To ask what do you do for YOU?

[passthejammydodgers]

Regular but have name changed.

I have a 5yo and a 4 month old baby. Currently on Mat leave but will be going back to work 4 days a week in a job that I love but can be stressful and emotionally draining as it involves working with very vulnerable people.

I have been diagnosed with PND and was recently asked the question "so what do you do for YOU?" by a psychiatrist at an appointment. I'm sorry to say I couldn't think of anything and it hit me that gradually, over the years, my life has become all about work and kids. I know that's not healthy and it needs to change if I'm going to get well and stay well.

The problem is, if I suddenly had time to myself I don't even know what I would do with it! I used to read a lot and go to the cinema regularly before having DC but that fell by the wayside.

I've always been quite introverted and at the moment I'm craving time alone rather than wanting to go to groups and meet people. DH works long hours during the week so I don't have the opportunity to do much in the evenings but he would be happy to give me a break at weekends. He frequently offers but I always decline out of feeling guilty or simply not knowing what to do with myself.

Interested to here about your hobbies, self-care tips and just general things you do to make yourself feel better when life with work, kids etc all feels too much.

Thanks.

My children are now both at school and I work 2 days a week so I have 3 school days to myself (obviously I do some housework/chores/food shopping/batch cooking) I also volunteer for a couple of hours a week. I also had PND and I'm an introvert. I exercise once or twice a week to help my mood and to try and keep healthy. I try to allow one of the days for doing something for me. My passions are films and books. I go to the cinema on my own quite often. I absolutely love it! I also watch films in the house, read books and occasionally meet up with friends for lunch/coffee.
Get out there and rediscover something for you OP! You deserve it x

I do three different gym classes a week, and try and go for a walk every day as well (I'm walking the dog so technically a chore but it's when I do my best thinking and blow the cobwebs away. I'm also trying to lose weight, doing Slimming World, my food diary has evolved into a bit of a journal where I record my mood, what worrying me, what's made me happy etc as I know I'm an emotional eater so I'm trying to eliminate it. Writing it down gives me an outlet. I also go away with friends for a weekend twice a year for a hobby we all enjoy, not forgetting doing the hobby (think arts & crafts) when I get the time.

Running. I leave the house with chaotic thoughts all charging about my head and I return an hour later all calm and serene.

I love books (you should be able to tell by my name). I sometimes do get a bit of readers block sometimes but one thing I do like to do is rummage through charity shops and car boot sales for books that catch my eye - a book I may of read years before and haven't seen a copy of for years, ones to complete a set of all time favourites, ones by an author that I have heard of but never read etc. It sometimes leads to me researching about writers or reading /writing reviews. It can be very cheap and you may end up with an interesting collection (which is easy to return to a charity shop if you need too). If you become a regular you will find yourself chatting to sellers. You could even get away with taking the baby with you if needs be - until he/she can talk and say "want this buy this" to everything and then baby has to stay home!

I do yoga at home every day, run when I can, am in a choir and try and make time a couple of times a month to see friends.

I have a horse, they take all your time and money so whilst I love her and couldn’t live without a horse in my life I’m not sure I’d recommend it as a hobby.
It ensures plenty of me time though-at least 11 hours a week. But it equates to about £11/hr too.

I used to do nothing for me. Went on for years. Never went anywhere or did anything.
Now I:

Go on trekking holidays
Go walking (to prepare for above)
Doing an MA (not for work/career, just for me)
Write novels
Go to the cinema 3 or 4 times a week
Get my hair done
Get my nails done

Basically, I've stopped putting me last.

Mind you, I did have to get divorced to do it. But it was worth it!

I used to sit in the library reading all the expensive magazines (you cannot take them home to read).
I used to swim, cycle, bake, garden or read.
Now, the best thing I've done for me is to negotiate 4 half days into 3 longer days at
Work 😁
Needed to for my mental health.

I have one child, no partner and I work part-time so I have plenty of time to myself. I have a lot of creative hobbies that I love, these take up most of my free time. I also go to conventions, shopping and days out on my own. I spend about half a hour a day doing my make-up and hair. I cycle and walk a lot and spend quite a bit of time on the internet, reading and watching films. I think I have a good balance. I would not like to work full-time, live with a partner or have more children. If things did get too much for me I would have some early nights, increase my vegetables and find something fun do at the weekend.

