To think this isn’t normal 2 year old behaviour?

[Purplepricklesalloverhisback]

DS was 2 in October. Since then he has hit terrible twos big time.

• he will only wear one pair of wellies. I had to source them in the next size up. If I wrestle any other shoes on to him he screams and pulls them off instantly.

-he hates being dressed. It’s tantrums, screams, tears, snot every morning. He always wants to rewear his pj top that he slept in. -he hates the bath. Screams the whole time, won’t sit in the water. No issues with it before turning 2 and he loves his swimming lesson!

• he has become very clingy with me. I have to be in the same room all the time and if I leave him anywhere he screams until I am back.

I’m 33 weeks pregnant and it’s killing me. I just want to cry all the time.

DH signed him up for a toddler football trial session this morning. It took two of us to wrestle him into some clothes and as soon as we got the trainers on him (he can’t do football in wellies) he pulled them off and threw them at us.

DS has gone out screaming and sobbing and I’m crying because I’m exhausted and I know DH will be back home with him soon because he has refused to put the shoes on when he gets there and so he can’t join in.

I’m at my wits end! Please someone tell me this is a phase and he will snap out of it. It’s been going on since October with no improvements!

@MashedSpud

Make a chart and let him put a sticker on it each time he achieves something new and let him know x amount of stickers means an outing or treat. he wouldn't understand the concept of this. The only treats/bribes that tend to work are chocolate buttons which I am obviously reluctant to use. Even small toys have no interest to him, he doesn't really play with toys much.
See if you can find kids books to read to him about clothes and make a point to tell him what colour top you’re wearing while pointing at said top/shoes/clothing. the only book he will read is the gruffalo. We go to the library every week to get him interested and choose new ones but the only one he will look at the me is Gruffalo.

I remember the wellie stage.I have a picture of my dd wearing just wellies ,luckily it was summer and she quickly grew out of that phase.

@Dox yes unfortunately he does have to go to a childminders as I work.

The preschool technically he doesn't have to do- I started him there because when I am on maternity leave he will drop down to just 2 days at the childminder because its near my work so an hours round trip. The preschool is in my village and so the idea was he went 2 mornings a week just for 2.5 hours. However at the minute he is only staying for an hour as he doesn't settle without me there. I would like to stick with it because when he is 3/4 I feel he will need the routines and to be comfortable in a group setting before starting school.

I started the naughty chair at 18 months. 1 minute for every age. I sat on one chair and DD sat on another. No one else was allowed to sit on that chair unless they were naughty - I made DH do it sometimes and he did it to me too and it helped reinforce the good behaviour message - DD liked it when we got to go in the naughty chair too. After the minute was up, she would get a cuddle and would nearly always then do what I wanted her to do.

It is normal behaviour though but its never too early to enforce rules. My sister had a naughty mat.

Make bathtime fun - we had a bubble maker machine and 5 plastic ducks so we would play the 5 little ducks game - getting her to knock each one off for the part of the song that goes "but only 4/3/2/1 duck came back"

Get a 'special', DS only, soap/shower gel / sponge / bath bomb etc and make a huge point of going, this is yours, do NOT let daddy get it, no daddy, bad daddy, what a fun game! lets go upstairs and see what colour it makes in the bath etc

Can you not get easier shoes to put on rather than trainers?

The only treats/bribes that tend to work are chocolate buttons which I am obviously reluctant to use.
I understand this but things are only going to get harder for you when the baby arrives. I'd relax those standards and do what it takes to get through the next year few months. I had a 2 year old and a baby and it was the hardest year of parenting by a million miles.

My nearly 5 year old is still like this to some degree. Its hard as you feel and predict every difficulty. Its really easy to get into a negative cycle with them.
I choose my battles with him carefully. I have also found that he struggles to change a routine or adapt to something new/stop doing something instantly. Generally speaking i allow him to do what ever it is hes started and then explain to him later why it carnt happen again, he generally gets this. Eg he may wear the wrong shoes or insist on climbing the climbing frame before school, but that evening i will explain to him what i expect the next time we are in that situation. It works 90% of the time. He in unable to process/hear whats expected of him at the actual time. Obviously the exception is if its dangerous etc etc.
Look up emotional couching, its really good and isnt all fluffy like some people think.

oooh I just remembered another game that DD loved and really made dressing easier

I would pretend to put her pants on her head for example, and say "is that where your pants go? Are you sure?" or I would put her socks on her hands, or her trouser legs in her arms....it took longer to get ready but it made her giggle instead of cry..,

Try putting his shoes on his hands and say "okay is that us ready to go? Has mummy done something wrong? Show mummy how to do it properly!"

@strangerthongs- we have a few options of shoes, most very easy to put on but he will still just demand his wellies.

We always try to make bathtime fun, last night I won him round with an empty fruit shoot bottle to squirt the bath toys with. Some times it works, others it doesn’t.

We use the naughty step for hitting, or refusing to stop a dangerous situation. For example yesterday he was climbing on something and when told to get down kept saying no. I moved him and tried to distract but he kept running back to climb up again and laughing so he sat on the step.

2 year olds can be a nightmare ! Its a phase but its so tough when youre going through it ! Harder when you're pregnant also.
Try to get some rest when dp is around.

Have you heard of sensory processing disorder? You've just described my son exactly. He has autism and SPD. It could just be a toddler thing, but there could be more to it. I don't want to panic you, but the similarities really jumped out at me

If they like him to wear shoes at nursery could you ask for their help? Explain the problem and give them some of his other shoes and see if they can come up with a clever way of getting them into them. They will probably have some tactics that you haven't thought of and then maybe when he realises shoes aren't so bad he might wear them at home. People enjoy solving problems for other people in my experience - it makes them feel good.

