To ask what do you do for YOU?

[passthejammydodgers]

Regular but have name changed.

I have a 5yo and a 4 month old baby. Currently on Mat leave but will be going back to work 4 days a week in a job that I love but can be stressful and emotionally draining as it involves working with very vulnerable people.

I have been diagnosed with PND and was recently asked the question "so what do you do for YOU?" by a psychiatrist at an appointment. I'm sorry to say I couldn't think of anything and it hit me that gradually, over the years, my life has become all about work and kids. I know that's not healthy and it needs to change if I'm going to get well and stay well.

The problem is, if I suddenly had time to myself I don't even know what I would do with it! I used to read a lot and go to the cinema regularly before having DC but that fell by the wayside.

I've always been quite introverted and at the moment I'm craving time alone rather than wanting to go to groups and meet people. DH works long hours during the week so I don't have the opportunity to do much in the evenings but he would be happy to give me a break at weekends. He frequently offers but I always decline out of feeling guilty or simply not knowing what to do with myself.

Interested to here about your hobbies, self-care tips and just general things you do to make yourself feel better when life with work, kids etc all feels too much.

Thanks.

Weekly yoga consistently helps to balance me and clear my mind, along with the pub quiz and going to the gym, but it's been a struggle to put myself first at times. I also do my nails once a week.

Cycling when the weather's nice. Cross stitch is relaxing and empties my mind. There's something very soothing about sewing.

Why don't you start reading and going to the cinema again?
I've just bought a jigsaw roll, I don't care that my husband thinks I'm a saddo, I love a good puzzle. Something to do other than stare at my phone once the kids are in bed.

Yoga. I was skeptical about the benefits but I went to a class and loved it.

I do it regularly at home now (prefer it at my own pace!).

I love reading so I'd say that was something I do for me. I adore cooking too, though I leave the washing up for DH....

Gym classes, running, yoga, enjoying a new book with a big bar of chocolate, having my nails done, a nice long hot bath, getting a takeaway and having a few glasses of wine with my friends, an early night!

If I start neglecting all of these things it's usually a sign my mental health is deteriorating.

Can you just go and sit in a library and read for an hour or so?
(Some people say coffee shops but (a) that's ££ and (b) noisy and you can't get stuck into a good book there with all the coming and going)

Also as pp says, things like yoga and led meditation may be good for helping you clear out some headroom. Alternatively a full-on sport /complex handicraft/similar activity you might enjoy where you have no choice but to focus on just that?

(waiting for some to suggest the MN Golden Egg of "spa day" )

Go on mumsnet, keep up to date with current affairs, research make up and skin care online, shopping for new outfits, shoes and accessories, get hair styled. Buy/Make delicious snacks and chocolates.

I exercise but it is a chore. I don't do it for me but to keep healthy.

Run three times a week. With a group but eventually I always split off and run alone. Have extremely long baths. Mumsnet.

Are there any bookshops near you with cafes or nooks you could sit in and relax?

Why don't you start reading and going to the cinema again?

I have tried so many times to take myself off upstairs with a book and a cuppa to relax for an hour but I can always hear the kids downstairs and I just find it impossible to switch off. If I try to read in the evenings then I just fall asleep! Maybe I could leave the kids with DH and take my book to a coffee shop for a bit at the weekend.

Trying to pluck up the courage to go to the cinema on my own but worried it'll look a bit odd

I write books. Amazed how many ppl who piss me off, meet with horrible ends in my books.... very therapeutic.
Also garden and sew.

I go to a weekly exercise class and make sure I go for at least 30-45 min walk outside every day.

I win the golden egg because I have a monthly membership to a local spa songo once per month (sometimes with friends and sometimes alone).

I love reading but my concentration span has gone kaput since having kids and mental health issues. So I try to read one book per month, and it’s working. I read more than that last year and want to keep that up.

I go to the cinema. I really like the National Theatre Live events so I go to those alone every few months.

Once every couple of weeks on a sunday eve, I do a hair and face mask and paint my nails. Self care is always my first thing to go when I’m on a downward slope.

Go to the cinema on your own, it's the nicest thing! Who gives a toss how you look? You're only going to sit in the dark for a few hours! A mid-afternoon matinee by yourself is especially delicious, like you're sandwiched between big chunks of time and there's no rush and very few people and cheap tickets!

