To judge this behaviour - driving when could walk

[foreverderbyshire]

I suspect that I'll be told I am but here goes!

A 13yo girl lives next door to us. She is fit and healthy, no mobility problems. Her school is a 10minute walk from her house. I'd do it in less than that, but I do walk fast. The walk is along residential streets, crossing one main road, that has both a zebra and pelican crossing.
The drive, however, is more than twice the distance, due to ours and most of the other streets around here, being blocked to cars at one end.
Her mum (or sometimes her friend's mum) gives her a lift to school every morning. She seems to walk home though (not always around at home time).
I think the parents are setting a really bad example to their daughter. There is no reason for her not to walk to school most days. We live in an area where lots of infrastructure has been put in place to discourage driving and encourage walking and cycling, hence the roads being blocked off. I used to cycle past her school on my way to drop DD at nursery. It's s five minute ride. I accept though that not everyone is comfortable on a bike.
I know people will say it's not my business / problem. But, that's one extra big engined car (it's a very large 4x4) sitting in traffic outside my kids school in the morning (DD's school is on one of the roads they'll drive down and is notorious for getting snarled up) so I feel that is IS my business, in a way.
AIBU to judge the parents? They're enabling her behaviour and aren't setting her up for a healthy outlook towards activity, and why if you can walk, then you probably should.
Right, I've got my hard hat on...

Looking at the big picture, there's an awful lot of children that are being driven to school that really don't need to be. It adds to congestion and pollution and contributes to child and adult obesity. I suspect the Op is getting a hard time because people know they shouldn't be driving their kids so are on the defensive.

MissEliza probably has it spot on.

Lots of reasons why a teenager might be given lifts to school, and any one of them could be bang on the money. You shouldn't be judging, OP. However. I remember that I used to take DS1 on a 20 minute walk to primary school, and every morning we'd be 3 quarters of the way there and I'd see parents loading little Billy and Jane into their car and driving them about 300m up the road then scouting round for somewhere to park. It fascinated me. Pretty much everywhere was back down the road so it wasn't a case of school being on the way to work for any of them.

MissEliza has hit thr nail on the head.

But I do like a bit of Mumsnet whataboutery. Take a fairly simple situation, accept some situations might be exceptions and then sit back and wait for the whataboutery to begin.

E.g.
Poster - MIL was really rude last time we visted.
Reply - but what about if she had dementia and you're too busy judging to stop and think

Poster - one of my colleagues was a dick and really undermined me today in a meeting.
Reply - they were probably autistic. Do you always judge people for not being neurotypival

Poster - in a bit concerned that my child is being bullied. A couple of students have been unkind and they seem to be following a ring leader (bully) who is very disruptive in class. School don't seem to be doing anything.
Reply - what if the chikd you're labelling a bully had mental health issues or special needs and you're expecting them to behave like an average child.

God we all bloody walked to school until fairly recently

I'm in my 40s and hardly anyone walked to my secondary school, but I suppose it wasn't really in a residential area so most people weren't really within easy walking distance. It was bus or car for most people.

If you want to know, go around and ask them. You'll have all the answers you need to know 😂

Stop stalking small children.

YANBU and for everyone saying it’s none of your business, it is the OP’s business - as parents and a society as a whole we should be doing far less driving and making our towns and cities so congested and polluted. The selfishness of people amazes me when it comes to their cars!

Not just the pollution either...

”More than 1,000 children a month are being injured on local roads around British schools, insurance industry figures indicate.”
www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-23899232

Really not surprised given the number of drivers on my local school run who treat it like a competition in Mario Kart.

YABU - now it could be that there is no reason for the girl being driven. But if you were my neighbour I wouldn't have told you about my DCs SN or MH issues that mean they need to be driven to school, or have shared about bullying or any other issues. Especially with a teenager, that kind of information is private and my DC would all hate for their "private information" to be gossiped about.
Your neighbour could just be mindlessly polluting the environment - but equally her DD could be suffering with Glandular fever or CFS or...