Adult ballet, meeting friends, reading and long baths. My kids are older now though. When they were little the answer was probably not very much.

Buckets of alone time whenever & whenever - a country pub with a book by the fire, a cafe, a hotel room when I’ve saved enough. One day I will have a shed all to myself with a log burner & a big comfy chair. Meditation, swimming, massage, diy mani/pedi, make candles, jigsaws, reading & work books, writing, puzzles/cross words. I do too much for me really but need it to maintain my sanity!

Truthfully not a great deal and as a training counsellor I completely appreciate the benefits of self care!
I have an obligation to undertake personal therapy which I have found immeasurably helpful and have doubled the required hours.
I walk the dog which sounds like a household job but it's peaceful and I enjoy it.
Other then that I don't have a lot of time between studying, placement, work and family life but I try to set aside an hour here and there to do something simple like have a relax in the bath and read a (chapter/few pages) of a book.

A late night swim once a week- it's so quiet. Relaxing swim, long undisturbed shower afterwards, straight home and to bed.

Yoga once a week- more for the stretching and stillness at the end.

Paint my nails once a week.

Either Saturday or Sunday morning, stay in bed until 9/10 with coffee and book / dozing

Find one or two dates a month to see friends for coffee / wine / food

Not always easy and doesn't always happen but these are things I try to incorporate into life amongst the chaos!

Life is pretty full on at the moment so I don’t have a lot of time but once a week I have a really nice bath with a lush bath bomb and sometimes a face mask and I listen to a podcast

Thank you all so much. Lots of good ideas on this thread, including some that may not feasible atm due to lack of time and small children but have made a mental note for the future!

For now though

I have downloaded the Headspace app

I am determined to start writing again although I have no idea what about yet!

I will definitely go to the cinema alone next time there's a film on I want to see and I'm going to take myself off to a coffee shop on Sunday morning for a couple of hours with a good book and a slice of cake 🙂

It's tricky to fit in things like the gym, exercise classes or swimming but I do have a much neglected exercise bike at home that I'm going to dust off and try to do this maybe alternated with some Yoga while baby naps and eldest is at school.

@jammydodgers - PM me if you want to have a writing chat. Unless there's a Literary thread elsewhere for writung peeps!

I do sweet fa for myself. Not proud of that, just seem to have no time left.

I used to do lots of cycling, the bikes I have cannot take a child seat, so I have just purchased a cheap hardtail mtb and a rear child seat so I can go out with my 17 month old. The only other exercise I can do atm is walking.

I’ve always done a lot of volunteering, although it is (hopefully) benefitting other people it also gives me a huge amount of personal fulfilment and feeling of self worth. I have also made lots of lovely friends through volunteering. If you find the right thing you can also do loads with children, I used to deliver meals on wheels & drive old folks around & they loved meeting my baby!

I also love reading, long baths, spending time completely alone .

I listen to true crime podcasts whilst having very long baths, usually with expensive Lush products.

Also watching box sets on Netflix in bed with a bit chocolate. (I binged Sex Education and the last two series of Girls this way).

Read. I read a book a week. Sometimes a book a weekend.

Read. I read a book a week. Sometimes a book a weekend

I was the same before DC. Now if I take a book to bed with me I just fall asleep after reading a couple of pages...been trying to read the same book since DC2 was born!

I run! I have 4 children, the youngest 21months. I have never exercised in mylife before this but a friend persuaded me to do couch to 5k last year. I fell in love with running. All my life I’ve looked for something for ‘me’ and was envious of people who had something in their life they loved. Try it! It has been wonderful for me in so many ways

Very, very little. Which is why I am really not enjoying my life at the moment and suspect I am very depressed. So don’t be like me OP!

I do

Crotchet
Knitting
Pilates
Yoga
Get my nails done
Pedicure
Reading

I've carved this out of very little time. I have a demanding toddler and a demanding job! But I make myself take some time out for me and I do the same with DH so he gets down time too. Good for the soul!

I buy posh face cream. I make good tea and I wrote children’s books.