To ask what do you do for YOU?

[passthejammydodgers]

Regular but have name changed.

I have a 5yo and a 4 month old baby. Currently on Mat leave but will be going back to work 4 days a week in a job that I love but can be stressful and emotionally draining as it involves working with very vulnerable people.

I have been diagnosed with PND and was recently asked the question "so what do you do for YOU?" by a psychiatrist at an appointment. I'm sorry to say I couldn't think of anything and it hit me that gradually, over the years, my life has become all about work and kids. I know that's not healthy and it needs to change if I'm going to get well and stay well.

The problem is, if I suddenly had time to myself I don't even know what I would do with it! I used to read a lot and go to the cinema regularly before having DC but that fell by the wayside.

I've always been quite introverted and at the moment I'm craving time alone rather than wanting to go to groups and meet people. DH works long hours during the week so I don't have the opportunity to do much in the evenings but he would be happy to give me a break at weekends. He frequently offers but I always decline out of feeling guilty or simply not knowing what to do with myself.

Interested to here about your hobbies, self-care tips and just general things you do to make yourself feel better when life with work, kids etc all feels too much.

Thanks.

Yoga, a weekly class. I love the meditation at the end. I do a small amount of practise with the help of YouTube.

Read crappy magazines. I don’t watch any of the tv shows which the celebs are in, but love the random gossip.

Notcontent I'm so rubbish at taking time for myself but I'm really glad I started this thread as it's given me loads of ideas and made me realise that it's not something to feel guilty about. I hope there's something in one of these posts that might be doable for you.

Bought a horse when my youngest DD was 2, best thing I ever did, I felt like I was going INSANE! DD now 8 and I love my bunch of horsey mates.

I also work with vulnerable people. I'm in London and enjoy the hour (or more) commute.
I book an annual leave day now and again. But don't tell anyone and I don't cancel the childcareThen I spend it as please. Cinema, day at the beach, sewing, sleeping, shopping for frivolous nonsense, long walk, gardening (bliss😍) reading in bed that sort of thing.
My husband does it too. 😂

My DS is 3 months old. My husband and I both have Limitless Odeon cards at £205 a year. We take it in turns to see a film and then we can chat about it! I go alone almost every week and I'm never the only person on my own.

I also like a

Continued... I also like a long bath with a book. With the door closed.

I go to the cinema once a week with my friend. I read on my commute. Pilates. Netflix box sets.

I'm a member of Ladies Circle and we meet up twice a month for 2-3 hrs , I have 30 minutes to myself once a week when my daughter is at her dance class - which I spend having a hot chocolate. I buy nice body cream for myself and hide it so it lasts longer!

I run. Park run or just round the lanes. It gives me half an hour of fresh air, peace, no-one wanting anything from me, time to think or, even better, just put my brain in neutral.

Pilates three times a week
Wash and blowdry every couple of weeks
Shellac nails every 2 weeks
Full body massage every 2 weeks
Date night, meal and cinema once a week
Treat myself to lunch 2 days out of 5, and bring my lunch the other 3 days.
Buy myself a gift on each payday, it might be just a cheap lipstick or it could be a handbag, depending how tough I felt I had it in between being paid.

• Write short stories (when I have an idea).
• Read.
• Go for long walks around the neighborhood.
• Find a favorite song on YouTube and listen to it two or three times.
• Once in a great while, when the husband and children are away, sit down with some candy bars and DVDs of “CSI.”

I exercise.
And have found a great group to do it with, we go out for coffee after and we get to just be us. We talk about anything and everything.

I get DH to get take the kids out of the house so I can just potter about and do whatever I want. It's heaven.

In the early days he used to encourage me to "go out and have a break," but as a sleep-deprived new mum that just felt like a chore. Now he gets it though, and he likes having the house to himself too

Cycling and swimming
And seeing my friends
And when the weather is better gardening

Now
My
Kids are older they can entertain themselves
But as it’s always involves a screen 📺 I have to entertain them even more !

Watercolour painting. Requires little gear and set up space (although mine is spreading!)