Mumsnet whataboutery

I’d think she might have been playing truant and therefore a parent ensures she gets there in the morning. But there could be any number of reasons.

9/10 my kids bike the 10 mins to school (35 min walk) but I will drop them off if it's pissing down or when they have ingredients and a ceramic dish for food tech + PE kit + model project etc etc - too much to physically carry.

They always make their own way back. Being wet from rain is a totally different kettle of fish when you can get changed into dry clothes as soon as home.

I think they should be judged and its all of our business.

It adds congestion to the roads and pollution in our air.

We are all being affected by this girls laziness.

My DS is 12 and quite frankly, in his own world most of the time. It doesn't matter so much what time he gets home, but it does matter when he gets to school. So, DP drops him off, on his way to work, then DS walks home. He takes and hour and a half to walk just over a mile and a quarter.

DD was badly bullied. If I had been able to drive, I would have dropped her off and picked her up, to protect her from the main bully and her mother. As it is, I can't. DP is in work at school chuck out, so we chose to pull DD out of school and she is currently home educated.

It's wrong to judge an individual and decide you know their personal situation.

It's not wrong to look at how many cars do the school run, look at school catchment and think 'there's a lot more cars here than people who couldn't get to school another way'.

Just look at all the school parking threads where some posters say they arrive at school 30-40minutes early to get parked near the school, how many people have experienced traffic issues caused by endless cars at pickup, how many people seem to feel entitled to block residents in etc so their cherub doesn't have to walk 300 yards. The sad reality is that the default for quite a lot of people is to drive even the shortest distance out of laziness.

YANBU and for everyone saying it’s none of your business, it is the OP’s business - as parents and a society as a whole we should be doing far less driving and making our towns and cities so congested and polluted.

Which is why I've told op to go around there and demand their daughter, who she knows nothing about, to walk to school...

I also hope OP makes it her business to accost other people who she sees going the same..could be fun at the school gates.

doing*

Very sensible post Maisypops. I live in front of a school and have seen all kinds of bad parking and driving over the years. This year my favourite villains are the mum who parks on the yellow zig zags with her engine running while she tests her ds on spellings and times tables and the chav woman who parks her big 4 by 4 on double yellow lines on a corner so no one pulling out can see anything, despite there being free spaces elsewhere.

MissEliza
And yet mumsnet whataboutery on the right thread could get the response 'how do you not know the mum doesn't have anxiety and so needs to park as close to the school gates in their Chelsea tractor preferably in a way making it unsafe for children to cross the road. What you claim is an obstruction and parking on the zig zags is actually someone who has spent 2 hours bringing themselves to do the school run. Maybe her child had a hidden disability that means a few hundred children's safety should be compromised by insanely irresponsible parking. She may well have been rude when school came out to remind parents to part with consideration but she's not an entitled arsehole, she may be on the spectrum'.
Meanwhile on most mumsnet threads and in real life people would roll their eyes and think 'wanker'

YABU. This family don’t need to explain themselves or justify their behaviour to you because you consider yourself morally superior. You have no idea why they drive their daughter, and they are not obliged to tell you. It is harmful to speculate in this manner calling her lazy. As a teen I had to stop walking to the bus stop and catching the bus in the mornings, instead my mum drove me to school for my safety. It was due to a shock medical diagnosis. Other people weren’t made aware until I had more tests at the hospital and felt able to cope.

Don't judge. My DD appears to be healthy and able but is currently suffering with mental health issues that leave her exhausted. I encourage her to walk atleast one journey a day but sometimes she's just not able to both mentally and physically.

MaisyPops . I'll remember that next time she draws me daggers when I dare to look at her as she gets out of her massive BMW. I must be more thoughtful of others (slaps self on wrist)

misseliza
So you should. Nobody could ever just be an inconsiderate arsehole in life and behave in a way that annoys other. There has to be a hidden reason for it.