and “it’s not a big deal”.

AIBU to think actually it is personal and pretty crappy? I would never exclude one person from a group event like that. WIBU not to bother with any of them again or is that childish of me? I know I can be pretty over sensitive at times.

OP posts:
BrightYellowHat · 05/02/2019 12:21

Wow - that's pretty grim and very upsetting for you.
Not sure what to say - but it doesn't sound as if they are actually your friends any more.

Satonsofasad · 05/02/2019 12:28

I would piss them right off. They are awful. You know you are better then that.

One day they will just all be 'people that you used to know'

Redskyandrainbows67 · 05/02/2019 12:32

That’s awful. I think you need to speak to the mum. She might think your child has been bullying hers- bullies often pretend they are the victim. You need to grab her for coffee and talk about it directly.

Redskyandrainbows67 · 05/02/2019 12:33

Ps I would also let the other mums know how upset you are - it is a big deal and you are right to be upset. Make sure they know that by going they are also upsetting you.

mummmy2017 · 05/02/2019 12:34

Have you found out where they are going...
I'd love to turn up.

Original poster
MrsTWH · 05/02/2019 12:36

Yes RedSky, that has happened. We’ve all been into school about it and they seem to agree with my child’s version of events (although my child is no angel either, we’ve dealt with it). We’ve met for coffee previously and she ended up screaming at me. Not keen to repeat the experience! But I still wouldn’t leave her out of a group event.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsTWH · 05/02/2019 12:38

You’re right though, I guess we will all go our separate ways.

Is it controlling to be upset with the others for going along with this? They have every right to be friends with whoever they want and to go out with whoever they want. It does feel like they’ve picked a side when I wasn’t aware there were sides to be picked!

OP posts:
greendale17 · 05/02/2019 12:39

You’ve lost this friendship group OP. They didn’t reply because of guilt that they left you out of their social. Ditch them and move on.

Cismyfatarse1 · 05/02/2019 12:41

And the bully child clearly has a mother who is not averse to a few bullying tactics herself.

Original poster
MrsTWH · 05/02/2019 12:41

Ah bugger, I knew it would come to this. 2018 was a shitty year for us (DH almost died and was in ICU for weeks) and only one of them was there for me. I shouldn’t have tried so hard for so long. They’re not my friends are they?!

OP posts:
Morgan12 · 05/02/2019 12:41

Some woman seem to actually be incapable of growing up.

I'd say you are a tad hurt by not being invited and that you, being a fully grown adult, would not deliberately leave one person out due to issues with children. But I wouldn't take it any further than this. The woman is showing herself up and I'm sure the other mums will see this.

Dangerous game to play. Children are fickle. They could end up being best friends one day.

BookwormMe2 · 05/02/2019 12:47

It's not controlling to be upset, it's human. You thought these other women were your friends and they've chosen to take her side, which implies they believe your child was at fault too. I'd be so upset if that were me. You've only got a year left before the kids go to secondary and playground friendships will be far less important. Grit your teeth, don't let the ringleader know you're upset and spend time with real friends, because these women aren't that. Flowers

Moondancer73 · 05/02/2019 12:47

Very upsetting. I've been in much the same situation. My son was in a school we had had bullying issues but I'd tried to maintain a friendship with the mother of one of the boys involved.
Anyway, we had a night out after I moved my son to a new school and she was vile to me all evening, on the way home I almost told her to stop the car I could walk home and after that they all just stopped making contact.
It's tough but honestly, cut your losses - they don't sound worth bothering with

Drum2018 · 05/02/2019 12:48

Stupid bitches. As for the bitch you did hear from who said it was no big deal you weren't invited - bin her for a start! Life is too short to put up with that crap. Try to find some other grown up friends and leave these c*nts in the playground where they belong.

ChasedByBees · 05/02/2019 12:49

That is really hurtful from all of them. Flowers

EwItsAHooman · 05/02/2019 12:49

This sounds exactly like a group of mums I know and if it is the same group then her child is known for being a sly bully and she is known for constantly minimising and excusing his behaviour. The other mums probably aren't fully aware of the situation because she'll have told them it's all you and the ones who were on the fence will have been given a firm push off onto her side because she's very good at bringing people around to her side.

Even if it's not the same group I know, the advice is the same - fuck them. People who act like that aren't your friends.

Redskyandrainbows67 · 05/02/2019 12:50

You are def better off without them.

Missingstreetlife · 05/02/2019 12:52

Very nasty women. Sorry op.

queribus · 05/02/2019 12:54

I could've written your post - I've experienced the same thing. School, dealt with bullying but one mum has ignored me, screamed at me in the street and is trying to alienate me. It's very upsetting.

Sadly, shes just one of those parents who can't accept that their children ever do anything wrong. It will come back to haunt them one day.

Ellie56 · 05/02/2019 12:56

You're better off without these bitchy, overgrown schoolgirls. Find some real grown ups to be friends with.

Original poster
MrsTWH · 05/02/2019 12:58

Thanks for the support, it’s reassuring that others would feel upset in my shoes too.

Ew, probably not the same group but I suspect exactly the same thing has gone on here!

I’d kind of be ok if they all said, you know what I think it’s best if we don’t have any contact rather than being fake friends. It’s the fakeness that annoys me so much.

OP posts:
FishCanFly · 05/02/2019 12:59

disgusting. no wonder the child is a little shit because the mother is a cow.

BrightYellowHat · 05/02/2019 12:59

On the up side, at least you now know where you stand and you don't need to waste any more of your time with them.

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 05/02/2019 13:01

This is horrible, no wonder her kid is a bully. The other women seem vile. Look after yourself, and find some nice friends soon :) Kind people who have good speech and thought and are caring.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 05/02/2019 13:02

Oh that’s utterly shit OP

Don’t bother with them any longer, fake friends the lot of them