About my attitude to this money? (Sorry, long post!)

[welshmountainlovely]

Can I start by saying this post is not a stealth boast, I am hugely aware of how lucky I am.
Will give some background; when we first met,DH owned a flat outright, and had a big chunk of savings.
I moved in with him, and paid for food, contributed to nights out etc. No contribution to the running of the flat (his idea as I was on a low salary at the time).
We got married, and had our DC's. We then moved house into the house we will stay possibly for ever. The house was paid for by DH taking out a small mortgage on the flat, his savings, my (small amount of) savings. The house legally belongs to both of us. It has no mortgage. We had a bit of money left over. We don't have a joint account, but the money we have is split between his and my accounts
The flat was rented for a while, which covered the mortgage. No profit was made (just so you can see dh isn't a money grabbing landlord!)
He's recently sold it, so now has as not unsubstantial amount of cash in the bank again.
To my AIBU finally! There is quite a bit of stuff that needs to be done to our current home to make it nice. Not fancy, but a home we can take pride in. I reckon we need to spend about 10grand.
DH has always been exceptionally careful with money. Its due to this that we are mortgage free so I feel very lucky. But, he doesn't really like spending money on "things" (furniture, for example) as he thinks our kids will ruin it etc.
Personally, I love nice stuff but also don't have fancy tastes, so to speak. I'd much rather get a coffee table with character from the local second hand shop than one from John Lewis.
I've gone through things I think we should buy / do to the house. Some he has agreed to, some he hasn't.
He is going to invest the money so we have a secure future and will be able to afford to live well-ish when we retire. Totally the right thing to do. But equally, we're living in the here and now and I want this time to be nice too.
The words "it's my money" have been said by him a few times. He's right, I did nothing to contribute to it, at all. However my retort is "we're married so legally it's half mine", but then just trying to get him to see I should have some say over how that money is used to ensure we have a lovely home to bring our family up in.
So, AIBU to want some control over this cash so it can be spent on things now? Or accept the fact that as it was his prior to us getting together, he had full day over how it's used (I have no concerns at all, btw,of it not being invested in a way that is best for him me and the kids).

Mixed feelings here. It’s indoubtedly joint money, but your DH isn’t wrong to want to invest for your retirement. However, if either of you need care in the future (both of my parents did) that will wipe out your savings, so if the plan is to use it when you retire make sure you do.

My argument would be false economy on cheap items now means you’ll be replacing them later, when you have different priorities. But be careful not to spend on fashionable items you might not want to live with for ever!

Op, don't take every advice you get from here. I think you guys are doing the right thing, there's so much economic uncertainty ahead, Save every penny you both can. In a few years time, you'll be grateful you did.

It’s on the one hand financially controlling
But in the other hand it means that you as the career and homemaker cannot make the home nicer

I am in your husbands camp a bit . I am the only earner and I refuse to spend savings on making the house nicer as I feel that we need the money tucked away for emergencies . And as car and roof broke last year I think I make the right call

It’s hard being the only earner sometimes as everything falls on you to fix and mend

Can you think of a half way house ? I am going to redecorate and declutter this year for less spend for example

I feel your pain op; DH talks a good game about all the stuff we could do/need to do to our house to make it nice (currently very very dated and in need of refurb) but left to his own devices he'd live in it as is, peeling wallpaper and crap carpet and all, until Doomsday. Because it's currently functional and that's all that matters.

Tbf I've scored some great solid oak furniture 2nd hand (£200 for 3 items) for which the full market price would have been over a grand, and he was quite pleased at the value for money (and I had the money available to me in general)!

It is hard to generalise. I am similiar to the husband, always worked full time even when we had babies and we never spent much on furniture, always wanted to set money aside even if we had very old furniture from my husband's granny and by that I don't mean antiques I mean utter junk! But at least it didn't matter if the babies did a poo all over it

I can see both points of view but I can’t see your actual furniture so find it hard to know If they really need replacing because I do get the argument to wait till small ones are less likely to scuff and mess stuff up.

DH and I had a made to measure cabinet to put the tv in. Toddler DS bit along the cabinet when he was learning to walk and at the cruising stage. They can still be seen even though partially polished off 16 years later.

I would personally go down the route of a very long list and reach a compromise of less on the list. But that’s me and maybe not your style.

You shouldn't have to ask your husband when you want a new set of drawers. It's ridiculous.

He isn't stopping her from buying a chest of drawers. He just wants to spend £150 instead of £300 because he wants to save for the future.

Well £150 is going to make fuck all difference in 20 or 30 years time and probably means not buying cheap and twice.

Well it all adds up doesn't it? If they pay double on everything, then that means that significantly less is going to go into savings for the future. And if OP isn't working, then i think the DP is under a lot of pressure to provide for everyone and give them a good life now as well as in the future. He needs to have enough money to pay for when they are both retired, as OP won't have a pension.

I think you'll find OP does work and pays for all the household food and children's expenses.

Yes she does work but her DH is going to have to support her in old age, no? He's the one doing all the saving and has gotten them through life by saving money. I just think it's unreasonable to want to spend double the amount of money on everything when you can easily reach a compromise(DH has already compromised when he agreed to some of the stuff on the list).

You just said she didn't work, she does. What makes you think her husband's going to have to support her in old age? Do you have a crystal ball that tells you she doesn't have a pension? Because it didn't work too well about her working, did it?

Victorian chests of drawers - same price as ikea or cheaper- last forever.