Going to a choir is also a lovely thing to do - find a nice local community one, there will be zero expectations of ability, no need to sing in front of people etc - it really lifts the spirit and takes no commitment other than turning up.

An alternative to finding things to do out of the house is getting DH to take kids out on a weekend morning/afternoon, so you have the house to yourself. Works quite well for us!

I write books. Amazed how many ppl who piss me off, meet with horrible ends in my books.... very therapeutic

That sounds great, MrsRussell. I used to write short stories in my teens/when I was at uni but haven't thought about it in years. Not sure I'd know where to start now.

Definitely go to the cinema! I don't think it's odd at all (and, frankly, nuts to those who think otherwise).

I consider solo cinema trips to be a rare but wonderful pleasure (for me at least). No arguments about what to see, and you don't have to share your snacks ;-)

I have even been known to go for a double bill on occasion. Good times.

Go to the cinema by yourself, loads of people go!

Now we have a baby DH and I will go by ourselves rather than pay a babysitter so we can sit in silence next to each other :-)

I try and do 30 mins of yoga a day, sometimes the baby is next to me playing whilst I do it, a bath once a week, going to bed early so I can read my book for 30 mins.

Now baby is 6months old and not so reliant on frequent feeds I ve booked myself in for a monthly massage, I'm building myself up to the ubiquitous mumsnet spa day, maybe when she is 1.

Are you looking after your 5yo full time, by the way? If not, I would highly recommend parent-baby film screenings if you have one in your area. It saved my sanity on maternity leave.

Reading for me too. I went to the cinema once on my own during the day and it was great.

Another yoga fan here! I'm by no means lean and bendy, but it does help me chill out. There are a few YouTube videos I try (Yoga with Adrienne is a good channel). I've attended the occasional class, but the one at my local gym is more often than not oversubscribed.

I have a meditation app as well. I found it frustrating at first, but I now see it as more of an opportunity to stop and recognise just how busy my brain is before letting myself get too stressed.

Swimming has been a HUGE help. I set myself modest-ish targets then try to beat them.

If your husband is offering you the chance to take some you time, seize it and run like the wind with it! It could be useful to make a list of what you used to like doing (cinema and reading are great starts) or what your indulgences were and go for it.

Try listening to Gretchen Rubin and Dan Harris's podcasts (or read their books). They're not always ridiculously inspirational, but occasionally I'll listen to one and a useful technique for relaxing or figuring out what to do with my time will come up.

Oh yes, I second the parent-baby screenings.

And download the Headspace app. You can do just a few minutes and it makes a difference.

I walk my dogs.

I read and watch box sets on my ipad with headphones - at least I am in the same room as DH when this happens.

I spend money on myself - clothes, horse riding lessons, private yoga classes, massages and pedicures. But I have my own money, I don't spend "family" finances on these things.

I swim or gym at least 3 times a week.

I have a tight group of local girlfriends and we meet regularly for drinks.

But my children are 12 and 14 so I have a lot more disposable time than I did when they were smaller.

Mog 5yo is at school during the day. Our local cinema doesn't do baby friendly screenings unfortunately. Relieved to hear so many of you go to the cinema on your own and enjoy it though. Am definitely going to give that a go

Cinema on my own is great if it's a film I really want to see.

Audio books might work for you?

I get my nails done, go to an exercise class and yoga and try to go out once a month with friends. Its taken ages to work out that these things help me be a nicer mum and happier in general. I also really need time once a week to clean the house and change the sheets, oh and iron school uniforms as dull as it sounds it makes me feel ready for the week ahead otherwise I get stressed with demands of kids, work and life.

Crack on @jammydodgers! I used to write my books - and as an aside, I do have a "proper" publisher and I make enough money from writing to put petrol in the car and food in the cats every month, so it's a justifiable escape - sat on the bog with an iPad after DS and OH had gone to sleep.

What sort of stories do you/did you write?

I would like to join a gym but there wouldn't be much point as I'd only be able to go at weekends. DH doesn't get home til 8pm usually and by then I'm too shattered to anything but collapse in front of the TV.

Yoga at home might work though.