To feel mentally broken at leaving my DS in nursery?

[MissB83]

We had a bit of settling last week- it didn't go hugely well as he got very upset. I ended up just leaving him about 2 hours each time. He wasn't upset when I picked him up but he was a bit disturbed through the week.

Just left him screaming for his first full day (at 8am). Will ring at 11 and probably collect him around 2-3 so we can do something nice together.

I just feel completely exhausted and mentally broken. The experience of walking AWAY from him screaming and not being able to pick him up was so so hard. Now I feel crashed and flat and very weepy.

He's 11 months.

AIBU?!

Worsethingshappen: "You sound a bit stressed about this all. I dont want to anger you. I didn’t think that what I posted would be so inflammatory. Perhaps it’s transference or something?!"

Wonderfully passive aggressive. Have a nice day.

Went to get him at 3:30pm. He started crying when the doorbell rang! Not sure why. Once I picked him up he was just fine. Apparently had done ok, had two naps, milk, two meals and a snack, and not been too upset. Now he's at home playing happily with toys and pulling his books off the shelf (normal).

We will get there!

Oh god this is going to be me in a few months. I’m so anxious and scared that I’m considering just quitting my job. I just don’t think my daughter is ready and worry that this is going to happen- although it is reassuring to hear that it does get better after the initial settling in.

That’s a nice update MissB. Glad to hear he’s had an okay day!

Something which is really bothering me though...

When I got to pick him up I was asking about the day and said what did he have for lunch. She said, rice and fish. But he can't have fish! I told them before he started AND wrote it on the form; he's intolerant and it makes him sick. When I said but he didn't have fish surely? She then looked a bit shifty and said oh no he didn't have fish, just rice and vegetables. But then why say rice and fish?!

I've been keeping an eye on him, he seems ok but he has done a couple of little sicks

I'm not sure if she has lied to me????

Definitely remind the staff (and his keyworker in particular) that your son cannot have fish. You have written it on the form but since you are suspecting they gave your son fish, short of accusing nursery staff of lying, I would lay it on thick about how your son cannot have fish.

Is it possible to ask for a menu in advance so you can warn them at drop off? It sounds OTT but it is to be safe as the staff are looking after quite a few little ones and inevitably with the newbies, something might slip. Does not excuse it.

Was the shifty person his keyworker?

OP - I was where you are back in October and November. Honestly - DS has settled in so well now and no longer cries when being dropped off and always looks happy when I pick him up. He is more confident now than he was before. He is only 15 months and started just before his first birthday. It’s so so hard I know

I seen your update, it is heart wrenching but it will get easier, if he ate and slept he has done good.

What! I hope he’s okay and doesn’t get ill. Surely they’d know what he had for lunch?! Is he due to go in tomorrow?

The nursery we have gone for don’t provide food- which I thought was annoying but DD can’t have dairy so I’m starting to think that’s a good thing we can organise her meals.

The shifty person was the nursery manager so possibly she wasn't there at lunch time - I'm hoping it's an innocent confusion...

My baby's first day at childminder today. I skipped off to get him as was excited - he was happily asleep.
I'd be freaking out about him all day as he struggled at settling. Work was good but leaving him is horrible!

My twins (28 months) started nursery recently for two mornings a week. The second day I brought them home and one of them had a horrific nappy during his nap - they’re allergic to dairy and I haven’t seen a nappy like that since we cut it out. His eczema flared up too. I’m sure he had daft but they insist he didn’t - we’ve had no issues since though.

Dairy, not daft!

I returned to work full time in September because my employer refused to reduce my hours, so I went from 24/7 with my son to building him up to full time at nursery. It broke my heart at first and I felt like I wasn't a proper mum anymore. It has got a bit better, only because he's absolutely thriving there and I know it's nurturing and stimulating for him. He's so confident, content and happy. Their tears quickly go once they find things to explore at nursery and it makes you appreciate the time you do have together. Weekends and holidays in our house are busy and we really make the most of the precious time together. Be strong, ride it out, because it does get easier. X

Nursery manager probably just reeled off what was on the menu, key worker would have made sure he didn't have the fish part? Tell them he was sick so you're worried he got hold of some fish off another child's plate and see what they say?