You don’t need to think of it as just producing masterpieces, or being ‘good at art’. You can do online research/learning and inspiration (Pinterest). You can just swatch out your colours, or mix and test them. You can do little 10 minute doodles or a big piece that you pick up and put down multiple times across months. You can practice brushstrokes. You can listen to music or podcasts while you do it. You can hang out on art forums. You can just swirl pretty colours with no agenda at all.

I found it lifesaving and sanity saving. I can use as much or as little of my brain as I want, and it sometimes even produces beautiful art! There’s just so much therapeutic about it. And it satisfies the desperate introvert part of me, who suffered most since kids.

Alone with my paints ☺️🎨

If you are falling asleep every time you read you are probably exhausted. Which is not unusual with 4 month old!

I wanted to jump on the thread to say, finding stuff to do for yourself shouldn't be an extra stick to beat yourself with. I fretted with my second child that I wasn't getting back to hobbies, keeping fit, reading, come on come on no excuse...

I think sometimes children take so much out of you that when you start getting a little space back for yourself all you can do is just veg around and recover for a bit. Then the desire to do stuff comes back.

And your little one is so young, don't be cross with yourself if you don't get huge amounts of hobby things done. An hour's mental space is probably a great start.

Exercise - it's crucial for my mental health. I now part-cycle my commute (got a folding bike on the cycle to work scheme). I get up early and do the gym/yoga before work. Read. Get my hair done. Go shopping occasionally. See friends for drinks/dinner. This weekend the 4yo was driving me nuts so DH took the helm and I parked it in a coffee shop with my Kindle for a refreshing hour. In the evenings I sometimes knit or do my adult colouring book. I take part in a CSR project at work that means a lot to me.

I get you with the not being able to take yourself off upstairs bed as use you can hear kids. I started going to the swimming pool recently for an hour a week and was shocked at how it woke me up and brightened my week

And best of luck OP:)

Loads! But like you about two years ago I realised that I had completely lost myself and was just Mum and wife and was a bit miserable.

I bought a Limitless pass and now go to cinema once a week (on my own, it's the best). A couple of my friends and I started a mini book club where every now and then we try to read the same book and ever month or so we meet up for breakfast whilst the kids are at school. It doubles as an excuse to have catch up with my friends.

Most recently I realised how much I missed dancing so went back to tango lessons and found a few exercise classes locally that are danced based that I love. I am losing weight and having fun and smiling a lot more than I have in years.

Funnily the thing that seems to have made all these things possible (apart from DH doing a few more bed times than he used to) is bullet journaling. It has given me the motivation to be organised and consistent.

Yes, I do get the "not able to relax when you can hear the kids" thing - you've gotta get out of the house, OP. Ditch the pointless guilt, you're not making yourself a better mother by cutting yourself off from any possibility of self-renewal. It's good for your DH AND your kids for him to be left in charge for a bit.

My mum told that if it wasn't fun then I shouldn't do it. So I stopped seeing people who make me feel like its not fun. You know, the friend who leaves you waiting for an hour after you arranged to meet etc etc.

I make life easy for myself. I take taxis when it’s raining instead of walking or the overcrowded tube. When DH takes DS out I stay in bed for hours. I don’t look shop around if I’m tired, I buy what I need and go home. So what if I miss a bargain, I’ll never know it.

When I’m less tired I’ll do more stuff for me, right now it’s all about coping.

TBF when I had a 4 month old (and a 4 year old) there was no way I had time for myself or time to do “do things for me”.

When my youngest his 12 months it so that’s when I found I could pull back a bit and start taking out tome for me and doing things that interested me.

I remember the stage of felling like my whole life was nothing but the children and it was very difficult so I sympathise..

I book an annual leave day now and again. But don't tell anyone and I don't cancel the childcare. Then I spend it as please

This sounds amazing. I work term time only which is great from a childcare point of view so I know I'm lucky, but the downside is that it doesn't necessarily feel like a 'day off' because it's still spent looking after DC.