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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you go on holiday somewhere were you can't drink?

111 replies

sockz · 03/02/2019 12:53

So our DS is 21 this year, and as his special birthday treat we were going to pay for him and his partner to go to LA or NYC for a week. The thing is, the only time he can do due to university commitments is when his partner will still be 20. And so the partner won't be able to drink. We'd be paying for him too. (The drinking age in the US is 21+)

Aibu about this, as they won't be able to go to bars, or go out. Nor can they drink wine over dinner which they do as are quite mature. They spend a fair amount of their chill time in bars with just a glass of wine. OR perhaps in their flat too..
With brexit, we don't really want to risk booking anything in Europe, and everything in March is cold in Europe, so may as well go somewhere with museums and culture/ new experience.

OP posts:
Chewbecca · 03/02/2019 13:29

I don't think we can possibly answer though, this is a personal view - only the people involved can tell you what they think and that is all that matters.

Bestseller · 03/02/2019 13:30

Surely the best way to choose a holiday they'll enjoy is to ask them?

I think the responses about being "invested" because OP is paying are telling. Gifts aren't supposed to work like that.

juneau · 03/02/2019 13:30

NYC is freezing in March - I wouldn't go there at that time of year (and I used to live there, so I know!)

LA would be fun and warm and if you DS is 21 he can buy alcohol and they can take it back to their hotel/apartment and drink there, if having a drink is something they enjoy to do. But please ask them and if they say they want to go to bars and enjoy the nightlife what about somewhere like Cyprus or Israel? I'm pretty sure both would be gay-friendly destinations if they stick to the larger resorts/cities.

mysteryfairy · 03/02/2019 13:32

Just to back what fruitpastille mentioned my DS1 who has an early December birthday was able to drink from pretty much turning 20 due to 1/12 v 12/1 confusion - this happened whilst a student at a US university and worked in all the places he travelled to playing sport and also in NYC.

TrendyNorthLondonTeen · 03/02/2019 13:34

"I don't think I am too invested, I'm the one working to pay for this and so want them to enjoy it ..."

Then ask them if/where they want to go??

DarlingNikita · 03/02/2019 13:35

Well, what do they think? Have you asked them?

As an aside, CanYou, Montreal sounds amazing! I've had vague designs on going there for a while. This is a dim question, but does everyone speak French and should visitors speak French?

MrLovebucket · 03/02/2019 13:35

I was also going to suggest the Canaries - Tenerife and Gran Canaria are usually in the low 70's in March.

Not sure how much there is to do on the islands but they seem quite LGBT friendly

theculturetrip.com/europe/spain/articles/the-7-most-lgbt-friendly-places-to-visit-in-gran-canaria/

Original poster
sockz · 03/02/2019 13:36

Had a look at the other suggestions. DS has done Israel on birthright. DS is an architecture student and so looooves the design of cities. Berlin is looking good too actually.

Lots of other cities sound good, just the flights are very expensive, and we are stretching ourselves as it is. Thanks though :)

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 03/02/2019 13:36

Berlin is a brilliant place.

BettyDuMonde · 03/02/2019 13:37

US is very strict on ‘carding’ (door staff will want to see photo ID before they are even allowed through the door). They won’t be able to go to bars, nightclubs or gigs, which will be half the fun of an LGBT friendly trip to the US.

Would your son be willing to delay the birthday trip until his boyfriend is also 21? It would still be a birthday gift, but book it for later?

Flights to San Francisco likely more pricey but that would be my recommendation for two young G lads, preferably in spring/summer months.

Most big US cities will be LGBT friendly now, even the ones in the south. I love Atlanta - just stay away from the smaller cities in the Bible Belt.

anxiousbundle · 03/02/2019 13:38

Everyone assuming the sons partner is a girl! the op clearly said him!Hmm

I think it sounds lovely you're so invested in making sure it's a great trip for them both @sockz Thanks

Personally I don't drink (I'm also 20) so wouldn't bother me, but I think they are a lot stricter there regarding even going in bars at certain times if you're underage?

Like someone else said, is Canada an option as the age there is 18. Or a nice sun city break maybe?

BettyDuMonde · 03/02/2019 13:39

Berlin is very cool at present, very arty. Lots of young people from all over Europe have migrated there - I know lots of Dutch and Danish people in Berlin, presently.

CoughLaughFart · 03/02/2019 13:41

Berlin is one of the most LGBT-friendly cities in the world - but I’ve been in March and it was freezing. Not necessarily a problem, but you mentioned the weather so thought it was worth flagging!

CoughLaughFart · 03/02/2019 13:43

I think the responses about being "invested" because OP is paying are telling. Gifts aren't supposed to work like that.

Telling of what? She hasn’t said ‘I’ll only pay if they go where I think they should go’.

DCIJackieDeering · 03/02/2019 13:44

I went to the States when I was 20, it was really frustrating, they were all really strict, especially in places like Vegas.

Another vote for Berlin here, amazing city. Otherwise what about heading east to Hong Kong?

CanYouHearThePeopleSing · 03/02/2019 13:45

@DarlingNikita - most things were in French and English (menus, signs etc). French definitely/noticably the first language, but most people spoke English. We speak v little french (GCSE, 20+ years ago!) and were just fine.

chemenger · 03/02/2019 13:50

It’s relevant there but not all of Canada has a drinking age of 18, it varies by province, Toronto is 19, Montreal is 18.

SluggishSnail · 03/02/2019 13:50

Lots of places in the USA ID you on admission, so regardless of drinking alcohol or not, there are lots of places they wouldn't be able to go.
What about Amsterdam for a long weekend? Lots to do, cheap to get to, liberal and tolerant.....(yes, I know it's in Europe)

chemenger · 03/02/2019 13:51

I meant to say “it’s not relevant here”

trancepants · 03/02/2019 13:52

The main thing I would worry about if you ask them is that they will say it's fine that they can't drink and choose a US destination. While assuming that it will be no big deal for the 21yo to order drinks for both of them. I know that's what I'd have planned at that age.

I wouldn't have understood for one second just how puritanical and punitive America can be about adult 'minors' drinking alcohol. We're used to a culture that is easygoing about alcohol and the worst thing that will usually happen if you get caught drinking under age, is being brought home to your parents. I have a friend who had a beer in the US a few months before he was 21, was arrested, deported and 20 years on has never been able to get permission to return. They could do something innocent and silly that could have a lasting effect for the rest of their lives. I'd just talk to them about Montreal or Asia. Or as a previous poster has said, Brexit could just as likely cause problems with all air traffic. The UK relies on EU air traffic agreements for most of it's global air traffic and they may all be gone on March 30th. An EU destination may actually be a lot easier to return from.

Jaxhog · 03/02/2019 13:52

They will both be asked for id. Places in the US were still asking me for ID until I was in my mid 30s! Don't let them risk getting caught with a fake id - they'll be banned from going back.

Ask him and his partner. Or pick somewhere else.

DarlingNikita · 03/02/2019 13:55

Thanks, CanYou. I have a similar level of 'proficiency' in French!

welshmountainlovely · 03/02/2019 13:57

Costa Rica! Impossible to get bored, there is sooooo much to do and see. And beer is really cheap Grin

Winegumaddict · 03/02/2019 13:58

I don't think the not drinking is a problem but lots of bars won't even let you in. A trip to the USA at 20 is quite restricting. We went to Vegas when my DSis was 21 and we were both carded everywhere and there were certain shows etc. Where you had to be 21 to get in even if you drank coke all night.

MrLovebucket · 03/02/2019 13:58

Everyone assuming the sons partner is a girl!

Three people, not "everyone" Hmm

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