My son was really similar at that age; nappy changes at that age were the worst as he would resist and scream so much we’d both end up in tears . He liked routine down to the minute detail - including our walk to nursery where if we didn’t see a squirrel in a particular stretch we’d have to wait until we did. He was also a late talker - a series of ear infections at about 21 months held him back I think.

The plus is that is all got much easier once he could communicate what was wrong in different situations/why he only wanted to wear pants etc! Now four he still has some of the same traits (last night he refused to get changed for bed, so slept in his t shirt from the day and pants), but generally is a doddle....that said I’ve never managed to find a way to cut his toe nails without huge drama!

I wouldn’t worry about leveraging the powers of chocolate buttons; do what you need to do when your hands are full with other things!!

*him into them not them into them!

I’d suggest if he’s going to preschool, swimming lessons, tumble tots and football that’s maybe a bit much for a 2 year old. I had a 2 year old who is 11 now who was very similar, she still does less extra curricular stuff than her peers because she just can’t handle being busy all the time. Maybe scale things back a bit, dad can still take him out to give you a break but they could just go and squelch in some mud with the wellies.

I also have a 2 year old at the moment, so you definitely have my sympathies! They are tyrants.

You’ve just described 2 year old DS perfectly. It was a phase, it lasted about six months and then he became much easier, started wearing shoes other than wellies and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. It was miserable at the time though, you have all my sympathies.

If he is stringing 3/4 words he doesn’t sound speech delayed. Most 2yos don’t get all the pronunciation right.

Purplepricklesalloverhisback mine is a compliant delight at nursery too, by all accounts. Which is positive though as it suggests this is all 'normal' boundary-testing behaviours in the environment they feel most secure. It doesn't sound like he warrants a SLT referral either from what you've said, particularly if he's recently been reviewed by the HV.

Definitely ditch the organised activities - really isn't beneficial for two year olds. If he goes to playgroup and a childminder he's getting plenty of opportunity to socialise and he could probably do more with some 1-1 time with his dad at a park or soft play.

He liked routine down to the minute detail - including our walk to nursery where if we didn’t see a squirrel in a particular stretch we’d have to wait until we did

I can't get DS into nursery unless he's seen a bus or the moon - I'm hoping he'll grow out of the latter before the summer!

So much of all this is toddler behaviour. I think it's really important not to medicalise it into various disorders too quickly and just let them develop at their own rate.

How often are you bathing him? Id cut it down to twice a week if youre trying every night.

Also shy can’t your dh take him out for an hour AT LEAST even if he isnt at an organised activity?! How much parenting is he doing?

Exactly the same gap as my two. This sounds pretty normal (and it does get better).

At that stage DD would only bath with me (cuddled next to my massive bump).

Clothing was slightly improved by letting her choose which clothes to buy not just which to wear.

It got easier during the summer as she got closer to 3 (also an October birthday).

Good luck!

My 2yo dd was born late Sept so v similar age. She can be the same to a degree.

Agree it's about picking battles.

My daughter is v stubborn and independent. She's fiesty and knows her own mind. I find her exhausting and I'm not pregnant. Best of luck op

It is different for each child. They all have their own challenges!

I got DS dressed by putting him in front of the TV and dressing him while he watched something. If he started messing about I paused the TV until he cooperated again.

My DS is a real handful but absolutely loves organised activities and has had a full schedule from about 18months onwards. An unstructured kick about in the park would not hold his interest.
It suits some children, others not so much. Only you know whether the football is right for him.

Hello OP,

You remind me of myself when I get overwhelmed by the kids!

Now-SEN or not, your little guy is having a tough phase and I am sorry to say....it won't be the last and your second little one will also go through challenging phases. You need to be able to take a step back, take a deep breath and be firm and patient with him (I am sure you are) whilst keeping perspective and looking after yourself.

You need a plan to tackle this;

1. Get husband to take LO out to the park.
2. Get in touch with HV with a list of your concerns. They will be good at suggesting ideas.
3. Your son may be motivated by a Gruffalo themed rewards chart! Tap in to his current obsession and use it to your advantage. Gruffalo stickers for each time he is a good boy at getting dressed/having a bath/wearing shoes.
4. Try the Gruffalo's child/Stickman/Zog....gradually branch out from his first love of the Gruffalo with books that have visual similarities (aka all the Julia Donaldson ones!)
5. Scrap the football and save your money. That is what woods/parks/playgrounds are for. Kids benefit hugely from just playing out. Better to invest in warm all in one outdoor suit and let him wear the damn wellies splashing in puddles, wading through mud etc.
6. Remember:change of childminder and new pre school is A HUGE amount of change for a little guy. It sounds like a two hours of driving a day to get him to and from childminder whilst you are on Mat leave sounds madness. It's about making life easier for all-that really isnt! Personally I have always felt a childminder closer to home tends to make more sense....plus when you return to work she can do pre school run for you.

Things are only going to get more difficult when the baby comes. Your little guy needs you to just embrace him as he is. Respond with less resistance. Challenge bad behaviour only (i.e. biting/hitting) and let his behaviour surrounding choices etc wash over you.the less resistance he meets, the faster he will get over the control issues.

My ds2 is three and stikl has a screaming flap over the feel of socks on his feet. Every time it happens he screams. Each time I tell him "I know your socks are irritating you. Let me help you with them. I will always help you gwt them just right. It is important to tell me with words instead of screaming at me about it."
This is really having a positive effect on him. Jist keep plugging away at it....this is true parenting! Hard work!

Enjoy your little boy and bask in his wonderfulness. Enjoy baby too. You will be fine x